Planning To Divorce And Pregnant.. Please Advice Me.

You are a strong woman and lucky to have supportive parents.
I personally feel your decision is right.No need to abort the baby but consider the child as a blessing and your strength.

He is the loser here losing out on a wonderful family.

If he had truly changed,no problem giving him a chance which you did but he did it again.He might do it again.

It might be tough initially but you will be fine.

God bless you dear

 

OP, we can all advise but eventually it's your life and so should be your decision. I would say, follow your heart. It can't and won't mislead you in any situation. Only you know exactly the situation as you are there.

Personally speaking, as you involved PIL's this time and you say it's that important for them I feel he will not repeat again. If you did this the last time maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation now but that's fine. We all know how it is when we want to make all our dreams come true and just can't put a stop to all of them by ourselves. We would do the same as you did. Totally understandable.

If I were you I would give him yet another last chance, for the sake of the kids, PIL's and myself but with a strict warning including PIL's and parents too that once more will be the end of it all, no questions asked. All the Best!

 

For some more time dont go back , let him feel your anger and absence. After that u might probably consider giving a second chance. Single motherhood with two kids ia tough. Consider counselling as well.

 

As someone who gave a chance to a cheating ex once (by myself) only to find out nothing has cheated but he was still cheating on me with prostitutes and multiple women .... am going to say .. no one will change unless they want to.
I would say take some time and then decide what you want to do. You dont need to decide anything right now. Since your parents are supporting you maybe take a break , stay with them and decide. Its your life and only you can decide what you want to happen for yourself !

PILs can say they will take responsibility for their son , but worst case if if happens again, what will happen ? Will they support you or their son( their blood). In my case my ex FIL himself knew that he was cheating on me during the marriage and what did he do,... hide it from me. After I told his folks that he was cheating on me, I have heard everything from "We will keep him with us all the time so he wont have chance to do this" to " You pls try to change him " to "HE is a guy and thats how they will be, nothing wrong in it, you have to adjust with all that and live with him" .

So why should I put my happiness in the hands of such people. I decide my happiness. I would say the same for you ...whatever you decide (stay with husband or leave) ..... you decide your happiness. A happy mother = happy kids!

 

Objectively, if i were thinking, during these times you need to juggle too many things such as living by yourself, searching for a job, going through divorce proceedings, caring for your first kid , may be some other dependants like your parents , etc etc. Plus bringing a new child into your life is really going to be stressful for the kid and you.

So, the question is "Can you manage all the above? "

The answer lies in many factors such as your financial independence, Maturity to handle, Family support etc. You need to be very practical and not let by emotions , to decide on the answer.

If the answer is 'Yes', you must be blessed with lots of support such as family, career etc.

If the answer is 'No', you would not want your new born to go through the stressful times. So, Please decide accordingly.

 

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. I think your husband truly regrets his actions. But cheating is his nature. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to trust him again.

If he is a good father, stay in the same city. Have joint custody of kids, demand child support. With a young child and another one on the way get all the support you can from your parents, financial support from him but don't go back to being his wife unless you are ok with the cheating. Keep proof of all the cheating and contact a lawyer.

 

Hello OP,

I am sorry that you are going through such challenges. I don't think you need to rethink this divorce. I think you have already lost trust in your marriage, and you know there is no going back about that. With the pregnancy, it is fear that is making you question whether you can weather this life change.

I can understand the guilt you feel about aborting the pregnancy, and this is really coming down to your choice. But keep in mind that a child will not save your marriage, because you already have one and your husband is still a cheater. Having this child will put a lot of strain on you, and your parents and your child. Separating parents is a big change to the family dynamic, but so is adding another member. In normal circumstances, elder children struggle to find balance after the birth of a sibling. Your child will definitely lose attention amidst all this, so please keep that in your mind.

Now, you can't live with this cheater, you already know this. But if you REALLY wanted to stay and have a child, maybe you can recreate your marriage, into a co-parenting partnership. This would require rewriting the rules in your marriage BUT it might appease the most people. Socially and financially, you will still have a marriage - but you will have to discuss on the inner working to make things sustainable day to day.

Or, you can continue with your original plan, which is also not an easy path, but you have the support system and the will, so you will persevere.

I'm not really giving you an answer, but whatever you do, do not make a decision out of fear. You will regret it. Instead weigh out your options, and what makes sense to the important people in your life (including you). Be selfish (in a sense), it's ok- you must prioritize your own wellbeing, to be a good parent to your child. Do not return to the marriage, if you feel like it will emotionally crush you - there is no sense in that.

 

@BhumiBabe is right. this is one of the reasons i believe, marriage is all about trust. once broken , it can never be the same. it will be physically hard to raise kids but raising kids in disfunctional environment is even more hard .

rest is your choice. since we cannot dictate others life.

 

My suggestion not to proceed with divorce. but don't keep him in your heart..but keep near to his kids.. Completely ignore his presence in your life and start living your own. May be on a latter stage he may come back to your life.