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Rules Of Your House

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Vedhavalli, Jun 29, 2020.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    Hi everyone,
    We all have specific set of rules to follow in our house. My parental home was disciplined and organized.
    No breakfast before bath, home by 9 pm, if friends come should leave by 8 pm, light lamp at 6 pm, never ever staying over friend's place, books not on ground, no money lending on Fridays, dress appropriately. Daily read newspaper or news, watch movies together as family. Eat dinner with family usually cribbing about heavy homework, project deadline or bosses. With parents we had what's right & wrong.
    Mix of orthodox & modern family.

    in-laws it's a house from another planet.
    How about people who have nuclear family?
    What are rules you follow at your home?
    Not on money matters other than that.
     
    KashmirFlower and startinganew like this.
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  2. aspha

    aspha Gold IL'ite

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    My parents and my in laws have quite similar rules.
    - We have breakfast at 8, lunch at 11 am and dinner around 7.15/ Chai time is any time between 3 and 5.
    - We all say Shlokas at 7 after litting lamp
    - Some sort of physical exercise is a must
    - No one talk loudly
    - Discuss any and all matters. No secrets.

    Its balance of old and new.
     
  3. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I took the best(that works for me) from both worlds..

    Ex: mom cooks 3 meals with 3 diff dishes..in-laws cook 1 dish for all meals combined. I lean towards in- laws tradition here. Mom does more pooja and mil does more cooking on festivals.. I lean towards mom’s tradition here..


    So, mine is mix of both. Initial years, I struggled with confusion as to whom to follow.. Eventually, I made my own rules.. so that i can be happy, justify them and less confusion to my kids.
     
    KashmirFlower and startinganew like this.
  4. MadhuRK

    MadhuRK Silver IL'ite

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    I echo @YoGirl's sentiment here. In my head, I think I'm picking the best model between the two worlds.

    My childhood home and my husband's childhood home are very different in their culture, dressing, eating, religious worship etc although both of us come from a similar background.

    My parents are extremely orthodox, devout and spartanic people. They believe in leading a simple, frugal and disciplined life-style. This is their first-principle concern. No elaborate displays of affection, no pomp and show, no needless extravagance. Classic veshti-wearing South Indian household.

    My in-laws on the other hand value having fun and celebrations are very important for them. They are also more "urban" and have a different idea about prayers, chanting, orthodox rituals etc. Their eating styles are elaborate, their palate for experimentation is endless.

    There are few distinct areas where I think we've taken a "convenient" approach.

    1. Food: I don't cook elaborate meals with multi-course menu items. Thankfully my husband is also on my side. So I make one or max two dishes once in the morning and we eat that through the day in different ways. Its simple, home-style cooking, healthy, nutritious, filled-with veggies, no detailed masalas, no running after the perfect pairing etc. Lesser dishes to wash and no fuss.

    2. Displays of affection: I love the way my MIL hugs her children. Open, sometimes even brazen (considering these are grown adults) displays of affection and praise. I used to feel jealous earlier. But not anymore. I do hug my daughter a lot, I love hugging her and telling her how good she is, how lucky we are, how important it is that she maintains her kindness to one and all as she grows up etc etc.

    3. Arts: As a family, I come from a background where having a certain degree of mastery in classical music and dance is considered basic default, not as a passing interest for the teens. We have been indulging our kiddo in arts and plan to do so for the medium-long term. Suggestions welcome from other successful parents on this one.

    Curious to hear what all the other wonderful women out here have to share.
     
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  5. startinganew

    startinganew Finest Post Winner

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    This is a wonderful question, @Vedhavalli - thank you for initiating this discussion. This is a vital discussion we all probably all have in our heads - and not really with respect to family-of-origin vs spouse's family. Even "rules" in the home of our close friends that we learn about as we grow up and even after we become adults.

    I think of this as "family culture" just like the recent work "work-culture" of different work-places. It's a style of thinking that influences how things happen at a home or a workplace. So looking forward to everyone's answers. Will write mine too in a bit.
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  6. startinganew

    startinganew Finest Post Winner

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    I was wracking my brains to think about any rules we have around the home...and am hard-pressed to find any. (but my family might beg to differ :)) let me share the few that came to my mind:

    Looks like all the "rules" have exceptions :)

    1. Food related:
    - We try to have family dinner together (and lunch+dinner on weekends). However if someone is hungry earlier or later, they can always eat as per their wish. During dinner times we do try to sit together at the dining table including the person skipping the meal just as to chat (even though we are quiet family.) And I am the one who usually eats dinner 2 hours before everyone a few times a week.
    - Everyone has to help with table setup and cleanup (men and women included): includes setting out plates, water, reheating leftovers followed by wiping down tables and counter, loading dishwasher and handwashing, sweeping + mopping kitchen for the night.
    - Everyone serves themselves their own food.
    - Each one picks up their own plate to the sink or anyone does it if the others are engrossed in conversation and we don't want to see a dried up plate that is harder to scrub down (no male/female/younger/older protocol is followed)

    2. Shower: Take a shower anytime you like! Most times it is beginning of day. Some days it is after main cooking for the day is done so we can be fresh to sit down for lunch as opposed tired and sweaty after cooking/gardening. However if you shower later in the day, it is considered OK to make fun of you and is (hopefully) taken in good spirit.

    3. Religious practices:
    Pray when you like, where you like or don't pray at all. During festivals or death remembrances we pray as a family. One parent is religious and my other parent is an atheist - so we have the freedom to question traditions respectfully and skip any we don't believe in. But all of us will get together, bow our hands in respect and spend a few minutes thanking God during these occasions. We make merry in the celebratory aspect of these events. We are also all united in that we consider books and food "godly" and they needed to be treated with care and respect no matter what.
     

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