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Parents Support while having problems.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Vaanii, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. Vaanii

    Vaanii Silver IL'ite

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    Which is right?

    My friend having continuous problems with her husband bcoz he always picking side of his sisters and parents though they hurt her.

    Once she took help of her parents to support her,from then that guy stopped talking to her family.She is really having pressure about this.

    Is it wrong to do that?They didnt have a quarell,all her aprents said is she is sensitive ,plz take care of her as we are far away from her.
     
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  2. griget

    griget Bronze IL'ite

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    I don't have answer for your question, but i always have same question in mind.

    Do we need to update our parents what is going in our home and inlaws?

    May be parents may give suggestions how to act if there are issues?

    May be their Interference cause more issues?

    is it good or bad

    sorry for not giving you the answer but asking questions.
    if it is wrong to post please delete my post.
     
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  3. Stressfull

    Stressfull Silver IL'ite

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    Is this problem is urs anyways nothing wrong in what ur parents said but may be ur hus ego was hurt that they r advising him I read ur previous threads looking like he is having lot of ego problem u don't worry he is sending money stuffs to India if he says u is the last priority i think u r working u can buy the same wht u want don't argue for anything with him let him do what he want do with the money ignore these things completely sure he will understand ur worth these things will happen every household we need to be diplomatic me too had no.of fights regarding these issues but i never brought my parents into the picture but i think from past 8months i completely stopped arguments about money being send to India im at peace now he is also happy with the house environment my dh also egoistic but apart from that he is very caring he balances both sides equally but regarding money matters only we use to fight but i realised its not worth try to find out what is his problem if he doesnt want to talk tour parents its good for them
    But my personal suggestion never involve our parents for money matters and fights regarding this until there is some severe problems
     
  4. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    Freaking double standards of Indian society!!! If all they asked is to be considerate of her feelings since she is sensitive, what is so bad that he has to stop talking to her family? If that has been his family who were sensitive and needed patience to be dealt with, he would have been all over her and her family about it to the point of threatening about the end of the relationship.
     
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  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    No wrong... they just opposed what the guy and his family wanted to do.... hence is his reaction .. much expected.

    Sensitivity is pretty subjective & sadly applies to both the parties.... a highly dominant and blabbering person can choose to be highly sensitive about what others tell him/ her and care a damn about what they do to others. It can also be called low tolerance.

    Parents should generally stay away from preaching Son in Law as we expect the same for DILs (tho never happens).
    Each party listens to only 1 side of story and hence the set of parents will generally side their child.. Marriage is about adults and its better that husband and wife discuss with each other what they like and what they don't instead of being told by the parents or PILs...

    I've seen preachings from PIL being taken in a positive note only for those folks who have only 1 set of parent and the other set has left for heavenly abode... else both set of parents should be on same wavelength and preaching the same.
     
  6. OliveOyl

    OliveOyl Gold IL'ite

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    For me everytime it has backfired when I discussed something with my parents. Sometimes I feel they fully dont even understand the situation before giving me advise. Usually a small matter blows up and goes into some other direction altogether. So I think it is best not to discuss.
     
  7. sarah1987

    sarah1987 Junior IL'ite

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    i believe whatever the issue could be... parents are always right... they wont harm their children... never....
     
  8. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Most of the times it is not advisable to involve parents in marital arguments. But one party does it all the time, and other party is supposed to fight the battle alone on all fronts, I don't think it is fair to that other party. And many times it does happen that one of them involve the parents when it is too late and usual complaint of the parents is that 'so much happened and you are telling us now'.

    I've, from my own experience, started to believe that as long as it is between you and your spouse, don't involve parents. The moment PILs start interfering too much in your matters and you think you cannot handle them yourself, turn to your parents for advise or intervention. (Although it was my MIL who pulled my parents in to the fray, not me. It is the only good thing she has ever done for me. :) )
     
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  9. Ishhh

    Ishhh New IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong in involving parents if you cannot handle the situation alone. But it is better not to involve both parents in marital arguments as it will create rift between families.
     
  10. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    If possible, it is better to handle it ourselves, instead of dragging parents into it.. but given that the In laws are the ones creating trouble and the husband is being The Jerk, Dil by default take the problem to her parents because then she has the support of Her elders.

    So there is nothing wrong.PArents can give perspective and suggest tips to handle the situation... but the mistake your friend's parents did here is talk to The Jerk directly. They should simply suggest ways to their daughter to handle the situation and prepare her for possible reactions and how to handle those. Make the daughter smart enough to handle the situation rather than deal with it for her. Kinda like teaching the man to fish rather than feed him

    Direct handling by parents becomes imperative only in extreme cases.
     

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