Private time with the spouse

I agree 100 Percent that when we are newly married he always used to find atleast one chance to spend time with me and talk with me very interestingly. I don't say that Love has decreased but after Kids the attention is dragged by my sweet daughter more and now I always tell him spend some time with me too..By the time we want to spend my husband will be so tired and he will be literally half slept and sometimes I even cry that see you are sleeping and not spending..Very few time it comes when we both mutually get a time to talk...when my princess sleeps early in the night. But its also a part of life...We do miss but once the kids grown up it will be set right I guess. But I know for a women it disappoints sometimes that too when we are very far from our parents and siblings.

A good discussion you have thrown Anuradha....Keep it up

 

Dear Anuradha ji

INNER BLISS attracted me and hence happen to get to this post of yours, well about your thought .... we need to be as usual as we were when we were married but most of us or not, we are busy in many things like household, kids, relatives, career, planning for future and we are missing out the important moments of the present. More than us DH misses (unless they are not money minded or self centred) what he expects from us

One thing we should be clear with is that even a second gone, is gone so there is no point in looking back and say Oh!!! it could have been there.

We as couples are little different we take the life with the present moment, we are married for a little over a decade still our plan for future is less, if we start saving or mad rush for earning means you are not living for yourself. Many friends laugh at us when we say our aim is not build palatial buildings, have 10 sets of jewellery but be happy with your family. Enjoy life spending time for each other and family. that satisfaction brings you luxury in thoughts and deeds

All what has to happen will happen at the right time whether good or bad, it is all predetermined, Ill effects can be reduced by surrending ourselves to the almighty, there is whole lot of meaning to have be born as human, sorry if am little philosopical.

Take care and be happy!!!

 

SATISFACTION is the key.. wonderful thread by the way !!!!!

 

I think few years down the marriage, there is a sense of stagnation because once the children arrive, our lives automatically revolves around them. Where there was plenty of communication between the husband and wife about their personal lives, likes, interests, goals etc ...the communication now was mostly about children and mundane things like bills and household things.

In early days of marriage, every couple in the "getting to know each other" and "planning" phase are totally involved in one another, do fun things together at the spur of the moment and once the children arrive, the priority especially for the woman becomes the children. One cannot have a heart to heart conversation with the spouse with the children screaming for attention in the background or hug each other without the children barging in.... ( My daughter when she was small wouldnt even let us sit together...she would always jump between or would want to know abt everything we were talking ) The private intimate moments reduce...everything becomes a routine and more often this is the time the man feels the distance and therefore focuses all his energies in his proffessional career and seeks solace in his work. For a woman, this is the time she needs her man to be around and reassure her that she is still attractive and needed by him but finds him distant and focussed on his work so...she too feels isolated and unappreciated. Midlife stagnation sets in...Ultimately neither is happy...each walking around with private pain unwilling to share.

Both need to make a continuous effort to appreciate each other...it is very easy to disconnect and then blame one another for failure but to succeed one has to constantly work. Our efforts to work on the relationship may not be reciprocated initially, but if we persist...it will soon become a habit for both.

For me, I was in the danger of falling into the rut, until my mom came to my rescue, she insisted that we both go on a break for few days somewhere nearby.....just the two of us and volunteered to take care of our daughter when she was small. Although i felt guilty to leave my daughter behind, i found her happy and she enjoyed being spoilt by her grandparents in my absence. The break did us both good... now it is an annual ritual...whenever we go to india, we make it a point to go on our own for 2, 3 days ..and our daughters enjoy the break from us too.Those 2,3 days break erases all the pain, feelings of loneliness and rekindles the love in the relationship....we could even fight without the fear of upsetting the children...and clear the air... Now both of us look forward to that time... We have to make some conscious effort to make time for each other... I may not have time to sit and talk to him, but i SMS him or e-mail him during the day to find how his day is going and initially he would find it funny that i wanted him to reply ...but now he too drops in a line himself. Not much is required...even a 10 minute after dinner walk together can work...This is just one way to stay emotionally connected...

 

Mansi....you have exactly written as what I'm going through. Yes, really such breaks and time-sharing refreshes the whole relationship bonding's again.

On the whole, how we take things based on situations, how much we heed to understand each other plays a major role here.

Lovely thread....Anuuuuuu

 

I agree that this private time is very much needed for a couple.

At first, we thought it would be enough if we both could stay at home taking off at the same time. But later realised that this is not doing any good, as staying at home, we are ended up in talking about finances or some blah..blah.. the routine stuff.

Then I told DH, we need to plan for vacation, and go out to a new place, but it should be leisure enough that we do sightseeing as well and we get some free time. Being in a new place, we tend to talk about the new place or something else and not the routine stuff. I am very particular about the plan to be leisure enough even if we are not able to visit all the sightseeing locations, as roaming around will just make us tired, and wouldn't serve the purpose of a holiday.

Initially DH was not so willing, but still planned for a trip. But after the trip, he is really excited, and is willing to plan a trip each year. He too understood that it is very very essential for us to have a break in both of our hectic schedule.

 

Lovely post... I already could sense this going to happen in my life too, but DH does not understand the seriousness....