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Planning for a baby

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by passenger, Feb 24, 2011.

  1. passenger

    passenger New IL'ite

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    hi.. I have been a silent reader of the blogs and posts in Indus ladies. And a lot of theses posts are very useful. I am in a dilemma and hope that all my friends here would help me out with some good advice. I have been married for 3 yrs now and 27yrs old. Now me and my DH feel we should start thinking about planning for a baby. But some times i feel that we are ourselves like kids...my hubby is 5 yrs older than me but we always fight n argue about the smallest and the most stupidest to the most serious things on earth...n I also feel that we both r very lazy..we hate to get up early and always make plans to do this n that but end up lazing around...so i am really sacred that we wont be good parents. Also I have some financial concerns as well my hubby makes a decent living...we are not like fully settled financially..i mean how much is enough...like how do you say that ur r financially ready to have a bay...its not that my hubby makes huge amount... he gets a average salary in which we live comfortably and save as much as we can..but that is because we don't have any liability now...but if we plan to buy house n stuff like that then we need to bring more income into the household...so what do u ladies think...should we be planning for a baby now or wait for some more time...having stated all the negatives...i still keep thinking how wonderful it wud be to have a little one calling me mommy..also my hubby also loves children n is very good with kids..so i am really confused...pls advice..

    thanks..
     
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  2. anuram09

    anuram09 IL Hall of Fame

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    Please set your goals with a timeline with respect to whatever you have stated above. We can earn money at any point of life but babies cannot wait for a long time considering a lady's age and health condition. I completely understand your financial situation and your mindset. But please define the financial settlement you are expecting in terms of amount(money) and reasonable timeline. If you achieve it is well and good, but if you dont please dont keep on thinking about it and go ahead with family plans.

    Whatever I said above, is my own experience. I was also thinking the same way when I got married. After seeing one of my friend and my own SIL struggling to conceive for many years, I decided like this. Even when we were not trying, I was on treatment for PCOS(I got to know when I went for health checkup to my gyno,so without wasting time we started the treatment). The goals I had set dint happen, but I am the most happiest woman now(my ticker will tell you:)).

    FYI I got married when I was 26 and now I am 28.I have just written my opinion.
    All the best :thumbsup
     
  3. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Passenger, First of all, let me start off with congratulating you for taking the right step, i.e, deciding to plan for a baby taking into consideration everything. Its a good start.

    I don't know what your financial position is and hence I cant really comment on that. I will tel you how we started planning and perhaps you might find it useful. Since both of us (hubby and I) work, we wanted to make sure that after I go for maternity leave (which is for 10 months), we should still be able to maintain the same life style with 1 pay check (along with the unemployment insurance which the state provides us). This means, we would be cutting into our savings. So, bring the savings up to such an extent that we hardly make any life style changes (like shopping or eating out) in my 10 months of mat-leave.
    As for the insurance, our govt covers almost everything here. But I think in States you have a different health care plan. It would be good to consult a professional before you conceive and get a good rate. It is recommended that you have at least 4 months of savings (liquid cash) for emergency purpose (sudden deaths, unemployment etc). Also make sure to get a good life insurance for both of you (you and your husband).

    I also suggest you get a family doctor (incase you dont have one already) and meet a gynecologist. This will tell you if you have any fertility problems or you are good to wait until things settle down financially.

    Good luck.
     
  4. meerajesh59

    meerajesh59 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Passenger,
    This is the right time to plan for a baby. Economical problem will be with us throughout our life. Discuss with your DH and decide can you manage child expenses and if not, try to make yourself ready for that in short span.
    You can see lot of us are in TTC. If the age goes chances will become least and you should not feel at that time. Having a child will motivate you to earn more.
    Coming to maturity, Childish behaviours doesn't mean that we are not mature. My dad will play with me even now like a child. He is 68.
    We will make decisions maturely when comes the situation. So dont worry.

    All the best for your TTC.
     
  5. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Passenger,
    Reading your post i felt as if i was reading mine. Even both of us were very lazy and like to get up late on the weekends. On week days too i used to get up at 8:30 am. Plus my husband was student then and i was only one working so we did have our share of financial probs and we used to fight sometimes like crazy.
    But still we decided to go ahead with baby...and once my prince was born everything changed. My husband's ways didnt change much though. But now i get up by 5:30 am get my son's diaper bag ready for day care. Then feed him and leave for work by 7 so that i can be back home soon as i hve to pick him up. Initially when my son was born my husband was still student so it was little tough and i had to join back work after 2 months of leave. But my mom was here to help so it worked out for us. I had my son by 28 yrs. We infact fought maybe twice after he was born as i never had any time for all such silly things. My husband got job when my son was 6 months and now we are very happy. My son is such a delight. He is going to be 1 this sunday. I never regreted my decision and I love my son a lot :)
    So I would say to you stop worrying and start planning. Good luck :thumbsup
     
