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Rude And Inattentive Sales People..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Needtobestrong, Nov 18, 2018.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    kindly excuse me if this seems like a trivial post to all of you..
    Just sharing my experiences at shops and retail outlets..
    I'm not much of a fan of online shopping except for urgencies or discounted items..just had a pretty irritating experience during recent shopping..
    1. I needed some matching bangles and accessories for saree to wear for upcoming family occasion so went to a fancy store...it's the second time I went..earlier too many months ago I went..there were atleast 3-4 sales people in the shop and that time hardly 2-3 customers were there in the shop..deposits me asking repeatedly for particular product to be displayed, they just ignored me..
    Recently when I went I was accompanied by my child who was repeatedly throwing tantrum and grabbing my attention..I was anxious to finish shopping quickly and get out of there..the shop keeper and sales person were ignoring my repeated request to show the product in spite of my situation..including a lady who was quite free and didn't have to attend to anyone...they attended customers who came to shop after me..only after I said that I'm getting late and leaving, and showed displeasure of their behaviour, they showed some bangles..by then I was really not in mood..bought minimum items and left..
    2. There is supermarket in my home, the closest one in walking distance as others are 2-3 km away and not walkable..so I always end up going there for urgent purchase, the sales people always ignore me and attend to other customers only..really it's irritating to be obviously ignored..even if I wait patiently someone who walks in after me would be attended first..
    3. I needed some inner wears and went to a retail outlet of Big bazaar recently.. The innerwears are very less priced and looks like trials or exchanges are not allowed due to hygiene reason..I just opened the pack and was checking the size and material, as I can approximately see if I want to buy or not..I had no intention of trying it on and was just seeing..
    The sales lady there very rudely told me not to open the packet and check the item..I could see that few other ladies had already opened packs of other sizes to check..when I asked her about it she replied in rude way..
    I didn't purchase and walked out..
    4. I used to go to a popular outlet of cosmetic and beauty products ..but I don't go there anymore as the sales ladies there see me and immediately ask me if I want such and such product for pimples..(I have acne and it's a touchy subject for me).. Even if I say no thanks, they pester me with suggestions that too, Of expensive branded anti acne products..I don't visit there anymore and I prefer to shop online for such stuff..

    My point of writing this thread is, that I get only an hour or two of me time during weekend..and when I go for walk and shopping and have bad experience it irritates me a lot..
    What is it that makes these sales people behave so rudely with selected people only?and how to deal with such people? Answering back directly or complaining to supervisor?
    We pay for our purchases, right..they don't give anything for free,.. sometimes purchases are of good amount, and we deserve to be treated with politeness too..

    FYI. I'm Indian living in Indian city and not some small town..and I dress properly when going out and well versed in English, Hindi, local language and 2 more regional Languages too..and I'm soft and polite spoken always..I don't like to be rude to anyone unless situation warrants it..
     
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  2. gopalan1937

    gopalan1937 Silver IL'ite

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    Ms Needtobestrong, Your cause for irritation is well understood. But unfortunately, we are helpless unless we have the mental stamina to fight against uncivilised clan. None will come to our support. Develop patience or avoid them
     
  3. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    I read your post a couple of times to understand what the the issue is. Well I realized that I have experienced at least one of the above at least once if not more than once .
    So first of all it happens with all. And the solution would be if someone irritates you you don't have to be at the receiving end . Telling it outright there is the solution.
    Eg : case 1 : I would not visit that shop again. Even if it takes more time n effort to visit an other shop I would do that,but not visit such a shop where they pay least attention to me. I mean c'mon all customers are important and irrespective of what it is they just can't ignore one and give attention to others.
    2) as this is closest one in your vicinity I'm not sure what I want to do here. Most probably even for some urgent items I would skip ,unless otherwise there's no option at all.
    3) in third case, yes walking away is the best thing. But you should have told on the lady's face that how are you supposed to know the size without opening and you are sensible enough to understand that no trials means you wouldn't try. And she didn't have to be rude . Sure this would lead to an unpleasant confrontation and may have led to argument. In that case simply call the store manager n complain that when you were just opening to check the size, the lady rudely says me not to try and how are you supposed to make a purchase when u can't see the size and on top of it there's no exchange. Yes rude behavior gets back nothing but rude behavior. They get what they give.
    4) tell them u already used those products and your ache increased. I seriously do that all the time . Whenever someone suggests their idiotic product I don't say no I don't want, I simply say I used them already and my skin turned worse after using them and then if they suggest something else (in some cases they go to that extent)I tell nothing suits my skin and I have tried all of them. Try this method, I'm sure they'll shut their mouth and stop their suggestions.

