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Pls Help my friend about her married life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sakti, Jul 13, 2007.

  1. sakti

    sakti New IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    I am a newcomer to this website. I have read some of the posts here and the responses that others give to people in need. I need help too ladies. This is for my best friend. She got married a little over a year ago. It was an arranged marriage.The first couple of weeks were ok in her married life. Her husband was working in London. So she had to join him there. Her problems slowly started in the form of her inlaws who are very possessive of their son. They kept calling my friend and her husband at odd times like the middle of the night and kept talking to him for hours. She was like any other newlywed girl wanting her husbands attention. Her husband was not interested in any activites involving her. Life went on like this for few mths, my friend found herself a job there. they were constanly having arguments and difference of opinions mainly because of his parents. Things started getting out of control and now he has started threatening her and abusing her physically. The most sad part in this is they have not had any sexual interaction at all. what kind of a man is he? my friend does not know what to do. she is planning to come to india in december, but is also afraid for her life there until then. she is not at all interested in continuing this relationship. her parents are so worried and scared for her life. Pls help ladies, I suggested that she should try counseling and medical help for his problems. What should she do. If you all know any counselors in india pls pm me. I will let u know the city in the pm. I need help in advicing her. Pls help.


    thanks,
    Sakti.
     
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  2. sanju

    sanju New IL'ite

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    Re: Pls Help!!!

    sakti this is a very sensitive situation .As u have said tht quarell first started becoz of their parents calling them in midnights but this is not at all a problem of course ur frd thought it as a prob.Any parents have their own freedom regarding their children even after marriage so in same way ur frds husb parents called to talk 2 him.But i found main problem is tht they didnt have any sexual interaction till now.c sexual interaction could b only when they r happy with their patner &when they have good understanding b/w them.Ask ur frd 2 spend more time with him like taking 2 him ,sharing both interests.IF she take decision to come frm him their would b many problem later so ask her 2 think.If he is struggling her much like beating every time,scolding tht she could bare then ask her 2 consult her parents wht 2 do.C evry family would have same situation but understanding & having patience in one would solve this situations ofcourse if it is unbearable means we cant tolerate.but ask ur frd 2 be patience as possible & try 2 understand him.GOD BLESS HER.HOPE SHE WOULD B HAPPY IN FEW DAYS.
     
  3. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Pls Help!!!

    Hi,
    I really felt bad after reading your friends situation.
    Only god should solve this problem. I really don't have anything to say.....
    I pray for your best friends life....

    ~Punitha
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Pls Help!!!

    in some of the threads here, I am actually surprised to read that there are marriages where people dont have sex for a year. I think its serious problem. When you say they haven't had sex in first year of marriage .. Its bigger problem.
    But she needs to tell you more granular, before anybody can make any sense out of it. They didnot have sex bcos of so and so reason.
    - Does her husband showed any interest in beginning in sex or now?
    - Did they ever tried having sex?
    - If yes, who rejected whom..
    - Does he even masturbate if he s not having sex?

    She needs to separate two issues here, one actual and one emotional.
    Actual is.. we may be dealing with some physical problem in the guy.
    Emotional is .. Parents and their grip on the guy.
    FIrst one is more real and physical, second one is just mental. And any mental issue can be handled with right attitude. For physical issue , one needs to handle the situation whole differently.
    Before even counselling and seeking doctor, she needs to do her homework.
     
    3 people like this.
  5. meghanshu

    meghanshu New IL'ite

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    Re: Pls Help!!!

    I agree with ria totally ,mental issues could be resolved but physical problems should be sorted out 1st. Infact we had similar problem in the family and the couple got divorced within 1 year as the guy had a problem.

    All the best to your friend.
     
  6. sakti

    sakti New IL'ite

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    Re: Pls Help!!!

    Meghanshu, Ria, Puni, Sanju,

    Thankyou all so much. I dont want my friend end up being divorced. But she is hurting a lot. She is scared to be alone with him. According to her the guy is not at all interested in sex. He just tries to avoid her. She is the one who intiated most of the times and ended up hurt. Thank you all for your wishes and prayers. Please PM me if you all know of any counselors that she can go to when she arrives in december.

    Thanks,
    Sakti.
     
    2 people like this.
  7. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Pls Help!!!

    Hi Sakti,
    I really don't understand why that guy is not interested in sex.
    Usually guys will never be like this, they will be forcing their wives so much for it. We need to think in different angles here. Is is having affair with others??

    ~Punitha
     
  8. Abha

    Abha Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Pls Help!!!

    Hey Punitha

    Men are such, that even if he would be having an affair with someone, he would still not spare his wife... cos its not that he is comminted to the other person...

    There might be a totally "different" angle to be thought of here... if the guy doesnt want to have sex at all... you know what i mean... these things do happen in real...

    ~Abha

     
  9. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    Is it necessary that if the husband does not have sex he is getting the pleasure from outside

    It may not be true also, I am facing the same situation but I dont think my husband is involved outside
     

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