Relationships

Kamalji · Oct 9, 2007

Relationships

Time of India,today, 24th May 07,has an interesting article.Amitabh Bachhan has written to his cousins and relatives in Allahbad,apologising for not calling them for the wedding of Abhishek.the reason given in the letter was that his mother Teji was not well,and the couple wanted a quiet wedding.The date for the function has been left blank.

This Blog is not about Amitabh or Abhishek.I am intrugued about relations.For the quiet wedding of AbhiAsh,they wanted a small party,and that small party consisted of Amitabh's new friends like Anil Ambani,Amar Singh,Mulayyam,Subroata Roy,and others such people.Amitabhi Came to know them just a few years back,and today they are invited ,and not the cousins whom he knows since childhood.

Life is so ironical.The child who is held in the arms by the Uncle or Mama, who pees in the lap,whose nappy is changed,who is taken out to the park,or who cires for a balloon,soon grows up,gets an MBA degree,a nice job,and one day decides to get married.He wants a small party.His new relations are his boss, collegues,and friends.Forgotton are the Parents Raltions,Far away Aunts,who are old,and old fashioned,and the youngster feels ashamed of their presence at the party.

I have seen this thing happen many a times.And for parents it can be very embarassing,but they cant do a thing.Or the wedding is held at places like Goa,far away, where only the selct few are invited,and knowing most oldie relatives will not come.For such wedding venues, along with the card, comes a small note,asking to confirm their presence,so that many rooms and food can be arranged.You can't go without confirming beforehand.

The old relatives cant even think of coming over to their houses to stay for a few days.Both the coupl;e are working,and who will look after the guests.But these are the times we are seeing today.for their own kids, sky is the limit.The kids get the best of the schools,overseas holdiays, the works.But no time for even yr own parents,forget the relatives,Aunts and Uncles.

Irony is that the nephew or neice ,who holds yr finger to go out with u to the park,or plays with you,with time may be ashamed of your presence at their marriages.

As you Sow,so shall you reap.

KAMAL MAHTANI

jaishree9 · Oct 9, 2007

hi kamalji
Very truely said. In past this was the choice of parents whom to invite & only a few cards were given to boy & girl for their friends .
But now the whole senerio has changed with all old treditons of marrige dieing & new TV versions r taking place & this has become like a picture shoot with all fineries & dazzling shows .
i have witnessed in most of marriges that by the time couple sits for saptpadi & yagya they & their friends just tell the pandit to hurry up all the pooja path .
No body pay ant attention to what the meaning of shlokas are & what vows are they taking. In the much publcized marriage of celebrity like Arun Nair & Liz they were sitted above the seat of purohit & were Dhut in alcohal.
We have lost the old real marrige ceemonies which were with all grandparents aunts ,uncles ,cousins & everybody remotely related were coming & particpating in functions & giving their blessings.
Jaishree

Meeta · Oct 9, 2007

Dear Kamalji,
Again another secret of human relationship........
You are absolutely correct that people have no time for the own and even at times they feel ashamed of their own..........
And another thing, you forgot to mention that when you have no money, nobody will call you in any of their function but when you become rich, relatives start invading into your life.......
The thing is that money has become the decisive factor for everything......even how to maintain with your relatives........
Don't you think if any of his relative would have a high status in the society, AB would have forgot to call them.....no........never.........
So, I can find the saying so true......BAAP BADA NA BHAIYA..SABSE BADA RUPAYA.......what say........
Regards.

puni88 · Oct 9, 2007

Hello,
Very true...
People now a days forget all relationships....
They have become too 'Mathlabis'.

~Punitha

krish22 · Oct 9, 2007

Hi Kamalji,

These days it is quite common not inviting relatives for weddings.They have also become just an act to showcase their status with the venues and decoratios completely omitting the rituals and rights.

latamurali · Oct 9, 2007

Kamalji

I agree with u, but its not happening in all the families

In my family, we still maintain relationship with all , we have very big list of relations and friends and used to invite them even for small occasions without fail,we wont delete them by status or anything and i persoanally have very good name among my relatives for this reason

And, i teach my son also, value of relationship and he is also like me

latamurali

Sriniketan · Oct 9, 2007

I totally agree with you Kamalji.
As of nowadays, families become nuclear, where will there be any relatives to be called for?

sriniketan

Aarushi · Oct 9, 2007

Hi Kamalji,

I like reading your stories... but have never replied to any one till now...

This piece is also quite well written as usual (like your others)...however my thoughts differ from the other responses...

We first of all don't know the exact guest list and whether AB did call some of his closest relatives or not. The ones he did not call, he might not have been close to them for years...(since it is also true that when a man becomes a celebrity or wins a lottery, he discovers a lot of relatives have suddenly descended on him for a share of the pie). He might have felt closer to his friends of several years with whom he has been sharing all his ups and downs...rather than some chacha's cousin's son whom he has met for all of 1 day when he was 5 yr old...

Even in our own circle of relatives, how many are there that are truly close to us?? Sometimes our friends help us more in times of need rather than a relative...

My point being, let is not be judgemental about who he did call and whom he did not...we don't know what the mindset of those relatives was before he became a celebrity...maybe they did not approve of his dad marrying outside his caste, ill treated his mom etc...let us also not forget that his dad was a poet and he was an aspiring actor for a long time, was finding it hard to get a job even in Allahabad radio...maybe the relatives behaved badly towards his immediate family then...as I said before, since we do not know the whole picture...we should not judge what he did too harshly...

Regards,
Aarushi

shree · Oct 10, 2007

kamalaji,

this is not exactly true in all the families. my family is also an exception to that. even for small occasions we gather together, though we r far away we still maintain the relationships.

Kamalji · Oct 10, 2007

Shree,

I talk in general.You are 1 in 10,i talk of the other 9 of 10.May god keep yr family close.Look around u, in the neighbourhood, among friends,and u will see so many Amitabhs.

Thanks and regards.kamal

Aarushi,

Thank u for reading my blogs and posting a comment on this one.I like yr views written ina very rational way.Yes u are right, in that we dont know how the relatives may have treated AB when he was a nobody.And friends may have stood by him.

In this case,i have gone by what the newspapers have reported.So i could be wrong,as they have away of making things sensational to sell their papers.

My point is this Aarushi.I have seen quite afew new rich guys here, who are my friends,who seem ot forget their relavies and invite new rich friends.

A uncle will always remain a uncle,as it the case with Aunts,Mamas, and other cousins.

However much we dislike them,or hate them,at least for marriage purpose,we have to call them, this is basic courtesy.

But then as u rightly say, it is Amitabh's wish, what does Kamalji have to do in it:-D

But Aarushi, if Kamalji keeps quiet, how will he ever write a blog.HAHA.

Thanks for yr kind comments,and keep commenting.Thanks and regards.kamal