Punch Lines

Punchlines

1. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

2. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

3. If I save time, when do I get it back?

4. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

5. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

6. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

7. The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

8. As I said before, I never repeat myself.

9. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

13. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

16. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

17. I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

18. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?

20. Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

21. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word

22. Don’t frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

23. The Best of Proverbs: Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough

24. Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

25. Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep!

26. ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what? who’s in a hurry?

27. Whom are you working for? Same people. My wife and kids

28. Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting.

29. A drunk was hauled into court.
Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
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