Pay In A Different Coin

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Thyagarajan, Oct 22, 2020.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello: GAGS OF Mr VENKAT :hello:

    Venkat went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C
    After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
    You know why?
    Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'_


    Venkat standing below a tube light with open mouth.
    Why?
    Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'

    On romantic date Venkat girl friend asks him:
    'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
    He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'

    Venkat found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
    What will come first, chicken or egg?
    What ever u order first will come first.

    Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
    All were busy writing except Venkat
    He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'

    What does Venkat do after taking a Xerox?
    _He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

    Venkat & wife buy coffee in a shop.
    Venkat: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
    Wife: Why?
    Venkat: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.

    What happens when Venkat wife delivers twins?
    He does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child.
    Manager asked Venkat at an interview.
    Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?_
    Venkat replyed:
    P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

    After returning back from a foreign trip, Venkat asked his wife,
    Do I look like a foreigner?
    Wife: No! Why?
    Venkat: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

    Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
    Venkat writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

    Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
    Venkat: its simple. I will stop my imagination!

    Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
    Venkat: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!

    Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
    _Venkat : "All are born on government holidays...!

    Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
    Venkat : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
     
    RatnaMalliswari likes this.
  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    Before Marriage conversation:
    upload_2021-7-18_23-44-52.jpeg

    Naturally you would now brood about conversation After Marriage.
    Just read the contents of the above image in reverse.
     
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
  4. RatnaMalliswari

    RatnaMalliswari Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    433
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello sir
    Nice joke.Right way conveying is one issue and other side person understanding it is another issue.:sweatsmile::tearsofjoy::grinning:.
    Regards
    Ratna
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello: She is Only Fun I mean English :hello:

    1. If Poison expires; is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

    2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

    3. Do Twins ever realize that one of them is "Unplanned"?

    4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

    5. Maybe Oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

    6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

    7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"

    8. 100 years ago everyone owned a Horse and only the rich had Cars. Today everyone has Cars and only the rich own Horses.

    9. If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
    Six Great Confusions
    Which are still unresolved

    1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?
    2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
    3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge,
    but not in refrigerator?
    4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
    Wonder why the word "Funeral" starts with FUN?
    Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?
    How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?
    If Money doesn't grow on Trees, how come Banks have Branches?
    If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
    How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
    Why are goods sent by Ship* called CARGO, and those sent by Truck SHIPMENT?

    Why do we put cups in the "Dishwasher" and the dishes in the "Cupboard"?

    Why do Doctors "Practice" Medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
    Why is it called "Rush Hour" when traffic moves at its slowest then?
    How come Noses run and Feet smell?
    Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

    What are you vacating when you go on a "Vacation"?

    Can we ever find the answer?


    If you have the *Spirit* of understanding everything in a positive manner - You’ll enjoy every moment in LIFE, whether it’s PRESSURE or PLEASURE
    So just Enjoy the PUN and FUN of the English Language
     
    RatnaMalliswari likes this.
  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello: Seats of Class :hello:

    A Domestic flight is on its way to Chandigarh, when a passenger Harpreet Kaur in the Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

    The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She tells Harpreet Kaur that since she paid for economy class, she will have to sit at the back which is economy class.
    Harpreet Kaur replies, “I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here”
    The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a Sardarni sitting in first class, who belongs in economy and is obstinately not moving back to her actual seat.
    The co-pilot goes to Harpreet Kaur and tries to explain that since she only paid for economy she will have to return to her actual seat.
    Harpreet Kaur replies again, “I’m a Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here.”
    The co-pilot returns and complains to the pilot
    The pilot says, “She is a sardarni? I’m a Sardar married to a sardarni. I will speak in language she understands.”

    He goes back to Harpreet Kaur and whispers something in her ear, upon which Harpreet Kaur says, “Oh, I’m sorry”, gets up and goes back to her seat in economy class.

    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask the Pilot what was it that he said to make her move without any further fuss.
    The Sardar Pilot replies - “ I told her, First Class is Not Going to Chandigarh”
     
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello: Doctor in Dire Straits :hello:

    Due to industrial recession, despite his best efforts a raw engineer could not get employment for over two years. He decided to make some quick money. He decided do a doctor role and therefore opened a clinic at his facade.
    He kept a large white board kept near the entrance of the building in which it was written in red paint in bold letters
    Whatever may be the ailment or disease or sickness - Please note it will be cured for a fee of just ₹500 only. If not cured after treatment, I shall pay the patient ₹1000”.