    Last but not the least these things are something all face everyday. So wherever it requires you to be frank on their face do it. You said u r a polite person but it's okay to be rude to someone who makes you feel irritated. You are giving up on that polite attitude for yourself and to be at peace with yourself.
     
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  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for ur reply.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    What you said everything I have experienced when I was in India..This is common for many from what’s I heard..

    Another thing sales people attend people who are super well dressed and very fair .That poor mentality which makes them think only they can afford..

    Whenever I come,I go with my family or friends and only to malls..I actually take extra care of my dressing,appearance just for even normal shopping.

    Somehow my confidence level stoops low and I hate doing the above when I shop in India.always felt conscious and felt the need and pressure to look “hep”

    First vacation I shopped in a mall in Chennai wearing cotton regular chudidhar,some jasmine flowers and a braid.I was treated very bad in a shop as though I won’t be able to afford even 10 rs.

    Same shop after two weeks went in a western wear and treated well:)did I buy anything?Hell no!It felt like that pretty woman movie but I felt very upset by the treatment difference.

    Here one thing I like..even in my gym clothes am Treated pretty decent and no one tagging behind me.I am myself.

    Sorry to digress but don’t worry.This has nothing to do with you but just their mentality.
     
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  6. ashwinid01

    ashwinid01 Gold IL'ite

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    Even i don't like the sales rep behave. But They are outcome of improper training.

    Recently i had not so pleasant experience at conmetic shop, first of all i hate to be followed like a puppy.. i know what i want, i don't need any assistance. It doesn't end at that, I say i want lipstick .. Then she shows me somethings.. i tell what i want, then she ll tell me it is not lipstick it is some thing else in a tone like i am an uneducated person.. Completely putting me down.. I feel like telling, "hello madam, i know what i want, please dont interfere and please leave me alone.". I would appreciate genuine help, but demeaning someone is not the right way. Once I had gone to cosmetic shop with DH, and the lady was telling about some product i dint ask for or dint want to know about. And made a statement "I am surprised you don't know it and have never used it." At this point my DH lost it and told "Look at my wife, do you think she needs it? I feel she absolutely doesn't." Poor lady was giggling and trying to say something to cover up.

    And in beauty parlors too it is so irritating.. Your hair is so dry, why don't you use this conditioner and that shampoo. One parlor will say say use color other parlor will say use henna... When i don't ask for suggestions they have so many to give, but when i ask one question like does xyz haircut suit me they ll say may or may not..

    Having said this, i have come across very sweet sales rep too. I am never rude to any sales women/men irrespective of their behaviour because they have a tough job and life (In India).
     
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  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    You are so right with beauty parlours!!!
     
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  8. Vaishnaviayyar1

    Vaishnaviayyar1 Senior IL'ite

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    Sadly I have to agree with the above answers. Somehow u need to look rich and sofisticated in a few shops. I once went along with my mother to kumaran silks to buy a nice 20k zaree for my wedding,the sales rep hardly showed us the sarees ans wasn't very interested. Then a group of buyers come and he shows racks of sareee with great zeal. It was hurting. I guess somewhere it's the dress, body language, or something that impacts
     
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  9. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    OP,

    Whether we like it or not, we are being judged consciously or unconsciously. Sales people are trained to spot the potential customers and then service them. Perhaps improper dressing, general presentation and body language are to be blamed along with the wrong attitude of the sales person and the shop.

    Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone, be loud and pull them up for poor service; there is nothing wrong or embarrassing here. You don't have to be rude but you can always be assertive. If we don't fight for ourselves who else will? The establishments fear loss of reputation and attend to customers who raise their voice and complain. Unfortunately this happens. I have also noticed women being ignored by some male sales people. In the order of preference, they deal with men and younger women better than married women! Learn to stand up for yourself, at least sometimes. I promise it improves their service and more importantly your own self esteem and confidence gets a great boost!

    I found this news piece in my inbox today. See how being assertive fetches results.
    • IndiaToday.in
    • New York
    • November 19, 2018
    • UPDATED: November 19, 2018 14:35 IST
    Indian woman slams US pub for Hindu gods on toilet walls. This is the response she got

    Indian-American woman Ankita Mishra walked into a New York pub only to find their toilet walls decorated with images of Hindu gods from Shiva to Kali.

    The House of Yes toilet with Hindu gods on its walls. Photo: Ankita Mishra

    HIGHLIGHTS

    • An Indian-American woman walked into a New York pub and found images of Hindu gods on its walls.
    • There were images of Kali, Saraswati, Shiva on the toilet walls.
    • She slammed the pub in a strongly-worded mail.
    Time and again we have seen Hindu gods appearing in the most unimaginable of places. In the West, there have been incidents of Ganesha appearing on toilet seats and the face of Ram on shoes. But what Indian-American Ohio girl Ankita Mishra witnessed a few weeks ago at a pub in New York probably beats them all by a mile.

