Relatives or Friends?

Dear AC,

Relatives are by chance ,friends are by choice.Guess theres very little we can do about it.I guess we make friends when we see certain warm traits in them ,hence also the fact that they do feel it neccessary to give a token, Even for me, though relatives do get something, but yet it is more of a compulsion, whereas friends get me these small token of love.It could be anything simple and inexpensive but the fact that they thought about it and found it necessary to show some kind of gesture to appreciate the fact that youve been a good hostess and that they are thrilled to visit you makes you feel good.
I understand what youre saying but I think relatives rather some of them take you for granted knowing you are bound to be together no matter what , but the worst part is when you go and pick up soemthing for them ,yet when they visit you again they will come swaying their empty hands.

I personally exchange lot of gifts .I find as much pleasure in giving as in recieving.

Good topic AC!!

Love,
Devika

 

Don't you feel lonely there AC! Unfortunately, I am here to give you company on this Happens to me many times.
Relatives have a tendency to take you for granted. I think it is a combination of the following few things - a) because you will be a relative no matter what.The common thought is friendships can be broken but not relationships with relatives. I think some people take undue advantage of this fact. If they happen to be from the in-laws side then the tendency is more. Just my observation. b) They know that we will never stoop down to their standards (not just in gifting but in our behavior towards them) so they have nothing to lose by doing what they do.
Tackling them is not easy. 'Cos what does not feel right to us in someone's behavior, is something we would not like to do to others either. So we cannot "give them back" per say. Avoidance and not going out of the way to make them feel uneccessarily comfortable is what I try to do. Sometimes this also may not be a possibility. Which is when I just do what is the right thing to do according to me and wait for God to make it right for me. Luckily he never disappoints!
SS

 

Devika, he he .... we wrote the same thing abt relatives sometimes taking you for granted! Believe me when I say that there were no replies here when I started typing. Only when I submitted my reply I saw you had beat me to it! Nice to see our thoughts sync!
SS

 

SS I told you there was something, there is definitely something to it!! hehehhheeee)

 

Hi AC,

Its always nice to receive something from anyone after they return from vacation in India...Yesterday, a friend, dropped in to give ripe alphonsa mangoes, from Salem...and little malligai poo(we don't get the flowers, here)...It was a nice gesture...I too always carry halwa from there to distribute here.

I understand, your disappointment with your relative....disappointment not becos of the sweets but at her gesture....or the absence of showing the token ...some people are like that......maybe not just relatives, even friends. But as you said....relatives will find the fault....so, maybe it hurt you more...sheela was your relative and as I understand a close one may be....Perhaps if she was some friend, you maynot have felt so much....just thought and left it....(don't mistake me...not pointing fingers at you...its just what i think...)
Yes, some relatives sometimes take us for granted...

bye

 

Dear AC,

Count me too in your list. It maybe a small pack of sweets or fruits or even a memento. My colleague had been on a tour to Mumbai with her DH and friends, she brought a small keychain for all the people in our wing. Maybe the gift is small but I just loved her gesture. The thought she rememberd all of us in Mumbai, showed how warm a person she is.

It is tooo rare to find these kind of gems but don't ask about relatives....... less said about them is better. Hence I do not expect from this quarters at all though exceptions are there.

 

Dear AC,
With many, most of us here relatives are like that per se. If you do the same thing they will have loads of complaints. Friends soemhow I feel understand you better most times that relatives do.I have been in that sitation most of the times.With relatives it is just that , but with freinds we share a bond that is beyond give and take.Realives will want you to be by them when in trouble, why should I you might think, but again if will only lead to problem if we reason with them or try to. So stick to your buddies.They are a safe bet for all seasons. My two cents!!!

 

hi, i feel this is common with all relatives. even i have the same experience. i think relatives just try to maintain the relationship which they dont really want, but friends r not like that they r the ones' for us in all times. it is good to have 1 friend instead of having many relatives like this.


madhu.

 

AC..Friends or relatives..Most of them come empty handed here..Few of them bring stuffs for my son..but none for us.I have stopped expecting..Thats all I could do..