Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Shreesundaram, Sep 23, 2007.
This is the article of "CHILD DISCIPLNE PARENTING TIPS"
Very useful and good document for newly promoted mothers!!!
They were really good tips to be followed by all parents i feel.i have seen kids who r treated harsh at home behave the same kind with their friends and as u know kids always try to imitate what they see .
i have noticed my kid behaving the same way for the rest of the day coming home after playing with one of her friends and the next day she forgets.
but as they play together almost daily i am worried of her ,she is acting in the same way.
Is there any solution pls???
Glad to see the informative useful tips & thanks for sharing with us.
Some more to add from my desk, with your permissions..
PARENTING TIPS FROM A SON
Parenting from a child's perspective can be a real eye-opener, discovers the following,
The other night, as I slept, the thought that all first-time parents are at best experimenting with the fine art of parenting—without any guaranteed results—stayed with me.
In my dreams, my first-born son, Ram played with me. Behind my apparent joy and a genuine smile he sensed a deep uncertainty.
"What are you thinking, Papa?" he asked and stopped playing.
"Just the fact that I'll never really know if the way I'm bringing you up is the right way or not," I smiled, amazed at how he had read my thoughts.
"Don't worry, Papa. You'll do fine. I promise."
"How can you promise that I'll do fine?"
"Because we all do, in the end. Don't we?" His eyes had a mischievous, knowing look.
"But what do I do now?" I asked.
"Just follow your instincts. Oh, and do the best you can do, with whatever you have," he smiled.
Words of wisdom from the mouths of kids have always amazed me. And I was completely awed now.
"It's that simple, is it?"
"Yes, just as simple as we want it to be. But to help you along the way in handling me well and proper, let me give you a few pointers. Okay?"
"I'm listening," I said, enthralled.
And so began my first lesson in parenting—imparted by my own kid!
"Dad," he began…
• First of all, don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask you for. Most of the times, I'm only testing you.
• Don't let me form bad habits in my childhood, no matter how much I rebel. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
• Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I actually prefer it because it makes me feel secure about you.
• Don't correct me in front of others if you can help it. I'll take it much easier and give it a lot more attention if you talk with me quietly, and in private.
• Please don't make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave and act stupidly 'big'.
• Don't take too much notice of my minor ailments. Sometimes they help to get me the attention I so much need.
• Don't put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
• Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my balance, and my sense of values.
• Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
• Don't tell me that my fears are silly. For me, they are terribly real, and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
• Don't nag. If you do, I'll have to protect myself by seeming deaf.
• Don't be too upset when I say 'I hate you'. Sometimes, in fact most times, it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.
• Don't protect me too much from the consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
• Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel amazingly close to you.
• Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It will give me too great a shock when I discover, as I will, that you are neither.
• Don't forget that I can't thrive without lots of love and understanding.
This is one thing you must never forget, even if you forget all else."
Looking into my eyes with a mischievous smile,
ram said, "How's that for starters, Papa?"
"Unbelievable!" I replied. "But you mean there's more?"
"There's always more. But you will figure it out as you go along.
So don't worry about it too much. Okay, Dad?"
When words of wisdom with so much depth come your way from such an unexpected and innocent source, what does one do? Or say?
"Yeah, sure," I nodded in agreement, as I reached out to hug him.
