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Resentment And Anger For Mother

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Whyme20, Feb 24, 2020.

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  1. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    No. Asking it directly with my FOO present when she and father were still mobile and active in everyday life got angry outbursts from her. As they grew frail over 3-4 years, it didn't make sense to bring it up, and even if I got some answers over the phone or in my short visits, an upset and cranky elder in the house would have made life miserable for their caregivers. So, I distanced myself from it all while sending $$$ for 24x7 in-home assistants etc.

    I don't know why. It was gender thing for sure in some ways. But the gender thing that I could have comprehended would be that money is spent on girl's wedding, boy's education, more restrictions on girl, pride in boy etc. It was not like that. Didn't look for matches for me. No pressure to get married at 24-25. It was also that I didn't upgrade their lifestyle like other cousins in the family did to their parents. I bought them a house and gave lots over the years, but not as lavish. After a point, I stopped following her instructions to give to siblings. My friend suggested that maybe they were emotionally bankrupt by life's challenges -- but, at the same times as I remember neglect (?) towards me and beyond those times, they were active in helping relatives with money, advice and physical support.

    My best guess is it was a combination of many things. I missed asking her when she was still in her mid-60's and we had a reasonably calm relationship for some years.

    Some posts called it resentment towards parents. It was not resentment in my case. It was an honest quest as I saw other families and realized my experience was not normal in any way.

    ==========
    On a general note: the thing with such descriptions is that it seems like the adult child is still living in the past and not moving on. It is not like that. We lead normal lives, have some relationship with parents, but over time now and then, questions about childhood come up in the mind. We do appreciate what parents did, there are some warm memories, want our kids to bond with grandparents, but the questions also come up.

    =======
    Phew! What an emotional thread this has turned out to be!

    @Meghaa look what you did! Your thread inspired this thread. :tonguewink: j/k... am actually working on another chapter book for your thread. In due time...... Good thing it is a leap year. I need each day I can get. : )
     
    Meghaa, Amica, deepthyanoop and 6 others like this.
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    If closing thread will help, you can tag Cheeniya and ask for thread to be closed. Or, you can send a PM. Maybe you already know.. just mentioning.
     
  3. Whyme20

    Whyme20 Silver IL'ite

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    @Cheeniya this thread has well served it's purpose, I request it would be great if IL can close this thread.
     
  4. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thread-locker is in action again :blush:
     
    Sunshine04 likes this.
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