Plight of a MIL

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Dear Gayathri
What I see is a false sense of entitlement with both ur DIL and son.
Some lessons are best learnt the hard way. Its time they move out. Its not going to be pretty but thats probably the only chance u have of salvaging this relationship ...not now ..perhaps years down the line.
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:idontgetit:. With four working adults at home and no kids, I really can't figure what is so difficult to run in the home! If the DIL interferes with the maids, there will be complaints that she is trying to change the ways of her household, if she doesn't she is being inconsiderate.. Its a no win situation..
Besides before the marriage the MIL don't have problem doing every thing, now she is upset even though there is a maid and cook and she doesn't have to pick after her DIL or anything..why?
If she really needed help she could have had a talk with her and told her what she expected.. I don't think the'chores' are an issue.. Its being blown up cos there are other issues..

 

@Gayathrim123:
Good to hear from you. Every mother wants to give what her children want and you did the same. In case you feel bad about your decision, please don't.

In your previous post, you mentioned that they are moving out in a few months.
I hope you have someone to help you out with everything during the process. Distance can rekindle and repair relationships, especially communication. In my view, there is still hope for establishing communication (within the time-frame of them moving out also) if both parties are willing to take a step forward. If not her, you please do so at least with your DS (just saying).

I am sure God is with you (and with your DS and DIL also), and things will turn out better. Wishing you lots of joy, peace and comfort.

 

@ sparkle- OP mentioned her husband and daughter besides son and DIL.

 

@sdiva20:

In her original post she 'mentioned' her daughter once. That's all. In her latest post this is what she said about her partner:

"or some of your views I would like to explain even though it only gives my side of story.my partner is most of the time passive and i don't want to get into that story at all .that is the reason it ismost of the time(I)instead of we. "

It looks like she is handling this alone.

And I posted this comment yesterday. She updated about her partner today. Please check the previous posts and today's posts also.

 

In our home, my husband does more than fair share of work. We never sat and discussed who should do what nor did I fight with him to get to that point.

I dont think my home is that unusual either. I have see many of my friends husbands also do a lot around the home too. Almost everyone has weekly cleaning serive too.

More over regardless of whatever equation a husband and wife has, any third person should not be interfering in a marriage no matter who it is.

In this case however, I feel sad for OP because it truly appears that the son and DIL is really abusive towards her and taking her kindness and generosity for granted.

 

@sparkle- Sorry I read all the responses now but I was referring to her original post.

 

@sdiva20:

I wanted to convey that its not clear if someone is taking a her side or supporting her in this decision or not. Now when I read it again, I think I should have mentioned it better. Thanks for pointing it out.

OP mentioned partner, daughter and son. Son is clearly not supporting her. She chose not to say anything about her daughter. Relationship with partner is passive. Just having someone to talk to looks like the main issue here. Hope it works out for her.

 

When two persons are having enough mind to get married, they should take enough responsibility in running the house. 2 Years is too long time. They have clearly taken the existing arrangement for granted. And it's not a roommate business but a family, they should inform others at home. It is not that the expectations weren't conveyed to them. They are a couple not children. This case is clear lack of respect and being inconsiderate to others.

 

Sdiva, even my husband does a lot of work at home...even now i am not working and sahm but still he does a lot of work..... most of the weekend i just become lazy and sleep or watch tv and he becomes the hard working man....but still prime responsibilty of home lies with me....now when i am housewife and even then when i was working....if he is busy and not able to find the time for home or kid...i take over for his task....if I am busy he takes over but if we both are busy then i have to find time for home and kid in any case...that is the difference i find almost everywhere where man helps....
and i feel i am lucky to have my husband....i dont find so many woman so lucky in case of sharing chores...so many woman i have seen ranting on IL as there husband doesnt help them in spite of they are working woman...
but everybody accept their husband and try to change them and try to find formula to make them working...but here argument is being used to shield the DIL laziness...and pointing out fault of MIL...
MIL belongs to older generation where mostly setup was kind of woman takes care of home and man does outside work....
so if we can grant some benefit to husbands on this mentality in spite of they belong to same generation and try to change the husband then why to attack another person becoz she is mil...

here many talking about absolote equaltiy in terms of work....if husband not working why shuld the DIL???

i dont think that absolute equality is needed....we dont have to do 1=1 in marriage....man and woman complement each other....and marriage is all about complementing...where my husband falls short i will take over and whenever i fall short my husband will complete me....instead of if my husband do x wrong i will do the same...
i believe tht changes cant come by changing inlaws or parents thinking as they are the old and to be gone generation...changes will come when we teach our sons to do housework equal as of our daughters....
and if as a DIL we are biased towards DIL's act whether right or wrong then chances are that on being MIL we will be biased towards MIL's act....