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Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work......

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by neena35, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. neena35

    neena35 New IL'ite

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    I will first give an introduction of my situation here and please advise me.

    My husband and I went to same college and same university. We knew each other since college days. We had love marriage. Now, we both work in the same company as Chem.Engg. My husband is my boss at work.

    Last month there was an opening for a position in the company. I had all the required credentials for the post and so I applied. There was internal selection and my dh was in charge of it.
    Including him there were 2 others who were involved in the selection procedure.

    I was betting for that and to my shock I was not selected. A bigger shock came when a person below my position and totally different area of work got selected. I could not sit quiet as I felt that too much discrimination. I fixed an appt. with my boss's boss and talked to him. My boss's boss called for a meeting and demanded an explanation for it from my boss ie., dh for not selecting me and taking someone with lesser credentials and who has not even worked in that area earlier.

    To my horror, dh explained his boss and convinced him finally that I was not a better fit than the other person. For me, it seemed he gave all vague reasons and could get through with his boss. He started connecting all totally unrelated things like the other guy who got selected was awarded. I agree but I argued that it was not for this area of work and I was the one who knows the in and out of the current job. If award is all that matters then what about the yearly report of mine that says I have done outstanding work in this very field of work.
    Dh came up with stupid reasoning of his and his boss got finally convinced by him. I was very angry but controlled a lot.
    It looked like he was the one who over ruled other 2 in the selection team. Everyone in the office knows that the one who got selected is my dh's buddy since college times.
    I just did not want to work with this boss anymore so I requested for transfer to another department citing that as my interest but last week my boss (dh) turned it down saying he needs me in this department and so cannot shift me.

    Now, I am still thinking on what happened. I think I should take this to HR and file a complaint and fight for it. I know my boss's (dh) boss is also not fully convinced but seems to just let go this and leave it there since I am not fighting for it. I feel like talking to him once more on this. But again, trying to figure out how to go about since we already had a exhaustive meeting on this and I came out unsuccessful to get him to my side.

    Dh is a very shrewd guy and I need to be very careful in dealing with this issue. He is smart in talking and can convince and make others get to agree his point.
    Though we both got into job at the same time, he got ahead of me only due to his smart talking skills. He is not worth more than me at work. Sometimes, Believe me, I wish he was fired from his job.

    I asked couple of my friends for advise and each one says differently. One of them said I should fight for it while the other asks me to give up this thought or look for another job and resign this one.
    This one is a decent paying one with lot of perks and long term benefits. I simply do not want to quit this good job that I have.

    At home, we never talk about office. We never do that since we resolved that the moment we both landed at the same office.
    ILites, Please advise me. Also, though my husband is my boss and I want to set my boss straight but I don't want to hamper my family life too. Again, I don't want to tolerate his dirty play at work. He is blocking me everywhere at work. I am in a fix.
    Please don't ask me to leave the job as one of my friends suggested, since this is a really good one and I am in a good position. I aspire to go up in this company and my dream is to be my boss's boss......aha!!!

    Can I achieve this without causing rift in my family life? Has anyone gone through this and how did you deal with it?


    Neena
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
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  2. neena35

    neena35 New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    I forgot to tell we have kids aged 8 and 5yrs old. Both are going to school.
    At home dh helps me in any possible work and we share all the house work. It is only at work he is my enemy no.1.....:rant
    Due to the what happened with me at work recently and my dh more involved in this, I am not peaceful mentally these days.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    can you tell me what is the reason you applying for different posts within organisation.You don't want to work under your husband?
    May be your husband trying to protect by not sending to other groups.May be he would feel that he can manage your workload properly by not giving you too much work that way you can enjoy work and family.May be trying to protect you from over working.:)
     
  4. neena35

    neena35 New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Priya,
    That position will take me up one step higher though it does not place me equally with dh . Yes, definitely my workload will be more compared to the present but I was willing to take it and that is why I applied. My pay will also increase.

    Sometimes, I try to see the positive as you said but again sometimes I think after that my next level, if I get a chance,will be at par with dh and may be, am not sure, may be he does not want to see me there......

    I am not able to guess properly now what he is trying to do for me. We never really talk at home regd work and so I can never bring it up with him.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Typically when we have issues at work then we would discuss with spouse.I think for your situation it's better to discuss with your husband only.That way you both are open to each other.If you don't open up then you internally suffer and if you try to do something officially then his men ego may hurt and he may hurt the family in turn.
    So both of you go outside for lunch /dinner and open up each other and understand each other inside trama.
    Since you are able to manage both family and work ,I beleive it's all because of your husband support without it might be hard for you to acheive it.So don't spoil the relation by doing something.
    So open up with him polity and discuss pros and cons.
    All the best
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  6. Peperoncino

    Peperoncino New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    I think we can safely assume here that Neena does not need looking after, and that she is more than capable of setting her own workload level, and deciding for herself if she is overworked or not.

    Neena,

    I think the policy of you and your husband not discussing work issues at home is a sound one. Because once you start, there will be no end to it.

    I think the trick here is to view your husband as just another boss, and not as your husband. So, let's assume your current boss is not your husband; how will you manage the situation then. A couple of scenarios:

    (i) You can sit down with him and speak to him about your career path, as an ambitous employee would do with his/her boss i.e. where does he see you in say a year down the road vs where you see yourself. At the same time, have a word with HR also about your career progression, and see what they say.

    (ii) Some bosses do not want to see their capable employees go because they are the reason why the boss looks good in the first place. Let these employees go, and the reality will be something else.

    If nothing comes out of your discussion with either your boss or the HR, then you have a decision to make. Would you want to stay in an organisation that does not support the aspirations of its talented employees? Also, do you know for sure that there are no other opportunities for you outside the company, with the same perks and benefits? Have you spoken to a recruitment consultant who specialises in your industry? Have you thought of going into consultancy work yourself with one of the international consultancy companies?

    But for starters, why don't you speak to a recruitment consultant? Once you see there are other opportunities, then that could give you the motivation to be more assertive in making changes that help you reach your career and professional potential.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  7. GiJoe

    GiJoe Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    LOL, you made me laugh, you are the one who knows your DH well, here is my opinion on this your DH is being unreasonable, he might have valid reason for not selecting you for the new position but he should definitely let you get transferred to a new department, try to get a common friend who can communicate equally well as your DH and get your point across.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. neena35

    neena35 New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    If my current boss is not my husband then my first step would be to approach HR on this.
    I am hesitating to take that step because he is my husband which is my bad luck.

    Thanks Pepper for the suggestions. I will think over those.
     
  9. neena35

    neena35 New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....


    Yes, I don't get that why he is stopping me from going to different dept.
    Actually, I have talked to the team there though not officially and they seem fine. What is my boss's problem?? I don't get it!
    He can weave anything good enough for others to fall for it and he went ahead and convinced the other team as to my requirement here.
    I feel I am being blocked everywhere by him. I have not taken any steps just because of my family. I fear that may affect my family life with him.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  10. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Wow !! What sort of a company lets your spouse be your boss.

    Kavya.
     

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