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Prospective Groom is saying my dad has final responsibility before kanyaadaan

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by payalarora, Aug 1, 2013.

  1. payalarora

    payalarora Senior IL'ite

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    What really makes me sad is that if any groom does not finalize financial part with my dad before marriage, my dad will try to save as much money as possible and marry me cheaply.

    He was thinking on same lines with this alliance before the groom said i want to make financial part clear. After the groom said yes, he and my dad met and the first discussion was regarding the functions. Then the discussion spilled over to fixed deposit and cash in lieu of gifts.

    I am not against decent and reasonable dowry. It is my right that my dad should do what his budget allows.
     
  2. payalarora

    payalarora Senior IL'ite

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    Yes Rakhii guy is good. You have assessed it correctly. He didn't said Fixed deposit in joint name. He said to my dad please give to your daughter.
     
  3. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

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    "Yes i have met him twice. Both meetings 1 hour long at coffee shop. The negotiations are between Groom and my dad.

    Groom is gem. He is better looking then me, family oriented, speaks so softly, very fair (gora) while i am fair. No bad habits. We have verified from his previous address where the family stayed for 20 years and all have given positive report about him. They have their own house and it is a big plus.

    He did said to me he liked me because i am also family type of girl. He is looking for simple girl and i fit into his criteria. I feel he can get a better looking girl then me but he explained to me he is looking for a girl who can adjust with him. He is very expressive and a good communicator. He told me some very good looking girls which he met and their expectations were very high.

    He assessed my personality correctly. Apart from a good loving family and decent standard of living, i am not materialistic.
    "


    looks like you like him a lot..go with what you feel is right...
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
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  4. Livinglife

    Livinglife Silver IL'ite

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    In my opinion, What you expect from your dad as part of inheritance is not your future (or current) husbands business. Just like what he will receive from his parents is not your business. You say that your father does not intend to give any part of his property to you, so you deserve a dowry from him instead. Will you also be taking care of your parents and contributing to their everyday & medical expenses in the future ?? Basically will you & your to-be, be sharing the responsibility with your brother & his wife until your parents live ? IF the answer is NO, you should NOT be demanding/expecting anything from your parents, least of all your to-be.

    I would be VERY WARY of someone who likes to dictate financial matters to myself & my parents even before the relationship is finalised. Frankly, no matter how you put it, your to-be is asking for a dowry. Basically he is saying if his demands of fixed-deposits, cash gift & decent wedding are not met, he is not marrying you. As a 21st century girl dont you think that he is marrying you with a bunch of financial constraint ?
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
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  5. SGA

    SGA IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel the same thing will she and her hubby take care of her parents in future.....

    Also today even if your Father keeps fix deposit in your name .... what is the guarantee that your inlaws or husband might not tortures u to transfer it in their name ???
     
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  6. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    To me it seems you have pretty much made up your mind towards this guy and you are inclined towards him. Personally I feel, he is asking for dowry in a fancy way. When you wanto hold your nose, you hold from front or from you hand around your back, its still holding nose. I am disappointed with this man. What your dad gives you and when, should be your father's decision and not your would-be husband's and not even yours.

    Your dad worked hard for this money, nobody including his children have rights to put claims on it. It will be his generosity if he decided to give it to either of you.

    If you are looking for virtues, look for a guy who will truly marry without dowry , not one who looks good and is asking for dowry in a way that it does not sound like it. I think you are attracted by his looks and way of negotiating or talking but might not have grasped his true personality.

    At the end, its your decision to marry him or not, but be careful and more insightful.
     
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  7. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    huh... You are kidding me right. He is telling you openly that he is choosing you on account that you will adjust.He is also telling you that he is getting better looking girls and he is still choosing you. What a looser...

    I nice guy would have just point at your qualities rather than giving you a comparison the way he gave.

    I wonder if you are not looking beyond the superficial attraction of polite voice, fair color, and looks. please be very careful. It would be nice to discuss in details on what sort of adjustments does he forsee, what are his expectations, would he support you being independent and career oriented etc.
     
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  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    You are entitled to a share in ur dads property because........?
     
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  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    From what I understand of OP's case is that, she comes from a very conservative, traditional family where most of the time its the guy who decides everything. There are still a lot of households like this; specially some traditional business people. Another thing I noticed is that, OP and her brother are/were not given equal rights...meaning, as a male child in the family, he gets the 'cream' of the pie and OP gets the pie crust.

    I think OP is worried that her father is trying to find a cheap way out and the priority for him is a cheap wedding and not the 'right' guy. All this said, no wonder OP is also thinking in terms of having some sort of financial security by marrying someone.
     
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  10. Mommie007

    Mommie007 Silver IL'ite

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    You are here for everyone's opinion, so here is mine.. If I were you, I would not marry him. He is telling your dad what should be given to you, even before you guys are married. Trust me it will be the same after too. But if you have already decided on him, then I hope I am wrong and wish the guy is really good like you've mentioned! Good luck!
     
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