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santa banta and office memo

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Padmash, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. Padmash

    Padmash Platinum IL'ite

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    hi,

    <TABLE class=tdbg height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center valign="top">Office Memo

    <TD style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 140%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" vAlign=top colSpan=2>To: All Employees

    Dear Staff,
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Personal Days:
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

    Lunch Breaks:
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

    Sick Days:
    We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Restroom Use:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

    Surgery:
    As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

    Have a nice week.
     
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  2. madhu11

    madhu11 Bronze IL'ite

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    Had a good laugh.:rotfl :rotfl

    Madhu
     
  3. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    ha ha ha:rotfl
    Sriniketan
     

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