r all of us Hypocrites or just me

anotherstanger · Feb 15, 2014

Hey,
I'm a normal user of this forum. Even though My ID is private I decided to create an even more private one to Write about this.

So this is my question are we all hypocrites, especially when coming to the married life part.

The reason why i write this is when I saw the post on affair today. Most people replies as though it is not normal for married women to have feelings for other men.

I know that many if not most people in this generation (20-30 yrs) do still feel attraction to other person even though they are married (Be it a man or a women).

I know atleast 50% of that ends up in an affair. Then how come we have so many people rooting against having affairs?

Is it ok for you to have it and end it and no one knows about it. But when you talk about affairs you will be like. "oh I love my DH & kids to bits never ever felt a serious thing/ physical thing for another man/ woman"

Just to be clear I'm not judging anyone. My story - married for 10 yrs- loved for 3 before so 13 yrs with my H. Had multiple people along the way whom I have fallen for. Had 2 of them that became affairs. Ended each one after a very short while as it is never as good as you thought it would be. And to be completely Honest would not mind having another one (As long as he doesn't find out).

But if I was posting anything anywhere before now I would be the all perfect DW!!!

What do you think? How long are we going to keeping putting the show up for the society?

PS:I Have a Normal happy married life with DH and 2 kids

riya123 · Feb 15, 2014

OP , your reasoning is wrong.

Let me draw an anology so that you can see things more clearly. We all know stealing is wrong. You are reasoning out that, many people have the urge to steal and since there way too many thefts happening, people who do not encourage stealing are hypocrites.

I am drawing an equal between an affair and stealing. Affair is wrong, it is unfair to the other partner, children and the whole family itself. Just because many people have the urge to have an affair does not make it right. And No, people who do not support affairs are not hypocrites by any measure.

indoc · Feb 15, 2014

These affairs & flings, attractions etc. are temporary feelings.. will go away when we channelize this energy into something useful. Attraction to other person.. doesn't mean that you have to go all the way and "Just do it"...

GaythriV · Feb 15, 2014

We should rule the mind and the mind should not rule us. This thinking power makes us ie 'Human beings' different from other living beings. There is a 'code' like 'lakshman reka' which have other names too like culture, family back ground etc. which hinders us from taking such daring steps. People who dare are called hooligans ie. a lawless person and not a hypocrite in the society.

telugu1 · Feb 15, 2014

this thread is not in good taste..my :my2cents
Said this am comfortably registering myself in Hypocrite group

rachaputi · Feb 15, 2014

And to be completely Honest would not mind having another one (As long as he doesn't find out).

hmmm.. Share the same opinion with your H, atleast he will start searching for 'another one' from now on..

orchidgb · Feb 15, 2014

beware that is why AIDS is so common disease nowadays..

jasmine25 · Feb 15, 2014

Hmm... justification for unjustified acts notdonesmiley

smartengg · Feb 15, 2014

Very interesting question ,generally i don't reply to all threads but had to for this one.

OP, i agree we are all hypocrites to a great extent.
The best eg is- if we have an extra marital affair,we feel it may be justified for various reasons,but we may not accept our husband's affair even if he states the same reasons.

Having said that,i really don't think if there is anything universally wrong or right for all of us.
Everyone's life is different and so is their thought process.
I am no one to comment on what is right or wrong for you.
You have the right to live your life the way you want to , because we have just one life,and my way of living may be completely different from yours.
So i would say,you are the only person you need to justify,no one else.
IF you feel you are right,forget about the hypocrite/non-hypocrite society,but if you have self doubt,then you need to reflect.

sdiva20 · Feb 15, 2014

OP- Are you hypocritical or not is for you to judge but what you wrote is hypocritical.

For one, you say you "love" your husband and at the same time you say you have cheated on your husband and would not mind cheating again as long as you are not found out. If you ask me, I don't thing you love your husband. And for that matter your children. If you truly loved them, you would not jeopardize their happiness.

So on that subject- you may convince yourself that you have a happy married life but by your own account it does not appear to be a fact.

Attraction to opposite sex has been there since time immemorial- it is not limited to this generation. In this generation, there is lot of selfishness and instant gratification than any other generation from your accounts.

Attraction is even normal but being attracted and acting out on that attraction are two completely different thing. The first is in most cases normal and you can even laugh about it to your spouse (like a celebrity crush) or a friend but the latter is a selfish act that not just destroys your own self but also the lives of those one profess to love.

Yes it is hypocritical to say one has never felt attracted to anyone else after marriage but I don't believe 50% of the people in any country or culture culminate that into an affair. If I were so sorely tempted to cheat, I don't think *I* will act on it as and live with that guilt and neither can I face my husband who loves me so much or my child who looks to her parents to provide a safe and secure environment.