  6. gayabala06

    gayabala06 Senior IL'ite

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    hi friend,

    my opinion is also the same as other friends have suggested. this is the right time to start planning for a baby. by gods grace, its good u get conceived asap..laziness will get vanished when required (as we experience now :)) and all other commitments will go on its right path...so dont worry. everything will be on its track for a happy life..all d best for u couples...:thumbsup
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    It is ok to be lazy when you are single or married with no kids. So just because you are like that 'now' doesn't mean you will be like that as parents. As long as you both are willing to adapt to change and willing to accept the new inconveniences you will have in your life (like waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to spontaneously go out with friends, etc), you both will handle the transition well. About finances, do a budget and figure out how much baby expenses will cost you. Factor in the time you will have to spend off of work, and think whether you will be staying home to care for your baby, or whether you will be paying for child care. Then look at your family income and decide how comfortable you are with the increased expenses. Money might be tight for a while, but with a budget and living sensibly, you could probably make it work. Just make sure having a baby won't cause you to miss rent payments, default on loans, or end up homeless.
     
  8. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Passenger,

    I know am not going to say anything different from what others said before.. But, let me put it accross in my style :crazy

    You were in school once, but did you forever be in school ? You strived and did good to get into college. Did you behave like you were in school even then ? No, I guess. How come ? You are the same, your thoughts were still kid like , then what happened ? Just with maturity it changed isnt ? Who taught you maturity ? No one. Your mom didnt feed you that at home, nor did your proff. at college lecture you on it for 1 hour everyday. It just happens. Then, you worked hard and moved on to get yourself a degree or so that could fetch you a job..New responsibilities, new roles ! Everything happened.. You must've been a darling at home, mommy does what you wish to eat, dad affords what you wanted to wear, you had everything to be happy, then why did you get married ?? :)

    Simply because, that is the norm of life. Parents do not come forever with us. They are many years older to us and will leave someday. So, we need someone, a companion who will grow old with us, taunt us, tease us, love us, hate us and fight with us. In toto, LIVE NORMAL life with us.

    After a point, we need more to it. Any job gets monotonous isnt ? We feel, bored. But, the minute we get some new project, we get all rejuvinated .. Babies are that projects !

    Parenting adds more spice to a Married Life. It can be hot or whatever. But, the spice remains and gets differently nice. :) New role. You will learn your responsibilty. School days are fun, just like initial days of marriage. But no one would want to still remain in school isnt ? :crazy So, eventually taking up a new responsibilty just makes us more challenging.

    Your hubby and you will be on your toes once you have a baby. You can afford to be lazy even then, really. But, you will do the chores required with ease. Instead of washing just 10 plates, you also, wash a baby bottle. Instead, of just getting ready yourselves, you will have another person to put in the car seat too.

    A baby is never an additional responsibilty. It is only a new one.

    WHatever, make sure, you are ready financially and physically to have one. Buying a house still can happen if you want to. A baby will defintely not cost 400K ! :) Plan your insurance well. Tweak your routine just for the first few months, and give yourself and the lil one sometime. You will be amazed with the way things still continue to be normal.

    Fights and arguments are a part of Married Life, a few of them will not affect parenting, infact, both of you will learn to tolerate each other more with a kiddo around. He/ she will be throwing enough tantrums, that you will outgrow it from your side ! :bonk

    Take care and Best Luck !
     
  9. cinderella06

    cinderella06 Platinum IL'ite

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    HI passenger..its very simple..if you think you can manage everything finance,your silly fights..etc..after baby's arrival then its right time to start a family..:)..
    If you think we cant manage the family with the salary meeting the labour expenses,baby needs,future plans then you can postpone the baby plan..dont take the argument and fights as a big issue as for as they are for silly reasons as they are common in all family..your lifestyle will change after babys arrival so dont bother about your laziness..if both of you are happy to invite a little one into your world..then you are ready for the family..as you can manage all other things..only the interest and confident to start a family is important..
    Calculate the expenses you have to meet for baby...for inviting your parents/inlaws..all other things realting to baby..if you think we can manage evrything for a baby then you are ready..before that both of you have a open talk about everything..
     
  10. priyanishi

    priyanishi New IL'ite

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    Dear Friend,
    This is the right time to have baby. Having baby will make you more responsible and committed. When you keep delaying cos of financial issues, then there is no right tiem for it. Have the baby , then you will plan accordingly. You will change.

    Priya
     

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