Please help.... Initiative needed.Donno what to do.

I don't think there is much you can do after a decade of training/feeding the abuser. Yes. He is one.

Does he understand that if either of you disappear suddenly, the other should be capable of living by herself/himself and take care of children? If such a time comes, you might at least be less burdened that you have access to all the accounts and aware of investments and know how to pay bills and taxes.

You don't want to start running from office to office figuring out the basics during times of misery. Is it what he wants his wife to go through? You please ask him this. For your own sake, please learn everything you need to live smooth life.

 

How about putting your foot down like Siddarth did in the movie??

But seriously, you have to open up your heart to make him understand how his overbearing behaviour is affecting you. May be he will not immediately collapse as Prakash Raj did in the movie ... But you can get this into his thick head gradually by frequent polite assertions.

 

Who make you dependent on him? Its your fault, no one else..!!

Next time he says "You don't know anything".. reply that "I accept that i don't know, but i would like to try and make faults and would learn in the way. So let me handle my matters myself"

 

If someone were to relive me of drudgery by keeping track of tiresome quotidian chores, I would gratefully surrender and retreat to library and theatre, museum, meadow and beach. If they were to constantly belittle me on the other hand, I would want to reassert control, just to shut 'em up, although I have no real interest in tracking the kWh on my electricity bill for the month. I understand where you are coming from.

I am not sure you can assert yourself without bruising your husband's ego a little bit. I say don't worry about about it. You can kiss the boo-boo and make it go away later.

Although I wouldn't discourage it entirely, it may be a bit daring to start with ''hey, guess what, I am going to use a bit of my cash to play the market - I'm thinkin' pork-belly futures!", so I suggest you start small. Pick your own movies, shows, restaurants. Say no to his unilateral choices once in a while. Learn not to panic if you choose poorly. Blow it off if he says "I told you we should have gone to that other movie ...!" Look into things that are uncharacteristic that are 'not you'. Shoot for simple experiments - the excuse is "it may turn out to be terrible, but I am curious, I want to go".

Next, carve out something that's yours, that he has no expertise in. Don't pick anything 'girly' though - French lessons yes, knitting class no. Create a space for yourself, one that he has no insight into. Choose something that's important enough for you to devote some energy into. I like language because it is multi-dimensional. You have the language itself, then the literature, music, art, culture, history - an entire world that can be yours, that will allow you to expand your horizon into a sphere that excludes him -"Sweetie, I am off to a movie, it's French, you won't understand & I know you hate subtitles" or "Henri Levy is giving a talk at the Alliance Francaise - man, what a pretty-boy he is - see ya!" or "Gerard Depardieu is a great actor, but he is just so over-exposed - I am tired of seeing him on-screen". Leave him to scratch his head about Gerard what'sisname.

I hope you see what I am getting at. Let your husband deal with the minutiae of life. It is a privilege to be relieved of them. Address his attitude toward you. The easiest, most effective, least bruising way to do this is to create a space where he has to knock before he is allowed to enter.

 

Just to clarify:
I don't think you should be entirely uninvolved in other matters such as finances, property, investments etc. You should educate yourself, even as he is in charge of the execution. Simply knowing what's what - even if not doing anything - will make you more of a participant. Moreover it is important for entirely obvious practical reasons.

Now would be a good time to initiate this. The New Year is almost here, it's time for re-evaluation, renewal and resolutions. Simply tell your husband that you don't want to remain 'ignorant', that you have made a New Year's resolution to inform yourself. Start by cataloging everything, accounts, institutions, outlay, contact people. Take stock of the state of the union. You will feel better just by knowing where everything is.

 

Well said,Soka!Thanks,this helps me as well!

 

Just try convincing him in a nice way saying that u are very loaded and I would like to take some of ur responsibilities to help u in someway(convey this wen he is in a good mood).........and just take initiative of doing small things for sometime and slowly he will understand u are also capable of managing things in a better way than he does....