1. U.S. Elementary Education : What Parents Need to Know
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Retirement considerations

Discussion in 'H4 Indian Ladies' started by Malathi1, Jan 9, 2008.

  1. Malathi1

    Malathi1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    I am 60 years old and have studied/worked in a Govt. career for the past 25 years.
    and in private industry for close to 10 years before that. Now I am qualified to and would like to retire. My predicament is while I feel ready to rest, my husband feels that it is easy income coming and why disrupt it while the going is good. It helps us keep to a luxurious standard of living/travel etc. I make a very good salary as a Medical Librarian. Dealing with intellectuals in a clean environment. Hours are full-time, 8AM-4:30 PM M-F.

    Facts are:
    I got married at 19 years of age after which put myself through graduate school, had two kids, raised them, educated them, they got married and now we have 5 grand children aged 3-12 years who can also have more time with us. I have a lot of talents, I sing, draw & paint and would love to spend more time managing [decorating, cooking etc] my home. My point is we can live comfortably even without my continuing to work outside the home.

    I was able to manage both the household and a career well so far but now I am starting to feel the limitations of aging.

    What advise do you, my friends have for me?
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2008
    Loading...

  2. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    792
    Likes Received:
    52
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello Malathi

    First of all, Welcome aborad. You seem really enthusiastic person. I read your other post about confusion in spliting time between In-law and own relatives. I enjoyed reading it.

    Now before I go on to utter my opinion , i must tell i am just 30 years old, so half your age. From where i stand today, I think you have made pretty good life out of your career and house. And I would say its but natural that you feel like retiring.

    There is nothing wrong in considering it. Seeing people like us thinking about retiring at age of 40.. You have more leverage to do so. There is never enough for us to say, lets quit and start doing what we love to do.

    All you need is convince yourself first , then your husband. At you age, I dont think he should even have second thoughts.

    You can counter some arguments of his with following points.

    - it's natural for women to feel like retiring , because in 30-40 years of marriage they have certainly gone through more on biological and emotional side. Havign given birth to kids itself put its constraints on women's body. Then at home, normally the ratio of involvement is 60-80% in females.

    - for finance planning, chart out a safe budget for each month. And keep some amount for health related issues. If you address each of the apprehension logically . It will be easy to convince males. My husband and I keep talking about how we will take few months sojourn in africa after age of 45. Once you have finances well planned and implemented. There will be less fears.

    - About talents, Its about time that you allowed yourself to indulge them. Just stand for it. And you will realise how much you were missing.

    - Life is very inpredictable , so make most when you can. You have played you inning very well till now. Now its time you get some rewards for yourself.

    :cheers
     
  3. Malathi1

    Malathi1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you so much for validating my feelings and thoughts on this matter, dear!
    I have always been active, enjoyed life and contributed much to my family both financially and otherwise as almost all Indian and other women do.
    I know that I will make good contributions even after retirement by teaching things to the G-kids, etc. There is always something or the other for which money will always be needed and an excuse can be found to continue working to earn, right?

    Well, like you say, I will need to convince myself first that it is okay to take that long awaited rest. The rest will follow.
    Thanks, again for responding.
     
  4. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    8,454
    Likes Received:
    5,070
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Malathi,

    Different stages of life bring with it different problems !
    Before I continue, I belong to your age group too. I admire your efficient managament of work and home life and looks like God has been kind to you from what you say. :)
    Ria is a very wise young woman and has written with wisdom far beyond her age. I agree with her thoughts.
    For your info, my husband took an early retirement so that we could move to the US and be close to our adult children. It was a huge decision as he is the soul bread winner in the family. But then....we can buy many things in life, not health and time. So, in that sense, we have no regrets.
    I think you will not regret your decision if you retire. You seem to have many talents and interests. Nurture them and enjoy yourself in peace. I am sure your husband will soon realize the value of it all.
    The other option is, if possible, to go part time. That way, you have a bit of the both worlds!
    Wish you lots of luck in whatever decision you take.:)

    L, Kamla
     
  5. Malathi1

    Malathi1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Kamla,
    Thank you so much for taking time to respond. I really like what you say. Yes. Ria also had some good suggestions. I guess feeling ready, and actually getting/becoming ready [i.e. having an actual plan] are completely different things.

    It brings to my mind a comedy-drama I saw sometime ago starring Jaya Bachan "Ma Retire Hoti Hai!' Perhaps you saw it too. It shows clearly the perils of simply retiring without a structured after-retirement plan for yourself [how you wish to spend your days] in the face of a family of adult children with their own demanding and stressed lives! There was also another movie about couples at our stage of life called Baghban [Hema Malini/Amitabh]. Very interesting!

