Personality Changes

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by shravs3, Nov 11, 2022.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello,
    It’s been a while since I posted here and I’m back with another topic!

    Once upon a time I was a very cheerful person, naive and very polite to others.
    But since past few years especially after my marriage I feel I have changed completely..

    I somehow can’t tolerate even a slightest bit of injustice towards me.
    I loose my temper easily. And keep on thinking about the things others did/said to me.
    I’m no more a person I once was.
    If I feel a person is trying to look down on me or question my abilities I become very defensive!

    And to add fuel to the fire thanks to social media where we see all the good things happening to others.
    But forgetting that it’s just one side of their life.

    I’m easily getting jealous, annoyed for what I don’t have.

    All these things are really affecting me not just the social media but even face to face interactions.
    I’m really worried that these things might unknowingly affect even my baby.

    How do I change myself to the old and happy me?? How do I stop turning into a bitter person and become a better person?
     
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  2. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    ohh my friend ! I feel you.
    Losing temper for me is the worst. When that happens, I feel **** at our own behavior. Its like you lost temper on such useless person. Was the person worth my outburst?

    I still cant stop social media completely. but I dont follow any of my friends/relatives. SO thats a little good. Even though I dont eat fancy, I watch lot of food pages/channels. ANd lot of travel.
    One thing that surprisingly realized was, I need to keep writing/cleaning/hands moving to really focus. For eg, I took up sewing and just sewn my first kurta. That keeps me occupied. Reading/watching is difficult now a days. It gets me distracted easily. I want to try those designs on plastic canvas.
    Some pranayamam. And of course, I ensure I pray every day. These help me keep a little calm and peaceful.

    Hope atleast some of them help you too.
     
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  3. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    Shrav, marriage brings many changes in us because that is new world for us. We have to deal with diffrent new persons' attitude and try to adjust with them for the sake of being happiness to all.

    I think you must build up more patience and thick skin for not to react so easily with other's behaviour towards you. Sometimes there is nothing wrong in defensive but control your tone and use right words.

    Regarding jealousy, This is common nature of all of us as we are humans. have only one suggestion for that is never compare yourself with other's life. Feel very happy for what you have blessed and try your best to achieve what you want. Always from social media if it is affecting your peace then stop think of what others have.

    Control your thoughts with meditation and try to occupy your mind with positive things. Distract your mind with your hobbies and use your free time to.improve your inner skills.

    Shrav, enjoy with your little baby as much as possible for you. Look at your baby's beautiful innocence smile, you will forget all bad things. We must learn how to be happy from little babies. All the best and you will be fine, Shrav. Don't think much and learn to be happy for others.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2022
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  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Firstly you are already a better person because you are able to identify what is amiss.

    Secondly,please accept your feelings and be kind to yourself. It’s ok to have negative feelings.

    Being happy for others and feeling miserable for one’s own situation doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. You can be very happy for someone else and yet be very aware of your own troubles.

    The only thing that makes a difference is when you can shake off your melancholy and move on. When you cannot, that’s where all these distraction, meditation, exercise, positive journaling and other strategies help. If you were always able to move on from these thoughts in the past, then think back to see what you did back then when you were able to focus on the positives. There are things that we do that help us move on from thoughts that hold us back. Sometimes we have to consciously figure out what it is that helped us in similar situations and use that strategy. For me, it has always been getting some human connection.

    Lastly, have you also gone to the doctor and gotten a complete health check done. Sometimes changes in mood are signs of things like thyroid dysfunction or vitamin deficiency etc that can be addressed by your doctor.
     
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @shravs3,

    Your emotions of getting hurt by the words or acts of others is reasonable but how you respond to it is entirely in your hands. In my view, when we express our emotions in the form of anger, we are exposing ourselves that we are deeply hurt giving others a view of our emotions and opportunity to explore that option in future, if they like to hurt us. We can choose what to receive and hence someone is abusive or hurtful, we can decide to ignore if they are totally unconnected to us. If they are close, then, it is hard to ignore it and hence we need to handle how we respond to it. Reaction inside of us is where we spend most time and hence if we restrict that reaction time by moving to another thought, it might do a lot of good for you. The anger and emotion reactions do more harm to us than others.

    It is not wrong to have self-respect and it is actually needed so that we can demonstrate respect to others repeating how we treat ourselves. The tone in which we express our displeasure can change and we should demand others to be outside of the healthy boundaries we set and obviously it is imperative for us to express our views when people cross that boundaries. Sometimes, not talking communicates more to others than the words expressed by us.

    Marriage does bring change in our behavior and in my case, it brought a lot of tolerance and understanding more than forcing my views. A good spouse will come back if one doesn't react to harsh words or actions. The offending spouse will regret and apologize mostly. If they don't, then, we need to communicate our displeasure and why the offending spouse crossing the boundaries is not good in a cordial atmosphere. When there is a heated exchange, the communication is ineffective but when both are in a cordial setting, all words exchanged are well received and etched in the memories.

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2022
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You are growing and growing older. Change is part of that. Rule out marriage as a reason or cause of the change. Without marriage, there would still be changes in personality.

    Becoming more aware of one's worth, quicker to recognize injustice, and less patience for bs from others is part of growing. Pair that experience and awareness with a better handling of the angry feelings, and we see positive personality growth. Viswa's post has straightforward methods to aim for developing and maintaining in oneself.

