Why would one want to celebrate "coming of age" when after marriage same person is ostracized from house or barred from activities for these monthly cycles? Makes no sense to me.
Seems like getting married is the only motive of a girl's life and this is being instilled into little girl's mind too..!! Why not to celebrate a function for young boys when they turn 10/11 that they have to become responsible, mature boys now and need to handle the testosterone well..!!
This is absurd.. I hope one day our society grows up and think beyond getting the girl married off!! Little girls enjoy their marriage functions too when child marriage is being performed. It does not mean they enjoy being married. Just that they like the new clothes, gifts and the attention. Parents of mature thinking needs to stop discriminating b/w girl & boy child and give them similar upbringing. Rather than instilling in girl's mind that the motive of her life is to get married only..!!
yeah, even i think many girls who like this function are more interested that they get new lovely clothes, jewels and many gifts. there are many girls who also think of marriage like this, lots of new clothes, jewels n gifts and are excited about marriage as they think it is a way to get ready , do all makeup and enjoy with husband . my own maid did a lavish puberty ceremony for her maid two years back and got her dd married last year. i was shocked and told her why dont you wait for some time as the girl is only fourteen and also threatened to tell police so she stopped working at my place. but my biggest disappointment was the girl herself was keen to marry . when i asked her why dont you tell your amma not to marry you now, she was like but akka why should i wait ? amma says i will get more nicer clothes and jewels than age ceremony. and i can put lipstick and makeup too after marriage. so for that young girl age ceremony or even marriage just meant new clothes and jewelry. from childhood itself they are tuned that marriage is the sole aim of life. . last i saw her she was three months pregnant with a alcoholic and abusive husband . i did not want to post all this negativity in op's thread as i feel its her personal life to do this ceremony and anyone who loves this ceremony is entitled to their view point but i feel decking up small girls as bride and doing all this is strange. from such small age girls are made conscious about their sexuality. thankfully i did not go through all this. In my family or even community as a whole there is no such function and i dont know anyone who treats their daughters or dil's as untouchables in periods. so seeing all this after marriage was shocking. on one side sil celebrates age ceremony and on other does not allow her own dd to enter pooja room or kitchen and give food and water in separate plate and tumbler in periods time. so whats special about celebrating puberty if you treat girl like a alien in periods? my mil had tried to implement this after my marriage and once told me dont go to puja room in periods and if you touch pickle it will spoil i was!!!!!!!!! I mean all my life at my parents home i touched pickle in periods and nothing happened to them , i told mil i will not do all this nonsense and she understood that i will not follow this crap. No offense to any community or region but i am even more surprised that on one side people celebrate puberty and on other girls who are menstruating are considered dirty and they dont attend pooja or go to holy places ???? if i find age ceremony as strange i find this practice to shunning a girl in her periods as stranger. i know some people might feel all this is not related to op's thread but somehow i find this irony funny, celebrating puberty and then shunning the girl in her periods.
Ignoring your mockery towards people who do this function, I will answer a few things. CM, I do not know why you should not touch the pickle jar etc as that is not followed in our culture. But yes, we do not attend pooja. 1. The reason why we are not allowed in pooja room is because of the holy chanting which normally goes on in the pooja rooms. Things like chanting of Aum, Gayatri Mantra etc are supposed to invoke sensation in certain nerves which can cause stomach pain and additional discomfort to a girl who is menstruating. 2. You do know that the blood which comes out during our periods is technically redundant/waste (you know the egg breaking and all?). In some cultures, people are expected to be completely clean before pooja. Like we are expected to take a bath and be clean. During menstruation, the blood keeps flowing even after a bath, technically making you 'dirty' according to few people. So, that is why they say its not recommended to pray during menstruation. However, if prayers are sincere, I am sure God will overlook this, over look everything, if the heart is pure. 3. During puja, it is expected that apart from physical purity we also need to posses a mental focus towards God. During menstruation, all of us have emotional fluctuations and is supposed to dilute the effect of puja and hence its not recommended. 4. My grandma has a theory that in olden days, women are expected to work from 5 am till the time they go to bed. During periods, it is wisely decided that at least for those 3 days, let the lady rest, recoup and then join back the family (basically, sit and do nothing). Makes complete sense. This has also been discussed in lenght below: http://www.indusladies.com/forums/q...-spirituality/17435-why-should-we-not-go.html Perhaps you should refrain from calling this "crap" as even though you say no offense, it is offensive.
