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Read and laugh

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by krishnaamma, Feb 21, 2007.

  1. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    Here I am posting some jokes which sombody forwarded to me. Please go through it.

    What is a girl friend?
    Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
    --------------------------
    Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
    waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
    supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
    Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
    Falls?"
    --------------------------
     
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  2. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Read and laugh 2

    Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
    If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
    The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
    The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
    Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
    The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
    "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
    To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
    --------------------------
     
  3. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Read and laugh 3

    Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
    --------------------------
    What's the definition of lawyer?
    The larval form of a politician
    --------------------------
    Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
    A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
    ensures U Continue to do so.
    --------------------------
    Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
    Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
    --------------------------
    A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
    what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
    --------------------------
    :rotfl
     
  4. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Read and laugh 4

    Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
    Husband : Nothing.
    Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
    hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.:confused:
     
  5. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Read and laugh 5

    The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down



    Finally , the guys' side of the story.
    (

    I must admit, it's pretty good.)
    We always hear

    " the rules "
    From the female side.


    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!


    1. Men are NOT mind readers.


    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem
    only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.












     
  6. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The guy's rule Contd....

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
    See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
    don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1 If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
    other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did
    NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
    A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
    Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
    or
    golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape.
    Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    Pass this to as many men as you can -
    to give them a laugh.

    Pass this to as many women as you can -

    If you think they could take it sportively
    I think Il are sportive:2thumbsup:
     
  7. BhargaviChakravarthy

    BhargaviChakravarthy Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey,
    I really enjoyed it.:) :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2007
  8. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    These are some really funny ones...enjoyed them Krishnamma...thx!:2thumbsup:
     
  9. sunikris

    sunikris Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Krishnamma,
    Enjoyed reading..
    Its Really funny & sportive for women
    Thanku for sharing with us
     
  10. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    dear krishnamma,
    very funny,thanx for posting.:2thumbsup:
     

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