SANTA AND ME “.Stop! What . are you doing?” I nrushed into the park opposite my mhouse. Shouting at a short, plump man. “ “Cattle are not allowed to graze here!” “Cattle?” he said with a chuckle. “ They have ANTLERS not horns . “Can’t you tell reindeer from cattle?”. I had seen tne man bringing his beasts into the park from my balcony and filled with righteous indignation, rushed down. “Tell me another story” I laughed. “. Firsdt . you claim they are reindeer and then you ‘ll tell me you’re Santa Claus... What are reindeer doing . in temperate India even i n winter? “I indeed am Santa Claus” said the fatso. . I gave him a close look. “You al,most look like the guy . who keeps harping at the drop of the hat that once he used to sell an invigorating brew”. Santa’s face fell. “Do you have to insult me like that? “ he asked. “Granted I am short and squat like him but that ius whetre the comparison ends.” “Awight if you are really Santa where are my Christmas gifts?” I asled angrily grabbing Santa. My stockings remained empty!” Santa chuckled. “ Who told you I bring gifts If you believe such rubbish, you would even believe I come down the chimney” “Yes that’s how you are supposed to break into houses” I said. Santa laughed heartily. “A guy . with XXXL . size like me entering a chimney! Even a lean andf mean guy can’t do that.. And I don’t have a speck of soot on my dress. Is it possible if I had entered a chimney? And the modern electric chimnies! Even a mosquito can’t enter them, let alone me” Then what is this rubbish about stockings and gifts I asked. “All promises biut no performance, just like the guy who used to sell that invigorating brewq. But thanks to the parents who put gifts in stockings, my image as a gift giver has remained intact” Santa said. “I am a motivation for kids to behave well. That way I play a positive role unlike the guy who you said resembles me” “You mean you won’t promise to put Rs 15 lakhs in my stocking f for Christmas?” I asked. “Are you crazy enough to believe that?” Santa laughed “Lot of people were crazy enough to believe a similar promise in 2014” I said. “Then they would be crazy enough to believe in Santa Claus too” said the man in the ree suit chuckling. “If you don’t give gifts why do you come on Christmas” I asked. “Oh , I jst move around the world , laughing at all those trying to be Santa lookalikes and at idiots like you who expect gifts in stockings. Now that my reindeer have finished making a meal of the grass in your park, it is high time I said goodbye. I have a long way to go” Santa said and jumped into his sled and disappeared in a jiffy.