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PIL differentiating between children

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by saathi, Jul 3, 2010.

  1. saathi

    saathi New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    My MIL and FIL behave very differently with their two sons. They expect the elder one i.e. my DH to support them financially; however they don't have much expectations from the younger one. I wonder if this is just limited to my in-laws or does anyone else has this issue.

    Just for the records, both their sons are financially stable. So, why such a difference?
     
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Saathi

    Not every Parent expect or treat their sons like this i.e differentiation or having more expectations from one son specifically.

    But mostly this behaviour stems from how the sons respond to the demands or such differentitation. I have no BILs but I have seen my friends where the elder son is always expected to take care of the parents even though the younger son is earning and living with the parents. Some parents have more financial demands from elder one than the younger son. Such demands or expectations dont cease until the son takes a step back and analyzes the whole situation.

    Taking care of parents is everyones responsibility. Doesnt matter elder/younger son, or daughter. But what matters is sometimes the financial demands, expectations are high on a specific person and that happens only when the parent knows that they can get away with it. i.e if your inlaws ask your husband for some money your husband may not ask for a reason or justification on why they need money, he might just transfer it or make it available. But if the same parent asks your BIL he might ask the justifications, reasons and might start lecturing on why theyhave to control expenses etc..etc..so in general to which son anyone would go to???

    Also my thoughts on why some sons let the demands go beyond their limits is because they need that acceptance and recognition from parents which they wont get until they satisfy their parents. Might be the son wanted love and affection and some kind words from parents which they never got, might be the son always felt he was treated less fairly than the other siblings, so the son keeps trying to do better and better in satisfying hte demands of the parents to get that love and affection which he always wanted. Some might get it temporarily as long as they fulfill the parents wishes and some never get it so they keep on trying n trying until they are tired and frustrated.

    So instead of we looking at the parent inlaws demands and behaviour, might be it would be nice to look at why your husband accepts to such demands and behaviour of inlaws. Why your husband feels letting his brother off the hook and responsibility is better and why he wants to take the whole responsibility on himself?? is it for the image of being a BIG brother or ELDEST son taking care of the family? or is it because your husband still thinks his younger brother is a kid?.and doesnt know how to handle responsibilities so the younger one be better off without any responsibility to take care of??just analyze what is his thought on all this
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2010
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i dont think anyone can explain better than vidya did
    even at our home dh is elder one who bears all the expenses and my bil wont but their parents say since bil is kid he was very cautious about money and itseems he was saying his parents he prefers to live individually once he gets married so they have zero expectations on him ..i guess it all depends on kids behavior.. but i agree parents are all the kids responsibility but if one escapes we cant do the same
     
  4. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Saathi,

    I guess Srividya explained it very clearly. Generally MILs ask the son who is more easy going with money. In my house, my DH is younger but financial expectations were always more from him than my BIL who is the eldest son. My MIL has some other expectations from elder son, he does them also like taking care of her health etc., but regarding finances he is more practical than my DH. The reason given , they have kids and they need to take care of them etc etc while my DH was a bachelor and before our daughter was born. So I guess basically depends on the person, and I agree with you that elder sons seem to feel more responsible than younger sons. My BIL is very responsible in all other matters but my MIL finds my husband a more soft touch than him for her extravangances.
     
  5. ais_1982

    ais_1982 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    There is discrimination in our house....My DH is the eldest, and right from booking ticket, and getting medicines etc, only he has to do....My BIL is the most selfish and mean-minded one....Even if my in-laws ask him something he will not do it...So ultimately my in-laws dont ask him or tell him anything and always fall back on DH...So he cannot refuse them bcoz he will feel guilty as a son...

    But nowadays he has started getting frustrated as they just interrupt him from his work, or dont try to understand his mental tension, and just want their work done...and has been trying to get my in-laws understand that he is not the only one responsible...
     

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