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Pictures hanging in your inlaws house ...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rosegirl, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    My inlaws and parents always talk about how after a girl is married, she becomes becomes a member of the husband's family and ceases to be member in her mom's house.

    But when I go to inlaws house, the whole house has pictures of SIL and her family hanging in the hall, showcase, bedroom etc(Guess all advice is only for DIL). But our picture is somewhere in the corner.

    Its very trivial but I am a little pissed off ... does anyone else feel that. I feel I have no importance at inlaws house. But MIL always brags to others that I am not a DIL but a daughter but in practise, I have no importance ...

    Share ur exp. ..
     
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  2. deepshikha

    deepshikha Senior IL'ite

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    Ummm... does it even matter?

    Are there any other issues between you and your MIL other than this display of SIL's pictures? Do they force you to hang their and SIL's pictures in your house too(I am assuming you live separately in US). If no, then there is no need to be upset about this.

    Your SIL is their daughter who has grown up in that house and if she got married before you and hubby then that was probably the first marriage in their family and hence they feel good to display SIL's pictures at home. Unless you were living in the same house with them and they wanted you to hang SIL's pics instead of your and hubby's you shouldn't even bother.
    You can hang your and hubby's pictures in your house. Get some nice collages made of you and hubby and put it in a nice frame in your house on a good wall.

    Why waste your energies over something so trivial. If their are other issues and your MIL is hurting you in other ways, then let us know, we might be able to help.
     
  3. Anuradha00

    Anuradha00 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    This sounds like a complaint that my brother and his wife have. My wedding was the first in our family so my parents had plastered all of my wedding photos around their house. When my brother got married they put up his wedding pictures too but not as many as mine. They said it was because there was less space and they did not (due to sentimental reasons) want to remove my photos to make more room. With the grand kids, even though they are the same age, I used to send home lots of photos of my son while my brother never bothered to send pictures of my niece even though my parents repeatedly asked for them. My son's pictures are not on the walls (due to lack of space) but were placed on end tables, inside glass almirahs etc.

    When my brother and SIL went to India and saw my son's pictures they gave my parents some of their daughter's photos which my parents displayed proudly. Like my son's pictures, my niece's photos are also inside almirahs and cupboards but my brother told my parents to remove some of my wedding photos to make space for his daughter's pictures on the wall. My parents didn't want to do this (even though I told them to do this) and my brother and SIL accused them of being partial towards me and my son.

    One more thing is that in my house we have family photos of both my husband and myself. I also have photos of my BIL's family etc. But in my brother's house, there are no photos of my parents or of me or my family, only pictures of his in-laws (parents-in-law, sister-in-law etc). My parents are aware of this but to them it is not a big deal. But during the quarrel about my photos outnumbering their photos in my parents' house my mother asked why this did not apply to their house and brother got mad.

    My point is that things like who has whose pictures on the wall, who has more photos displayed etc do not matter. I know my cousin's MIL has purposely removed some of her own daughter's photos from the wall and replaced it with her son's and DIL's but the VIP in their house is not my cousin or her husband but the daughter whose pictures were removed to make room for my cousin's. So just because your SIL's photos are everywhere while yours are not doesn't mean that your SIL is the alpha female in the house. You may be as important as she is so don't make an issue of this.
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    My problem is, it does not stop with pictures. When they give huge donations, they do it in SIL's name (not dh or ds's name), when any major property is bought or sold they include SIL, not me. Any festival or ritual, she gets all the importance, its practically me, dh and ds are in an island.

    Its like, I have to be like a daughter to them but never ask for any rights. SIL is the daughter gone to another family but still has all the rights.
     
  5. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    My Dear Rose..
    There are many things which are more worth for the human life in this world to SPEND your time, just ignore the world which never values you and think about the world which values you more.

    No matter what ever is the final result (back to me), always do the things with your full heart(no matter at home or at work). Never care about the result when you do with your heart's suggestion. (Is is sounding like Krishna's words to Arjun in Bhagavadgeetha?)

    So, just ignore those pictures and donations etc.. keep answering yourself, not to the others. :) relax and shower your fragrance (since you are a rose) of love and affection to this world :)
     
  6. Anuradha00

    Anuradha00 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Rosegirl,

    Indeed it is hurtful when everything is done in your sister-in-law's name. Your husband is also their son so their attitude is not fair. But best to ignore their activities. Living well is the best revenge. This is my personal mantra since I am also involved in a problematic relationship with my own sibling.
     
  7. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i know how it feels
    but a daughter is daughter and dil is dil
    when a girl child is born most of parents assume ghar ki lakshmi to be born and home
    i guess hanging their pics in rooms should not be bothering so much
    afterall i hope they dint put in your bedroom right
    just ignore this lil things dear and have less expectations from in laws
    they never treat us equally forgive and forget
     
  8. vmtaurus

    vmtaurus Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Rosegirl
    There are soo.. many pics of my wedding in my in-laws place..but I do not feel part of the family till today, in fact they have really done very very little to make me feel part of them... I don't think hanging pics. will do it.
    It would probably remind them a little bit more of what you are not! :D
    Thanks
    V
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Rose. .whenever I visit ILs place I see equal # of snaps for each pair & kids... and I really appreciate them doing it.. even if its for our visit...

    Am sure once we leave my MIL will fold and keep the frame inside that has our photo.. reason being she misses her son v badly & gets v senti the moment she sees any of his belongings & am sure she wud like to break the frame the moment she sees me standing beside her son :crazy!!!!

    More she sees me on her walls around more she'll curse me.. infact now my DH doesn't even send them a single snap that has even my hand in it... they prefer to see only kids/DH and only those snaps that are from DH's or their camera. Earlier my DH used to click a lot of me.. now he tells me to get aside while clicking.. I have to explicitly give him my camera & request him to pull out my snap with kids or ask one of the servants or place it on auto click.
    So presence on their wall is immaterial .. ...
     

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