I am truly surprised that this is all you have gathered from this thread. For every tradition we have in India, there is some rhyme and reason to it. If you cannot appreciate it, at least try to know more about it dear. There is more to puberty than the intention of getting married. And we are not discriminating just because we do a function. If you do not want this fucntion for your children, by all means dont do it. Please dont be judgmental by saying that people who do this are discriminating.
Rakhi, I did not want to hurt or mock anyone. But I m seriously surprised that even though being so highly educated you think a woman is dirty in mmenstruation. And yes I do know what is menstrual blood made of( ignoring even your mockery of , you know the egg breaking and all as I'm from medical background and a doctor by profession). So as per me it is just a normal physical phenomenon. Not something for which small girls are treated as untouchables. I have seen people say that if a menstruating girl touches god pics or idols or gives food to men folk it becomes dirty. There are many women here on IL only who say that in their homes they can't serve food to men in the family when they have periods, now how can food become dirt if a menstruating woman touches it ? Or how can clothes become dirty if yo touch them in periods. As per me , it is a way of humiliating girls. God made both men and women and he only won't like that a menstruating women should not pray to him?? You yourself say having a pure heart is imp so , how can a woman who is having periods become impure? I can agree to your concept about giving rest to women in periods but how many do really get to rest. You are very right that women who did hard work like in fields etc could get a rest in that period but now we se many people just choose what suits them. I have read many posts here only that women do all household work but can't take part in any ceremony just in the name of periods. Taking rest should a woman's decision and this isolation thing should not be forced in the name of giving rest. Isolating women when they have periods has been banned in Nepal . The purpose of this ceremony was to tell everyone that the girl is now fertile can be married and suitable proposals can come but now who gets married at thirteen? If our previous generation followed something and it was relevant at that time ,it is not necessary that it is relevant at this time too. Honestly rakhi I do find it weird. And yeah I would again say my motive is not to be offensive , but if I feel something is wrong I will not agree. If someone tries to humiliate and treat me as if I m some alien when I have my periods I would think of that as crap.and yeah thanks for the link , I just went through it and if you read all the posts again you will find that many people don't agree with this concept of women being impure in fact there are many who felt bad , please go through some comments on last few pages and you will know how anguished many women are to be treated like that. Also I remembered a snippet I read here http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...menstruation-curse-matter-rejoicement-my.html. please do read it. Anyway this shall be my last post here as what ever we are discussing is not related to op's question. We shall save this discussion for some other thread.