    I have managed to collect art-supplies and plan to set up a studio in my basement where I can draw and paint/sew etc., whenever I wish. I suppose I wouldn't mind working part-time outside leaving half-time free for my own pursuits. I am trying to fine-tune the specific things I can offer to my two adult children by way of support that won't unduly occupy me physically or time-wise in the process, and yet be of value to them and their families [Easier said!!!].

    I hope both you and your husband are enjoying good health-the foundation for everything else. I also hope you have enough freedom and independence to be yourselves in the new set up. This web community is just so great-it is like having my own dear, dear sahelis!

    THANKS, again for sharing your wisdom
    Malathi
     
  6. SoaringSpirit

    SoaringSpirit Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,381
    Likes Received:
    47
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Malathi,

    Let me tell you this first that unknowingly you are helping me gain clarity in so many of my own thoughts! J Thanks for that! Like your reply to the thread about dividing time between parents and in-laws had me in splits! I was sort of consoled to know that I am not wrong in feeling torn even after being married for a decade now!

    This thread is yet another one of those that gives me some clarity on my personal retirement goals!

    Kudos to you on being such a great example for all of us here – work, career, home and hobbies! You have made your mark in all these spheres!You surely deserve all that your heart yearns for!

    Yes, men do need the financial comfort much more than we women do. It is hard for them to just let go of the money part.

    Kamla and Ria have given excellent advice and have covered all bases. I agree with Ria that the key is to convince yourself first and address his apprehensions. Then stick to your conviction.

    The added suggestion that I would like to give here is it to make your husband see what is in it for him if you retire now. How is it going to benefit him, how is it going to better his life and the time you spend together, what are the things you will be able to enjoy together that you cannot today or never could do before due to time constraints.

    I try doing this “selling” to my husband too J. I have 20+ years before I reach my desired retirement age of early to mid 50s. But since my hubby thinks that I should probably continue to work longer than I plan for, I have started working on him right now itself! J

    Good luck. We will look forward to hearing soon on how well you are spending your post retirement days!

    SS
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2008
  7. Malathi1

    Malathi1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi, Soaring spirits!
    I love that name!
    Thanks for your thoughts.

    I appreciate all of you taking time to respond-it does help to get other perspectives.
    Malathi
     
  8. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    390
    Likes Received:
    24
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Malathi,

    First let me congratulate you on your successes. As a 40+ hoping to retire in the next decade or so I know very well what you are talking.

    I second Ria in that you need to convince yourself first to be able to put to action your intentions.

    As per your husband's thinking, i can only give you a real life example :

    you all might be aware of the social security benefits system. If you put off your retirement for few years then your retirement benfits will be different. So heeding her husband's advice over her intuition X put off retiring for 'Just 3 more years'. Sad part is X is diagnosed with endometrial cancer few months before her retirement and currently is undergoing radical treatment. The additional 2 years that she was working she could have spent persuing her interests, with her infant grand kids, or just plain doing everything else for which she didn't find time to do while working.

    As you already have several hobbies which you are passionate about, remember that you are retiring only from a "Paying job" not from life. I read your most recent post in "Rotten marraige" http://www.indusladies.com/forums/208549-post31.html. Apply the same logic to this decision in life except give more weight to your feelings :) (yours was the one response that for the first time made me visit the forum right from my personal email)

    take care,,,
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2008
  9. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    8,454
    Likes Received:
    5,070
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Malathi,

    Looks like you are thinking on the right lines. I wish you all the best! Do post some of your art works here, I would love to see them.

    Well, I am glad that you are looking at things realistically!....I am trying to fine-tune the specific things I can offer to my two adult children by way of support that won't unduly occupy me physically or time-wise in the process, and yet be of value to them and their families [Easier said!!!]......I am reflecting on those lines of your's!

    You will be amazed...man proposes and God disposes...is the saying. And whoever said it was talking with wisdom and experience! We can only plan that much, rest is up to Him and it is up to us to make the best of every day given to us...I think you will agree!

    Yes, I have seen both the films that you mentioned. Baghban is a bit overdone...all the same, a surprise that such a theme was attempted at that big a cost considering an elderly couple hog the show! And why not!?!

    Thanks for enquiring....we are ok! We are trying to count our blessings and deal with the rest! What is interesting is...we were prepared to face a rather quiet life, considering our age and stage of life. Making new friends at this age was next to impossible..was what we thought. Once again, we were proven wrong and that I met similar minded people in our age group was also a blessing that I gratefully recognize:)

    Keep informing as to how things will go for you....And like Blondie says, your response in the thread "Rotten life" was extremely impressive and I logged in to check if it was the same Malathi!!

    L, Kamla
     
  10. Malathi1

    Malathi1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Blondie.
    How nice of you to respond and so supportively too.
    Thanks very much for your thoughts and suggestions.
    Malathi
     

Share This Page