    Ankita walked in to a pub, House of Yes, in Bushwick, New York. House of Yes describes itself as "Weird. Wild. Wonderful. A performance fueled night club and creative venue programmed with eclectic events and fabulous dance parties."

    Inside their VIP bathroom, Ankita was in for a rude shock.

    In a blog post, Ankita wrote, "...last month, during a night out with friends, I could not stay quiet when I suddenly found myself in a curiously-decorated VIP bathroom inside House of Yes in Bushwick, NY. The walls were papered with bejeweled images of Hindu gods like Ganesha, Saraswati, Kali and Shiva."

    The 'queer emerging artist' did not sit silent this time around. Mishra wrote an email to the pub, telling it just like it was.

    "To Whom it May Concern, (that should be everyone!)

    Oct 3, 2018

    "As a queer woman of color with a hyphenated identity in 2018 America, I am used to silencing my voice in the service of keeping peace in public. However, after posting about my experience at House of Yes this weekend on Facebook and Instagram I feel pushed to approach you directly. I trust that House of Yes is a venue where I might actually be heard, and where change for the better can occur.

    "I came to the Endless Summer last Saturday, Sept 29. Being a resident of Brooklyn for over a decade, I frequent House of Yes whenever I can after my bartending shifts up the street. I have had too many beautiful moments here to recount: dancing at the Pride after-party with my partner, for instance, taking her to a show as one of our first dates as a couple, coming here with friends to relax and feel free and dance. I used to take Silks classes with Anya Sapozhnikova back in the Maujer Street days and have always been so invested with love and admiration at the growth of House of Yes. I have always been annoyingly proud and vocal about how much affection I have for this club, your mission statement, and your intentions for revolutionary inclusive programming.

    "I was not proud on Saturday night. I was there with a group that had ordered a bottle service table to the side of the bar and because of the high price they were paying, I had the privilege of accessing the private bathroom behind the DJ booth by the stage. You know the one. At first when I reached for toilet paper from the dispenser, it did not register that I was looking at Mahadev. Slowly I raised my eyes to take in the room and noticed all of them- Ganesha, Saraswati, Brahma, Shiva, Radha and Krishna, Lakshmi, and inexplicably right above the toilet, Kali. I was inside a temple but it was all wrong- I was wearing shoes, I was peeing, and my a** was out.

    "It is unfortunate that the ripples of colonialism have such long-reaching waves. I am Indian-American. I have been in this position before, countless times. I used to be a Teaching Artist at the Rubin Museum of Art, where I was constantly confronted with microaggressions and a lack of power and ownership over my own culture. Fighting misconceptions and the misuse of my culture is a daily- no, minute by minute battle. But to be faced with such blatant cultural appropriation when I was relaxed, a little drunk, and surrounded by people I felt championed by was too jarring to ignore.

    "Let's say, the person reading this is confused. I have spent so much time in my head breaking down how to explain why this is so wrong. Here are some bullet points:

    "1. Cleanliness and purity are obsessive rules in an Indian household. Around Indian deities it is a very basic form of respect, one that you learn as a child. You cannot present a flower to a god after having smelled it- you cannot wear shoes in a temple. Peeing, shitting, throwing up and all other activities that happen in nightclub bathrooms would also go under the category of uncleanliness.

    "2. Hinduism does not believe in eternal damnation. It has not also, conquered, traumatized and converted whole civilizations and countries as part of its mission. It does not have the same history as, for example, Christianity. There has never been a "Reformation" period in Hinduism. I cannot speak for every South Asian/ South Asian descendant on the planet, but I have not seen the same level of angst and irreverence towards its icons. There is no "Piss Christ" art piece equivalent, no cultural Satanic movement that battles each of its innumerable goddesses and gods. Therefore the same rules that apply to Christianity simply are not applicable in Hinduism. You cannot impose your own punk and subversive cultural standards onto another religion. It is just another form of misinterpretation and desire to control something that is not yours.

    "3. Hindu, Buddhist and South Asian culture continues to constantly be exploited through Western capitalism in the name of spiritual awakening and sexual exploration. Our culture is not a ticket to your self-discovery. India was under colonial rule for 200 years and I, frankly, am tired of how uneducated America seems to be about that. Do you think you would even be in that yoga class if it hadn't been perfectly packaged for you to consume?

    "4. Maybe someone thought it would inspire "instant enlightenment" one night on the dancefloor. Wrong. Tantric Buddhism is different from Hinduism and at any rate, ya got those deities wrong.

    "5. I only saw this because it was a private bathroom reserved for those customers paying over $600 for a bottle of Grey Goose. I imagine that clientele is used to dining at Buddakan on a regular basis and does not even fully take in the fact that an entire ancient culture and religion is being reduced to a playscape for their vices and routine board meetings.

