Rough handling of 2 month old baby by mil

nr11 · May 18, 2013

Hi ladies,

I have a weird problem wit my in laws. I gave birth to my DS 3 months back. as my dad was suffering from cold n fever I directly went to in laws place after discharge from hospital.. my mil s a egoist and she always boasts herself for raising her 3 kids and she always feel her family s the best and others are nothing. my husband s her second son and my baby is her first grandson. I understand her excitement but as a mom I m not able to see my baby suffering in her hands.

when. my baby was 2 months she lifted him without holding his head. my baby screamed out of Pain . I told her to hold his head. she said she knows everything n she left the baby. she didn't provide me good food or nutritious food and I didn't help me for 11 days. it was hell. she didn't touch the baby after that.again once she lifted my baby the same way my husband blasted her and she justified that shes correct and we dunno anything about baby. I left from there and I'm at my moms house for all these days.

now my husband wants me to come there as the family s missing their grandson.. even though my baby s a bit settled and easy to handle I m so insecured and scared of my mil lifting him.she s a arrogant lady and hurts in every way. she says to my son lik she will be his every thing and ur mom 'll know nothin and she 'll cook for him stuffs lik that.

I'm a bit possessive of my son and I know I cannot tel her not to hold my baby. I'll lose my husband s support. she wants to spend time wit my son. but I cannot tolerate her rough handling.. I don't want to. creAte issues wit her but I want to set my rules when comes to my baby. she tAkes him to her room n locks door sometimes.. I cannot stand 'll this. :-( if I tel this for my husband he compares her wit my mom. he.says I dunno how ur mom s holding him stuffs lik That. my mil always feels she knows everything n I'm dumb.

plea gimme. a solution for this. I don't want to feel insecured and live wit this fear.even my fil roughly handle the baby.they think they r right n I'm over reacting. he lifts my son wit his hand. he s jus 3 months old. I don't think my baby enjoys it. to an extent I can tel them but they repeat the same again. I'm fed up. they come to our room sit there for hours looking at sleeping baby. this s so annoying. how can I tackle this situation...

coolpinky · May 18, 2013

U can't ask them not to be with your ds and it might blow up.
Ur mil is having fun by snatching the baby from you.
Next time while she is going to her room with the baby go behind her and sit with her as if you have come to observe ur son playing
With grand mother. See what happens.

NaveenaSasi · May 18, 2013

Why dont you stay at ur mom's house for few more months ? Ur Child and u definitely need sme time away from ur ILs.. So better tell ur husband openly..

soulful · May 19, 2013

how far away is your home from your inlaws place? can't they stop by once in a while to see your child?

tell your Dh that the baby is still tender and you an the child need some rest and you will go later.

in the meantime, ask DH to come and stay with you @ your parents ' place for a few days. Benefits: dad and child will bond. you and your parents will get some satisfaction when he stays with you guys.most important: he will see with his OWN eyes how your mother handles and notice the difference.

finally - forget what she tells your baby.. he is 3 months old. what is he going to understand? NOTHING. understand this - she says all that c**p because she very well knows that YOU are your child's EVERYTHING and she is NOT.. she is plain J and her jealousy is making her all these things.

YOU have nothing to feel insecure about. She is trying to rile you and you are falling for it.

So relax babes.. enjoy your motherhood instead of falling for all her nonsense.

just remember this every time she starts her b***s**t.

YOU are his MOTHER. Period. you ARE and WILL BE the NUMBER 1 in his life. Period.

goodluck

P.S. on a semi-funny note, do try to move away into the background 25 years hence and allow his wife to take the Number 1 position in his life:bowdown

Anitap · May 19, 2013

There is no need to lock doors. Knock.

polymorphic · May 20, 2013

Anitap said: ↑

There is no need to lock doors. Knock.
Click to expand...

Very true.. Very strange behaviour. There will certainly be some diff in how she brought up her kids and how u want to raise ur baby. If you want her help , better to keep silent and let her do things her way. If you want to raise kid ur way, dont get any help from her. You cant expect ur MIL to care for ur baby according to ur rules. No mil would do it.. esp an egoistic one.

daffny · May 20, 2013

tell your MIL to take care of the baby for few hours and go out with your husband for some movie or hotel. if you do this few times she will sure get irritated and give you the baby for long time, atleast to make you to sit at home.

ShilpaMa · May 20, 2013

OP congrats for being a new mom....
.. there are 2 ways of holding a small baby....
- where 1 palm holds baby head and another palm body............
- In case when u have longer palms... u clutch the child under the arms n shoulder and place your fingers to support baby neck....

my MIL has tiny palms (like heart) and she used to think that first way is the ONLY way to hold the child... but there are alternate ways as well for remaining ppl... and pretty safe.... I think you're v v possessive about your child and trust only your MOM for your care and childcare.... need to neutralize a bit .. lest u end up screaming at every other child and corresponding parent if someone passes by your child....
How does your H know that your mom takes the child inside and locks the door? What exactly is he comparing?

Now service at bed and nutrition care at PILs place is a rarity unless ur karmas from last birth were pretty enriching.

If you continue to be over protective of your child then soon your PILs will withdraw themselves.... and with or without fights it shall always be your WAY when it comes to your child.

nr11 · May 20, 2013

Thanks for ur replies.. I thought of all possibilties u all had mentioned.. but i still do not find a way to adjust or over come this. i ve been ignorant about this and now when it comes i ve to face the music.

ShilpaMa.. she carried my baby holding his shoulders and neck without supporting his head when he was 2 month old. DS couldnt hold his head because it was heavy and he cried a lot. she manipulated saying I didnt feed him properly to my husband so he cried. the very next day she did the same and my husband noticed it and yelled at her. she feels she s right always and didnt hurt the baby.. in the morning when i go to ve coffee in the kitchen she comes to our room carries the sleeping baby to her room.. y should she carry a sleeping baby.. or else my mil and fil will sit watching the baby for hours.. i feel over protective only after these incidents..

ShilpaMa · May 20, 2013

nr11, they long to be with your baby but can never accept being judged for being wrong or being watched.
They're assuming full right on their grand-child.

I can understand your pain... a lot of possessive moms with softer nurturing skills go thru it.
They're behaving equally kiddish by shipping the sleeping child into their room when you're not around.. and last they cud do was watch the baby sleeping (their height of desperation)... so one thing is there that they're attached to the child and are asking for some pvt time with the child without being monitored... most PILs will never agree that the child got hurt becos of them... and make stories to divert ....

Try the following... am assuming that the neck must be stable now... post bath... wrap the child and handover to your PILs for sometime and leave the room... you have to voluntarily share the child.. say start with 15 mins to 1/2 hr.... with no fear... and take it easy... if something happens don't over react.... soon they'll also start understanding and sharing with you. If you keep fearing that they'll harm your child... its really not going to help and lead to power struggle.. Grand parents are more attached with the child and worrisome about their safety esp male grand child... even if they hate the DIL...