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Posh Relative Visiting

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rizi, May 8, 2017.

  1. rizi

    rizi Junior IL'ite

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    Hello everyone
    My husband's cousin is visiting us soon. I have no issues with this, but need a bit of help in handling a situation.( a little bit of about this cousin. very rich and posh, only would visit rich or posh relatives, kinda that personality... I have heard from other relatives that this lady does not remove her shoes when she visits,walks on carpets rugs, etc. the relative whom I heard this from is not that posh or rich, this rich cousin visits them once in a lifetime for a formality etc.) My issue here, I have an issue with people walking with their shoes,( i have a very clean house. when people visit me I always get a WOWW) I straight away tell everyone to take off shoes,( of course in a nice way) also have a notice at the front door. this cousin in her 60s, if I tell her to remove her shoes in any way she will 100% mind it, how do I handle this?? please advise me. and whenever we visit India she invites us etc etc. this is the first time she is visiting us in the UK, I know it's not a major problem but pls ladies pour your thoughts...
    thanks
     
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  2. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    If you have a sign outside, she will obey it, that is a sign of true poshness. I am somebody who has always wished for clear rules. I need to know what the rules are before I walk into an environment. These days, where everybody is confused and one is meeting people from all walks of life, it is very difficult to know what to do. Clarity helps. I for one, would be shocked if somebody removed their shoes in my home and introduced me to the aroma of their smelly feet. Dirt is easier to get rid of than the traumatising olfactory memory of pungent feet.

    Perhaps you can provide your cousin with some nice white slippers. Some people do not like to walk around with exposed feet in an alien environment. Good luck and let us know how the visit goes :)

     
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  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like d shoes r d problem here. Earlier I remember everyone taking off der shoes before entering into anyone's house. but now it's not like dat, Ppl mostly prefer to b wearing it. Our friends n us wear it most of d time. But dey or us always ask if it's ok to wear inside while entering. If they r not ok, we remove. Or if we r not ok, dey remove. whose ever house it Is, it's der call.

    So it's definitely ur call. Plus u hav a sign board too. For this person, make sure u put d sign bang on d door so she 'surely' sees it. Or tell her sweetly. But since u r 100% sure she will mind n won't like takin off her shoes, offer her a new home slippers. It's clean for u n she still gets to wear a slipper. It's a win win for u n her.
     
  4. happygolucky22

    happygolucky22 Silver IL'ite

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    If she ignores ir does not see the sign about removing the shoes then please have a new pair of soft house shoes/slippers ready for her to use and you can gently ask her to change into those slippers once inside the house. This will not sound rude too and also will give her an option to not walk barefoot which many people (including me ) don't like but I always carry my spare new slippers . If nothing else she can wear socks to avoid being barefoot. You just wait and watch this doesn't have to be first thing you say once she enters in the house. you can wait for 5-10 minutes and after causalities are over gently guide her if she hasn't removed shoes. I would suggest not to be biased based on someone else's comments :) May be she will behave in a total different way in your house. Welcome her with an open mind dear
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    She is your husband's cousin. Let him handle the telling.
     
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  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Buy a new hawai chappal/flip flop ..Leave it near the door . As soon as the cousin walks in.taker her belongings..smile.. and as u walk towards the guest room ..tell her . "You might have forgotten to pack ur home slippers in all the hurry I have a new pair just for u..please do use them. Let me show u where to keep ur outside wear." This should do.
     
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  7. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Guests should always be forewarned.

    Let her know ahead of time that you require visitors to remove their shoes in your home. Ask if she would like you to provide house slippers. If yes, what size.

    Some guests prefer not to take their shoes off at all. In that case, you can offer disposable shoe covers.

    If the footwear issue is a deal breaker for both of you, you can offer to take her out for dinner.

    The better option is to let it go, be mentally prepared that she may or may not take her shoes off. Relationships matter much more than a spotless carpet. You can always vacuum as soon as she leaves. [​IMG]
    .
     
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  8. Visalu

    Visalu New IL'ite

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    Agree with Amica. It's one visit. If she keeps her footwear on in spite of the sign, let it slide!
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nope. Not always. If the person was clueless about taking off shoes (which is hard to be if you are from India, if you see others not wearing shoes inside the house, if you see a bunch of shoes sitting by the door).. so, if the person was clueless about taking off shoes, presenting new hawaii chappals will work. Otherwise, the person will respond by asking, "Oh is it OK.. can I please wear my shoes/sandals... am comfortable in them/prefer to wear them..." At which time, OP will not have enough time to come and ask here in thread 'what to do' : )

    Most likely at that time, the man and lady of the house look at each other, smile helplessly, and cannot say to the guest 'no please take off your shoes.. use hawaii chappal..'

    Come now.. about what all can the guest be forewarned. If I am visiting somebody's house, I want to be forewarned only about pets...

    Isn't that only for service providers or movers etc who come to your house? : )

    Vacuum does not do it. The outside shoes would have been worn to so many places including public toilets, airplane toilet and would have stepped on what-not on the street. If that is worn on the carpet or rug, it is almost impossible to clean that rug/carpet enough. Can't do steam cleaning just for this, no?

    And people who don't wear outside footwear inside the house, tend to use the carpeted floor for things like putting clean laundry, or just to sit down.
     
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