CM, ok, let's make this clear. You are against celebrating the first cycle and the subsequent cycles restriction. They are two different things. Lets not mix them. Celebrating it: apart from the reasons I have mentioned, I have also called my grand ka asking why we do this, just this morning. Apart from what I said, she added the below: 1. The holy chanting which happens during or immediately after this first cycle is supposed to help regularize the subsequent cycles. 2. It invokes good health with no fertility issues in future. 3. Marriage is not the only reason why this was celebrated. Just like when we pray with all the customs during wedding will not ensure a great married life, this function will also not ensure everything said. While you might argue the validity of this reasoning, this is what I was told. I do agree that getting married and having children is not the only goal in life. But, at least for me, it's a very important part of life, though not the only thing. While I am partially proud of my work, what truly makes me happy is my family. If a prayer is being done to help with this, why not? I feel incomplete without my family. So, yes..for me marriage is an extremely big component in life. If it makes me backward or if it makes me narrow minded, so be it. For this, it's still very relevant to me. Why is this a bad thing? Subsequent cycles: 1. Yes, I am probably a fool to believe that I should not go to a temple during menstration. The reasoning is simple, if I should not go do a Pooja without taking bath, I will not do a Pooja during the cycles. Yes, a pure heart is what is needed: in that case, why even go to temple/church etc at all? Since god is omnipresent, why even build a monument? Why even pray As He is within us? How far can we take the generalization? I hope you read the other reasons in have mentioned, apart from this. 1,3,4. For 4, I only know one family who follow this not touching anything concept. That aunt is more than happy during the cycle as all she does is sit and play XBox for 3 days. Nobody else I know follow this untouchable thing. 2. I do NOT believe that serving food to others/ etc will make the food dirty. I don't follow this, so I don't know why people do this. You will have to ask people who follow this. We don't follow the isolation concept as well. Actually, other than not going to temple and all, we don't do anything extra. 3. If people are feeling traumatized by this, they have to take a stand (like you did) and say no. P.S: honestly, I did not know you are a doctor. Else I wouldn't have asked you if you knew about they egg and all. There are surprising number of women who don't know why we mensturate (including my lovely sister). Hence that question. Since you felt it was mocking you, I sincerely apologize. P.S1: the reason why asked you to go through that link was to show that there are two sides of the coin. P.S 2: I will read the link you provided..not today but soon. P.S 3: When my dd starts her cycle, I will explain everything what I said here to her. If she is of your opinion that this is all crap, I will respect her judgement and will not make it a big deal. If she would like to have a small ceremony like what my parents did for me, I will be more than happy to do that. Either way, she will have the last say.
I Agree with you that having a loving family can give us immense happiness, I have myself taken a break from my career to enjoy some precious moments with my husband and baby. I have always said in many threads here that having a good partner can make your life more meaningful and i dont have any shame to admit it and dont find it backward but to tell a girl who attains puberty that all this is done for happy marriage is a little too early(jmo).So yeah marriage and family is a very important part of my life. But what ever I have done, either to work hard or to take a break has been my decision so when I see people forcing something in the name of tradition I don't like it. What I did not like was to have a lavish age ceremony and then isolate girls in periods but then that's just my views which are influenced by my upbringing. About the pooja , I feel it is more of our views. If I share my religious view , Guru Nānak, the founder of Sikhism, condemned the practice of treating women as impure while menstruating.In Sikhism, the menstrual cycle is not considered a pollutant. Certainly, it can have a physical and physiological effect on the woman. Nonetheless, this is not considered a hindrance to her wanting to pray or accomplish her religious duties fully. The Guru makes it very clear that the menstrual cycle is a God given process. The blood of a woman is required for the creation of any human being. ‘By coming together of mother and father are we created, By union of the mother's blood and the father's semen is the body made. To the Lord is the creature devoted, when hanging head downwards in the womb; He whom he contemplates, for him provides.’ (Guru Granth Sahib Ji, p. 1013). Meditating on God's name is of importance. Whether your clothes are blood stained or not (including clothes stained from menstrual blood) is not of spiritual importance. Thus, there are no restrictions placed on a woman during her menstruation. She is free to visit a gurdwara, take part in prayers and do Seva. In The Feminine Principle in the Sikh vision of the transcendent, Nikky Guninder Kaur-Singh writes: ‘The denigration of the female body “expressed in many cultural and religious taboos surrounding menstruation and child-Birth” is absent in the Sikh worldview. ... Guru Nanak openly chides those who attribute pollution to women because of menstruation’.[18] The link which I provided was posted by a elderly member here who shared her own personal struggle and views about this topic and is very nicely written , so do go through it when you get time. Debating on this topic aside but I do want to say, I liked your views that you are open and honest to say that you will respect your dd 's decision and won't force anything on her.
Well Said Cutemonster, I always used to feel why shouldn't we pray God during menstruation. In my opinion Menstruation is a holy thing which helps in nurturing the world. Though it is a holy thing many used to oppose praying lord, Which I didnt like. Just came to know from ur post that it was followed in Sikkism. Good to know it. Thanks for the information. You have well written what was there in my mind.