    "6. I have spent 3 days (now 4) thinking of every angle that could have led someone to make this tone deaf mistake. The point is, no one took even a fraction of that time thinking of how it would make someone like me feel. As I sat on the toilet, I thought "Is it possible that my culture is again being dehumanized and treated like an accessory of white culture, here on Jefferson Street?"

    "I am going to go home to my parents house in November to celebrate Diwali, a holiday commemorating each deity featured in your bathroom. This is an active religion, practiced today. My true desire is to see the bathroom taken down. My parents would not have had the courage to stand up for what is right, but I as their daughter, do. Your mission statement is one that touts inclusivity, positivity and safety. Please don't make me lose faith in the ability we all have to right some wrongs and truly hear each other out.

    "If you made it to the end of this letter then I thank you for being open and receptive.

    "Inclusivity now.

    "Namaste,

    Ankita Mishra"

    Now, most of us know what most of these 'To Whom It May Concern' mails are met with. No response, 90 per cent of the time.

    However, this was different.

    [​IMG]

    Photo: House of Yes

    Ankita heard back from the pub in an apologetic email.

    "Hi Ankita,

    "My name is Kae Burke, I'm Anya's partner as a co-founder/creative director at House of Yes and I am the one that created, conceived and made the deity bathroom. I am fully responsible for making the tone-deaf and completely ignorant decor choice.

    "I am sorry for not taking the time to fully understand and research the deep history of the culture I was inspired by before using it to decorate. I feel awful that you had to experience this type of cultural disrespect at House of Yes of all places.

    "I hear you loud and clear and the tone-deaf appropriative/offensive bathroom will be dismantled and redesigned ASAP. To be transparent, the soonest I can take it on is right after Halloween. If you insist, we can put paint over it until then.

    "I read every word of your email (twice) and I wanted to thank you for taking the time, being bold yet informative in your writing and also trusting us in that you would be heard.

    "If you'd like to discuss over the phone I'm reachable at ------

    Thank you again,

    Kae"

    Ankita went on to write, "I had broken my silence and spoken up. Kae's response was everything I had convinced myself was impossible: an apology. And yet why did I fear her apology so much? Is it because some hurting goes so deep, genuine remorse cannot erase it?

    "I had to chant to myself: I am grateful for the positive outcome of this exchange. I am grateful I was able to communicate with an empathetic and understanding person. But at the end of the day, I do not feel warm and fuzzy about this exchange, even though I do think we made some progress. In my most recent conversations with Kae, she wanted to re-decorate the bathroom walls with images of human rights leaders and notable feminists in place of the deities. The final solution will be to paint these images over the deities instead of dismantling the walls entirely. It left me hungry with wonder.

    "What is progress? What is the difference between role models, important feminists and religious deities? What are the events that lead to my interaction with House of Yes and can it truly be solved without a fight? Where is the line of what can be put into a bathroom?

    ""Speak up!" my mother yelled to me constantly as a child, though she blushes modestly when asking a young, blonde waitress where the bathroom is in the Olive Garden attached to the mall. I have seen both of my parents accept their subservience to white American culture my whole life, never asking to take up space or be respected for it. So now as their hybrid daughter I do it for them, and I hope to god(s) there are others like me who will."

    **********************************
     
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks to all who responded..
    Actually like all women, shopping I something I enjoy a lot...clothes shopping is ultimate, but even window shopping in malls, and purchasing small items for kitchen or household use make me feel good ( if I get good discount offer then even better )..
    Really I feel deprived of this simple joy when these rude sales employees irritate me..especially when I've not purposely done anything to trouble anyone..
    I usually dress in Indian wear, I.e salwar kameez or ethnics wear like Kurti with leggings..but I dress neatly always while stepping out ..
    ( I don't wear western outfits much, but that's because I'm a bit overweight and didn't feel good about myself)..
    My husband and family members never remarked on my dress anytime, was surprised to know that this a maybe a reason for sales people not attending to me properly..
    Anyways, as one more person pointed out, these people are in such job because they didn't get to complete their education and might be only tenth or twelfth standard pass etc so difficult life for them..maybe they don't have that much fluency in English or People skills..standing on their feet and working for long hours may have tired them out..so out of sympathy I don't like to get into unnecessary conflict with anyone....
    I have noticed that when the shop employees speak very nicely and respectfully to me and are very enthusiastically and patiently displaying the stuff which I ask for, I buy extra stuff also, boosting their business.
    I pity some shallow people who don't know to do their job well and judge customers based on some silly reason and be rude to them..
    Will keep all your responses in mind when do any shopping in future!
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2018
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