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Please help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ksrikala, Jul 1, 2010.

  1. ksrikala

    ksrikala New IL'ite

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    Hi all

    I have been married for 3+ years.I would say its so far just ok.I just live like its destined.My husband and I don't talk anything important like where we will be in future,plans nothing.I even don't know when we will have a kid.But I am not worried @ that so far.But all these years, I used to say we haven't planned.Nowadays since its more than 3 yrs, everyone asks and when I asked him @ that, he doesn't say a word.Atleast a yes or no.But when someone calls, he says all the time that he is not ready to be a father yet and that he has so many commitments this that.If someone calls for get-togethers even that he would not tell me in advance.Just 2-3 hrs before or that day morning.Ya I am a house wife who has no work but what is there in telling?Even crazier will be if someone plans for something, he wouldnt ask if I want to go.If he wants to,I am also in by default.All this he would be talking on the phone and I need to hear to know thatI am in.Sometimes I said no and haven't gone.But in front of others, he is Mr.cool jovial and all that and makes others think that he is so casual.ya he is cool,sex life is ok,hugs,kisses but even simple things if he cant discuss with me, I feel all this is a waste.I used to cry a lot but nowadays I started asking him why why.Now my recent problem is when I opened the dryer after laundry, I saw a condom sitting in the lint remover+ very minute portion of the cover(couldnt find the name).I was totally shocked(He used condoms during our 1st week since I was not taking any birth control pills)Strangely after sometime I was convinced that it must be from India.But if I think deeper, its more than 3+ yrs and I have washed those pants almost every week since then and used to check pockets everytime but this time I didn't.Thats where the whole confusion lies.Can this be from the previous person's who did drying that it stayed under the small gap below the lint remover?I told him that I saw a condom after drying but just he asked from where and he was normal.So I was convinced but from the next day, I am all thinking will that be from him really?Should I ask or shouldnt I?What will he feel if he hasnt done anything?will that be unncessarily breaking trust by asking such stuff bcoz I cant think that he would do that?So everyone please share your thoughts.
     
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  2. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    He will get the benefit of your doubt since you dont have any STRONG reason for your argument. You need to wait and see for the SECONDARY evidence to blame him ( Sorry, I am watching Judge Judy too much lately :) ).
    Dont waste your time about your recent finding, you do have the issue of BIG Communication GAP between you both, work on that first
    Good luck
     
  3. DevikaS

    DevikaS Senior IL'ite

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    as the saying goes.. an idle mind is a devils playground..

    You need to quit thinking all the non-sense and get something constructive to do .. you hubby is not cheating on u.. as for the communication problem.. sit down with him and tell him exactly what you have written in this post.. and YOU communicate to him your problem.. and I am sure he will understand..
     
  4. ksrikala

    ksrikala New IL'ite

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    Sree and Devika thank you for your replies.
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Have you ever cleaned out the lint remover before? If you checked and it wasn't there then, how else would it have gotten there?

    On a worry scale of 1-10, this is about a 5. I would let it go for now since your husband didn't fess up to anything, but keep alert for any other weird occurances.
     
  6. ksrikala

    ksrikala New IL'ite

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    Yes I cleaned the lint remover just before loading.That is what makes me more worried.I still cant take this as a simple thing.Is this not a serious thing?sometime or the other, keeps popping in my mind.Should I ask him again or shouldn't I?
     
  7. contented

    contented Senior IL'ite

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    If you have cleaned the lint before, then how did this condom and the peice of the cover get there?

    If I were you, I wouldnt take this so lightly.

    You dont have to keep doubting your husband every minute of the day, but just keep your eyes open for anything that looks suspicious and dont ignore any gut feeling that you have.
     

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