Return to india alone or with husband.big dilemma...plz help

daisydew,

not the best person to help but will post what I understand and also so that your thread can get some visibility. I feel the kids are still young, so perhaps you could go to India for summer break, explore school and housing options and come back with information - talk to the schools, schedule appointments, zero in on the area you want to settle down and things like that. come back, tell your DH that you have done the ground work for the family and that he should start looking for jobs in India so that you an relocate together - I am suggesting this because what you have mentioned. Given the age of your kids, you could give yourself a maximum of a year's time for the move I think. meanwhile you can also work with your kids preparing them for the Indian curriculum.

Hope things work out for you for a smooth transition. Best wishes!

 

DaisyDew1980 - To my knowledge i feel what your husband saying is correct. I dont have experience on this, but i had seen my friends taking the similar path. You going alone and settling and he joining after 2 years is a good options by two ways

1) He can save money here. Money is important as well for leading a practical life
2) Have seen scenarios where family goes and not able to adjust (for kids especially) and come back again to US. He being here would give you a flexibility on this and he need not again start from scratch on looking out for a job.

If you have your parents and brother you can take care. Be confident and plan your activities what you need to do.

Hope this helps! Take care

 

daisydew1980,

Here is my 2 cents. I am not seeing anything different about your situation as compared to lots of other families that have made the often times difficult decision. But by and large everyone agrees the move to India is better tolerated when kids are young as yours are. Also with the exception of those cases where the husband has a job lined up in India, sending the family during the academic year break is common for obvious reasons.

Once you are settled in India and the kids are in school, your husband can look for a job in India or move and look for a job. Not sure anyone can address your worry about your husband staying back or delaying his move. This would be something you and your husband can best figure out. Does he have a fixed timeline on when he can join you or is it open ended? Another factor that would influence this decision would be your financial standing. Can he afford to give up his job in USA, move to India and sustain the family while looking for a new assignemnt?

Since you will have the support of your family I think you should not worry too much. Also sit down with your husband and come to some understanding about when he can/will come over. It is not so common to see entire family move at the same time. Most of the time it is one or the other who moves first.

 

Do you guys go to India often. It might be easier if you took a trip.

Also do not understand why do you want to buy a flat all of a sudden. You can always rent for few months and explore options.
Do you plan to work once you go there.

 

DaisyDew take baby steps.Moving to India, buying flat too many things.
First check for rental home near your parents place after you reach there. Then get the ball rolling for kids education and then once everything is settled when your DH comes for vacation you can start look into buying home. And also since in june the school will be starting I would say better to leave asap and then plan things accordingly.Or else you can go for summer vacation buy a flat while your DH can handle move to apartment and you can go to India next year by that time your second one will be 4 year old.During your vacation you can check for admission process and plan the move accordingly. I personally feel going in june and getting admission in good schools might be difficult and also kids will not have break. Do ground work .Split the work and make the move.I do think gradual move is easier where you can move in with kids first then a year or 2 later your DH can join you. In the mean time if for any reasons moving back didn't work out for you atleast you can come back kids.Thats what we are also planning.I'm planning to move next year but going to India this summer break to check admission and other stuffs.Sometimes it scares me to think I have to manage kids by myself and how they will dad but its a temporary situation which comes with R2I package.So plan and execute.And also just because your there in India don't expect your parents and brothers help all the time since everybody have their own life.I also have same situation.Parents living with brother.I don't want to move with them although they are good.Because stress/tension may spoil relationship.I will probably look for rental house in same complex and find helper. Good luck with the move
RP

 

Hai
settling in india is not a matter to worry.u first settle down and then ur husband can follow.it will be good for ur kids to have their grandparents and other relatives nearby.All the best!!!!