    Yes, you are not. You are now that person plus the experiences life has given you since then.
    Becoming more aware of others looking down on you or questioning your abilities outside an interview setting is good. Slowly change your reaction from defensive to more productive.

    I tried telling myself that all that is one side of their life. It didn't help. What worked for me was joining them. Once in a while I post a social media update. Due to the rarity it stands out. I also curate it from life's moments to be unique. I will take a simple thing like my son cooked something and add witty comments to the update. Or about my husband helping daughter to change car engine oil. He looking a little irritated, she resigned, a carefully messy look in hair and clothes. If I am feeling pathetic enough, I take a short three-five second video clip. The likes and comments keep me satisfied for the next few months.

    All of us feel that, and all times in life. We only get better and better at dealing with those feelings.

    You are aware of these changes in you and how those things are impacting you. And you want to be a better person. That's a really good start. Just get a little more organized and deliberate about that niggling dissatisfaction with yourself. Identify 3-4 things to try, and aim to be fairly regular at those. Simple things like regular reading, exercise, reduced social media, me-time done consistently help a lot.
     
  7. NOW

    NOW Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with everyone and especially the added responsibilities and less time to focus on ourselves exasperate the situation. Like Rihana said, if social media is bothering you participate selectively and set boundaries. I personally dont post at all on facebook, insta etc.. I set my whatsapp status once in a while and near & dear take notice and send me compliments. I am very selective with whom I share my personal stuff.

    Taking care of kids, work , home and sometimes comparing with others or judging ourselves and then justifying..make us little impatient and inconsiderate to others. You do you and make peace with it. Motherhood also brings lot of changes especially for women and it takes 3-4 years to grow out of that busy phase !
     
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  8. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    These two lines summarize my entire existence. The most honest truth of my life !
    Thank you for writing this. You articulated a messy, confused, unruly, maze of my thoughts into two simple lines.
     
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  9. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    We all are 'work in progress' and change is part of our life journey. We should embrace it. No other choice as we cant escape.

    I am happy that you have realized the issues within you. One needs lot of courage to admit it. This self realisation is the first step. Accepting it is the next step. Then ask what else can be done. You are here to find it out and you got great replies already.

    I feel your new responsibilties & new roles are the cause of this exhausted state. Ask yourself why you need to get angry? Is it due to multi tasking or lack of rest/sleep etc. If we are tired its possible to loose patience and get angry. If you need support as a new mom, ask for it. Also, make sure you are taking prenatal if you are still feeding your baby. If not, do a health check and make sure your blood work is ok and no other issues are there like thyroid. You need to make sure your vitamin levels are good especially ABCD, especially D. The deficiencies alone can cause irtitability . Next, is to schedule your life and find time to love yourself. You need to relax and do light excercise/ meditation, pamber yourself or something different than routine jobs. Most important is to find 'me time' every day to recharge yourself. Self care is very important. Its very stressful to handle so much as a new mom. I neglected me and was unware of its impact leading to health issues.

    If this is not the case ask yourself what else is creating irritation. Is it due to new persons in your life after marriage or something else. Here you need to learn define your boundary and how to be assertive. Never give control of your life or freedom to anyone else. Standing up for yourself is very important. Self respect, esteem, dignity and confidence are basic pillars of our life. Sacrifcing it will lead to more problems and resentment. But, our power lies in our ability to be calm and assertive as we only can control our responses and behavior. Getting angry is easy, but it will remove the focus from the problem. So, others will notice only our anger and not the point we like to convey. I wish I learned the art of articulation and control earlier. We need to be smarter than just an emotional person. You need to cool down and be the better judge of your behavior. If you loose your control walk away or postpone response. That way you can get rid of lot of head ache. Talk only when you can do that in a composed tone. Remeber ' serenity prayer'. Try to fill your life with postive persons and keep all the toxic ones at a distance. Its a long way to gain better control on our emotions which eventually lead to emotional maturity.

    To become a happy person, its important not to compare our life with others. I agree that its natural to do so, but indulging in it is a recipe for disaster. Every one have a certain path to follow. Be happy for others and try or work hard to improve your situation. In social media people project the best most often it fake and we never realise the struggles they have. Every one have their own share of problems. If you are a social media person , wait till you have good content to post. That may increase the impact. Its upto the person to decide what to share. Eg:I dont like posting my private in public forum. If its bothering you, take a break from it.

    Happy mommy only can make her baby happy. So, focus now on your health, peace and happiness. Cherish each moment with your baby and enjoy your new role as mom. Time flies so fast. So, take control of your life.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2022
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  10. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear shrav,

    I remember one of my school teacher telling that Comparison is the biggest evil and if we ever do it, we should compare only with ourselves, with our yesterday, so that we become a better person today.

    I am not on any social handles like fb, insta and i dont buy any branded stuff, but trust me life is simple and good.

    All you need now is some door doordarshan cartoons, to rejuvenate yourself, those good old nostalgic and beautiful days.

    I guess somewhere between growing up and letting go off our childhood, most of us lost our innocence and simplicity, but trust me it is these things which brings a lot of happiness.

    Spend a lot of time with your baby, we all are different, unique and best moms in our own ways.

    Most of them have given wonderful suggestions, alongwith this i would like to add, listen to some soothing and calm music or OM chanting.

    Big hugs to you
    Love
    Nandu
     

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