Problem with my in-laws

Hi,

I am facing a problem with my in-laws related to money and i really dont know how to solve this.

Firstly, let me start with my background. I was a widow with a 1 yr baby girl. All my relatives, including my mother and brother (lost my father) started harrassing me for money. I am a software engineer. i used to feel very lonely and nowhere to go.. Then i met this wonderful person (who also became my husband), who gave me all the love in this world and treated my baby like a princess. He used to try his best to make me come out of the depression and make me happy. He also told his parents that he wants to marry me. They opposed very seriously but he went ahead and married me. They refused to acknowledge our marriage.

Now a little about my husband's background. His father is a govt clerk and his mother a home maker. He has a younger brother. His father retired about 4 years back and his brother is working part time. So my husband sends money for their monthly expenditure. He also sends extra money for any extra expenses they have.

So after our marriage, my husband made my life heaven. He adopted my daughter and pampers her like a princess. I cannot explain my thanks or love for him in words. After all the harrassment from my own mother, his love and the happiness he gives are wonderful. My husband made sure that after marriage, i and my in-laws dont come in touch with one another to avoid the friction. It has been 2 years after the marriage and until now i havent talked or seen my in-laws..

Before marriage, my husband used to send 10,000 per month for their parents monthly expenditure. After marriage, demands from their side started increasing and now we are sending 25000 per month. Apart from this, any extra expenditure from their side like bike for my BIL or jewellery for my MIL have to be borne by my husband.. i know that they are emotionally blackmailing my husband for money. They even blame my husband for not sending enough money.. But my husband who is so mature in understanding things, fails miserably in this area.. he thinks that the money he is sending to his parents is very less and his parents are always hardpressed for money...

In bangalore, living in a rented house of 15,000 our monthly expenditure doesnt cross 25000. They are living in their own house and they say that 25000 per month is not enough. They say they spend around 20,000 for medicines and only 5000 for their expenses.. Oh please.. i would really like to know the medicines which are costing them so much...

I wonder how my FIL managed just 5 years earlier when he was getting only 4000 salary and my husband couldnt send any money due to a small job???!!!!

Thats not all, my husband due to his initial reckless ways of spending has landed in a loan of 25laks and almost all of his income goes in repaying those loans. There is no saving at all. I am very much concerned about my daughter's future. If this goes on, how will we plan for my daughter's future??

Please guide me how to enlighten my hubby on this. He is a very nice person and i dont want to hurt him. I talk very little about my in-laws with my husband and that too to enquire their health and well-being b'coz thats a very sensitive subject.

Hope you understand what i am going thru.. How to tell my husband that his parents demands are too much without hurting him??

 

Hi Lata,

Thank you very much for understanding my situation. That is a very good advice.

But the problem is as i and my in-laws dont interact, i do not know much about them or their expenditure. When i ask my husband about this, he says that the medical expenditure for my MIL alone is 16000 per month and so even if we send 25000 per month, it is barely enough for their needs, so they cannot save anything out of the money we send them. I really wonder what treatment would cost so much on a monthly basis!!??

They know how much debt my husband is facing. Sometimes we had to postpone the payment of some EMIs due to lack of money and that almost became a legal problem. They know everything about this but still keep asking my husband for more. And they dont do it direclty also. My FIL says that he couldnt buy medicines for my MIL this month due to some other expenditures. Immediately, my husband sends them the extra money for the medicines. I sometimes feel they are emotionally balck-mailing hiim.

My husband who is very mature in thinking about life doesnt give much thought to financial planning especially when it comes to giving money to his parents. I tell him that if we continue at this rate we will not be able to face any crisis situation. But he says, it is necessary to keep his mother alive. What can i say to that?

As per your advice, i gave instructions to my bank to convert a part of my salary every month to fixed deposit. But that would bring a lot of pressure on us financially.

It is a first step towards our financially secure future and i am glad i started it atleast now. Thank you very much Lata ji

 

One more thing i would like to add is that nowadays my husband is getting very touchy when it comes to discussing money matters. He is becoming very moody & sulky for days when i raise the topic that i am scared to even discuss about planning of the finances.

So how can i discuss with my husband?

 

Hi Amsa,

When i asked him his opinion about the money sent to his parents, he says that it is their medical expenses which resulted in such expenditure and that they cannot survive without the medicines. What can i say to that? If i talk anything more, he would look hurt and i cannot speak further.

Regarding taking loan to buy assets, we already have personal loans amounting to 25laks. Sometimes we find it difficult to pay the EMIs also. My in laws know about this financial situation. But still their demands keep on increasing.

Now i am planning to take some money out of my salary on 1st itself and make it a fixed deposit so that we cannot move the money. Let me see what happens.

 

Hi Aarushi,

My MIL is suffering from arthritis and diabetes. But i know few of my relatives who have diabetes or arthritis problem. They dont spend so much on their medicines. My FIL says that they are using ayurveda. But is it so expensive??

As per your advice, i will not raise the topic about finances. But i will quietly start investing something on her name. These days i am so panicky about the financial situation that i am not able to sleep at nights..

I would like to thank all of you for your advice. I will definitely try them out. More than the advice, it is the confidence that i can share my thoughts with someone and rely on them, that is keeping me going.. :2thumbsup: