please save my marriage. Need help. urgent!

make his life miserable, seriously, make sure what he did is known to everyone back home and divorce him only on the grounds of his stupid affair and thus it gets officially recorded.

Make sure you get all facts abt his affair to iron clad ur case.

But don't live with him anymore. U are so much worth than this crap and pleas don't feel humiliated or embarrassed..

God bless.

 

there is more to this story than meets the eye...

why on earth would this guy be "eagre" to get his wife to Mexico, to show her places etc etc when he already has Clara...He would I am sure try to avoid his wife landing here so that he can carry on with Clara.. I mean this is not a normal behaviour..

As a complete outsider I am trying to look at both sides of the coin here...

for me the whole scenario could mean

1) The guy has serious personality disorder and needs help ... I have seen a movie on Bi polar disorder and this guy matches to the character in the movie to the tee..

2) Extrement sorry OP to say this...I may be wrong but this is for you to introspect in a more practical manner..

please read your own posts all over again and ask yourself if all you have written about his transformation is factual or based on your perception... you seem to be quite sensitive... the way you keep saying you love him to bits makes me think you are sinfully emotional about people around you.. you have painted your world more with your imagination rather than the hard core facts.

You say he "so badly" wanted you in Mexico.. are you sure he did not say those things under preassure ? are you sure you did not draw this out of him in return for some kind of favour (financial or otherwise) ?? have you been trying to buy his love ??

either ways the loss is yours... no one has a right to play with your life for three years and simply dump you..

The only next option for you is to somehow convince his people to get him the much needed help or be pragmatic about your life and move on..

I am sorry if I have hurt you... but as a complete outsider I am not too convinced about the events that have rolled out..

 

hi,
it is nice that you have a career of your own and that you are financially independent, so living single wont be an issue. this is the practical aspect of your situation.
remember one thing, he cannot ask for a divorce simply bcoz "he things you are not compatible" go through the sec.14 of the hindu marriage act. you will find grounds under which a spouse can file for a divorce...
Grounds for Divorce in India

1. Grounds for Divorce under the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955
The following are the grounds for divorce in India mentioned under the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.
Adultery – The act of indulging in any kind of sexual relationship including intercourse outside marriage is termed as adultery. Adultery is counted as a criminal offence and substantial proofs are required to establish it. An amendment to the law in 1976 states that one single act of adultery is enough for the petitioner to get a divorce.
Cruelty – A spouse can file a divorce case when he/she is subjected to any kind of mental and physical injury that causes danger to life, limb and health. The intangible acts of cruelty through mental torture are not judged upon one single act but series of incidents. Certain instances like the food being denied, continuous ill treatment and abuses to acquire dowry, perverse sexual act etc are included under cruelty.
Desertion – If one of the spouses voluntarily abandons his/her partner for at least a period of two years, the abandoned spouse can file a divorce case on the ground of desertion.
Conversion – Incase either of the two converts himself/herself into another religion, the other spouse may file a divorce case based on this ground.
Mental Disorder – Mental disorder can become a ground for filing a divorce if the spouse of the petitioner suffers from incurable mental disorder and insanity and therefore cannot be expected from the couple to stay together.
Leprosy – In case of a ‘virulent and incurable’ form of leprosy, a petition can be filed by the other spouse based on this ground.
Venereal Disease – If one of the spouses is suffering from a serious disease that is easily communicable, a divorce can be filed by the other spouse. The sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS are accounted to be venereal diseases.
Renunciation – A spouse is entitled to file for a divorce if the other renounces all worldly affairs by embracing a religious order.
Not Heard Alive – If a person is not seen or heard alive by those who are expected to be ‘naturally heard’ of the person for a continuous period of seven years, the person is presumed to be dead. The other spouse should need to file a divorce if he/she is interested in remarriage.
No Resumption of Co-habitation – It becomes a ground for divorce if the couple fails to resume their co-habitation after the court has passed a decree of separation.
The following are the grounds for divorce in India on which a petition can be filed only by the wife.
· If the husband has indulged in rape, bestiality and sodomy.
· If the marriage is solemnized before the Hindu Marriage Act and the husband has again married another woman in spite of the first wife being alive, the first wife can seek for a divorce.
· A girl is entitled to file for a divorce if she was married before the age of fifteen and renounces the marriage before she attains eighteen years of age.
· If there is no co-habitation for one year and the husband neglects the judgment of maintenance awarded to the wife by the court, the wife can contest for a divorce.

after reading this if his definition of NOT COMPATIBLE falls under any of the ground mentioned, then you will have to take him seriously, or else you can directly confront him on these grounds.....that is the legal, practical part.

what was it that he liked in you when you two fell in love...think about that, analyze that and give him some pleasant surprises which every couple gives each other when they fall in love.
do things which he enjoys.
ask him what would he like to have for dinner
ask him whether you can invite his friends in mexico (3 months is enough to make a few friends, especially when you are alone) for dinner, bcoz "they helped him in the initial 3 months"

AT ANY COST DONT LOSE HOPE...REMEMBER GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES....


best luck and god bless.

 

Maybe he "staged" the whole thing.Maybe he was with Clara the whole time.He planned to bring OP over to Mexico,treat her nicely & then pick up a fight with her and ask for divorce...so that he doesn't get blamed and get the name of "cheating spouse".That way he could have the cake and eat it too.Swt charu,I don't mean to offend you but when a woman is betrayed by a "unfaithful spouse" we should try understand her and offer her support instead of calling it all an "imagination".Even if some facts don't add up,we haven't been in her shoes so we shouldn't judge.Its highly unlikely that she would imagine so much things because she is "sinfully emotional".And she is not the "only loser".When a couple decides to separate both of them lose,the pain/guilt will be mutual.
OP gather all evidence and then move out.Before you leave I suggest you write a heart felt letter(alternatively send him an email too).Let all the tears flow right into the letter,convey how much you love him,all your joyful memories as a couple,how you met,how you decided to marry him,how much you have been there for him...and finally how hurt you feel right now.Don't talk,blame or get into arguments.If his love was real he will return to you,realise "Clara" or "any other woman" can never replace "You". Pls figure out how genuine he is and if you are ready to give him another chance.Otherwise try to heal,move on-there is more to life than waste time on people who are not worthy of your love.My prayers are with you.

 

ummm.. i do not see where the poster insulted the other member. There are some ludicrous posts and suggestions offered in several threads and I think they need to be pointed out without sugarcoating. See my response to ChadraV on pg 7.

--back to OP---

I had a feeling he was having an affair, this is why I asked if he found you attractive anymore. Your husband became serious with this Carla girl after you came abroad to Mexico. He is simply not happy with you for some reason, it could be his parents doing like someone else said.

Carla is just an 'excuse' once you leave, she will be out of the picture as well. If he couldn't get his family to be happy for him when he married you, outside his caste; what makes you think Carla will? She probably doesn't speak english that well either. He is too flaky with his decisions. You don't need this mess.

Just be glad you came to know of this, and you dont' have children together. Be rid of him. Leave, you are still young and ambitious. Make 2014 YOUR YEAR; NO MORE FEAR AND NO MORE TEARS!

Like they say, "its better to have loved and lost, then not to have loved at all". You did your best, its time to close this chapter in your life and start anew.

Thank him for showing you this side of the world, perhaps you can find solace in that and travel more in your life.

New adventure awaits.

 

That other member is me.

Rest of the above paragraph is not relevant to me.

 

Hi moumee,

For sure God has something best in the store for you. Please move on dont take him back in your life. You deserve better.There are many second time success stories here in this forum.

 

i may or may not be wrong. i feel that hez trying to hide something from u. i guess he loves u. r u sure hez having an affair? how did u come to know abt his affair?

"please kuch khaa lo, agar tumhari tabiyat kharab ho gayi to main lambi umar ka kya karunga, main to waise hi mar jaunga"

why do u think he said this? r u sure he said those last lines? its either hez having some condition or hez hiding something, probably abt his health.

i may sound filmy but the first thought which came to me after reading all ur post is, the guy deliberately wants u to go back n leave him right away so tht u wont suffer later when he leaves u coz of his health condition.

well whtever it is. uve already wasted ur time n life. so now, just give only some of ur time. if nothing happens then pls come out of it. u r a strong n independant girl. think it as a bad dream n try to come out of it. dont give any more minute upon this unbalanced relationship. hugs to u.