    This drew attention of another unemployed young poor doctor X who for want of wherewithal could not have his own clinic. He decided to extract ₹1000 from the above fake doctor.

    X the real doctor - ambled into the clinic and complained “Doctor - I am unable to feel the taste of any food and drink. I think my tongue got a quote of fungus that blocked taste buds. I wish it is repaired by you”.

    No sooner the fake doctor heard this complaint, from his revolving chair the engineer-turned-doctor ordered loudly, “Nurse, put three drops of medicine from bottle number 8 into this man’s mouth”.

    The moment these drops administered orally, the liquid spread in his mouth, X shouted, “Ayyo! Doctor - it is cow’s urine”.

    “Very good, now your taste buds activity 100% restored. It is working superb. Now you pay me my fees ₹500”.

    The real doctor X realised that there is no escape from making the payment. He reluctantly handed a ₹500 note to the fake Doctor.

    But X decided not to give up his aim of collecting ₹500 from the fake doctor. Few days went by. He made another trip to that clinic.
    He complained to fake doctor , “Doctor - since last three days I am getting increasingly absentminded
    ; I forget things and suffer from memory loss I suppose. I want you set right that”.

    As soon as fake doctor heard X’s complaint, he ordered softly, “Nurse from bottle number eight, put three drops into this man’s mouth”.
    “Oh My God, Doctor that is cow’s urine” hollered the real doctor.
    "Fantastic. Your Memory has been set right. It is working fine . Now hand me my fees ₹500.

    Cursing his stars, the real doctor handed him reluctantly a ₹500 note.

    Few days gone by. Having lost money twice, the real doctor X now more determined to get back his moneys and visited the engineer-turned-doctor.

    X - The real doctor in dragging voice said, ”Doc, my vision is impaired. I wish it is set right and my correct vision is restored”.
    The engineer doctor responded instantly, “Sorry Sir! I have no medicine for this. Here I return - take double the fee ₹1000”.


    “Ah! This is only a 500 rupee note” cried aloud the real doctor”.

    " Very Good ! Your vision is 100% restored. Your sight too has been set right now. Now Hand me my fees ₹500”.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2021
  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello: DOCTOR NAILED IT FOR EFFECT :hello:

    A doctor harassed by patients about aftereffects & side effects of tabs prescribed by him, put on a notice board at reception of the clinic as below:

    upload_2021-8-6_10-25-6.jpeg
     
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello: Plumbing into Maths :hello:

    Professor of Mathematics a Mr T had a problem in washroom with it’s choked sink. He did call the plumber and got it fixed up. It was done in a jiffy. T was delighted with such a fast job until the plumber wrote the bill and tore it along perforation from his bill-book.

    “Oh My God Almighty! Why do you charge so much? It is my one days’s salary.” But anyhow, reluctantly T paid the bill.

    The plumber in response said, “If that is the case,I must tell you to join our company. We are recruiting raw men for training. You can triple or quadruple your salary. But make sure that you tell company that you studied upto seventh standard. The company doesn’t like much educated persons”.

    Mr T joined the company and in few days turned full fledged plumber. He turned ecstatic with his salary trebled and job not as hard as his teaching maths. But alas the company had now announced that plumbers must get at least eighth standard(grade) education. So T had to attend night school.

    First day, first period maths-class commenced. The teacher desirous of gauging level of understanding maths by the class asks Mr T, “what is the formula for area of a circle? Come here & write it on the board.”

    An agile T stood up walks briskly to the board and when about to write the formula, he remembered he had forgotten it the day he became full time plumber. He decided and attempted to derive it. He got it as negative pi times radius squared.

    He wondered how it could be negative and so he re-did the derivation. Again he got It wrong as before. He stared at the board for a while and turned to the class of plumbers.
    They all whispered to him,

    “Reverse the limits of integral”.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2021
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,902
    Likes Received:
    8,333
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    The Black board
    In school
    on which
    it is written in Tamil:

    The day a Darling Spouse realises
    that her DH is
    incorrigible
    & the day in which DH realises
    that it is well-nigh impossible to
    Triumph over arguments of spouse
    Yet continue to live
    life together
    that is
    the Day
    They both turn into

    HAPPY

    Couple in a Nest

    upload_2021-8-8_11-20-25.jpeg
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2021

Share This Page