Hai Shree and Hello ssubbu sir
Read ur tips for parenting, let me tell about my position, I DONT KNOW WHETHER IAM WRONG OR MY SON, pls clear all my doubts and guide me
My son is 8 yrs old and doing his 3rd std,academically tooooo good,got very good name in school,well behaved in school,very attentive, got high grasping power etc etc I just LIKE TO TALK ABOUT DISCIPLINE,BEHAVIOUR,MANNERS etc
we used to say "AINDIL VILAYADADHU AIMBATHIL VILAYUMA"
so certain things, i want him to learn from the childhood like Basic manners,cleaniness,PunctualityDiscipline etc and i also teached him to do this and that and also tell him DO'S AND DONT'S
1.I want him to brush his teeth twice and goggle after eating anything(each and every time) - HE WILL BRUSH PROPERLY ONLY ONETIME AND DONT GOGGLE
2.wash his hands before and after eating anything,ofcourse everytime - OFCOURSE, HE WILL WASH B4 EATING ANYTHING EVERYTIME BUT NOT AFTER EATING
3.Keep the things, in their respective places after using(atleast his pencil box,books,his toys etc) - ONLY AT TIMES
4.put the used the clothes in laundry bag for washing(not to drop it whereever he change his clothes or outside bathroom door) - BUT HE WILL NEVEREVER DO THIS,DAILY,WE WILL HAVE BIG ARGUMENT FOR THIS
5.Want to adjust with whatever the food available ( atleast at the time of my sickness or some genuine reasons) - BUT HE WONT ADJUST HE WILL FIGHT SHOUT CRY )
6.Want to eat rich diet (veg,fruits,spinach,nuts etc ) - BUT HE DOESNOT LIKE ANYTHING JUS WANT TO HAVE FRIED APPALAMS AS SIDEDISH (ofcourse, i wont allow him to do, but my mom will do that imm'ly)
7.I agree i dont have PATIENCE,IAM SHORT TEMPERED,SPEAK AT LOUD VOICE ONLY, but still try to be polite for sometime but he wont listen jus ignore my words or talk back to me and wont respect me , MY TENSION WILLRAISE TO PEAK AND I WILL HIT HIM NICELY TO THE CORE AND SHOUT AT HIM VERY BADLY AND OUT OF CONTROL I USED TO SHOUT AT HIM "GO SOMEWHERE,
D ONT WANT TO SEE U, DONT COME INFRONT OF ME, AND ALSO " SETHU OZHI" ETC (really feeling bad about my behaviour , but i dont y get angry like this)
8.If v take him out for shopping , he asks for everything, he is not satisified with one or two and behaves very bad infront of others, make us feel embrassed
9.If he likes something he want to eat that without limit and does this in other places also ( like if we go to hotel or relative/friends place he will do that , like eating 5 puris etc)
DAILY IAM TEACHING HIM ALL THESE - DAY BY DAY HE IS BECOMING WORST
Now, tell me IS THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG IN MY EXPECTATIONS, WHO WILL TEACH CHILD IF MOM DOESNOT DO(IF I FAILs TO TEACH HIM, HE WILL GET WORDS FROM OUTSIDERS) THEY WONT TEACH BUT TEASE AND LAUGH
MY MOM USED TO SAY IN TAMIL ' PETHAVA AZHA AZHA SOLLUVA MATHAVA SIRIKA SIRIKA SOLLUVA" -- TELL ME AM I RIGHT OR NOT
Not only to me, even to my sisters and parents he will behave very bad , dont respect them,shout at them,talk back at them, my mom used to say everything to him politely, he wont listen to that also, SO ADAMENT ,WILD,TOUGH GUY
BUT IF HE WANT ANYTHING HE WILL GO AND ASK THEM BUT AFTER GETTING THAT ONCEAGAIN HE WILL BEHAVE BAD
But relatives,school teachers and outsiders used to say HE IS SUCH A NICE AFFECTIONATE AND LUVING KID
i HAVE TOLD HIM POLITELY - BUT NO RESULT (SO I BECOME VERY WILD,TOUGH MOTHER NOW)
HE IS NOT 4 OR 5YRS TO WAIT SOMEMORE TIME FOR HIM TO UNDERSTAND ALL THIS , he is already 8yrs old
Listen, he is my only child, I LUV HIM TO THE CORE AND HE IS EVERYTHING FOR US,i dont want to complain about him simply thatoo infront of thousands of people,but really i want him to come out in flying colours,so iam expecting something from him - HOPE U GET ME
pls all of u do reply and pls sahre about ur kids also
Hi LathaMurali...I read your post thorougly. And this is what I think. I am 31 and I have a 2 year old. I behave sometime like carzy (Yelling at my daughter, spanking her 1 or 2..I am exactly like my dad.) But I feel so guilty afterwards. I can relate to you a lil bit. BUT...
We should not loose our prime goal while teaching everything to our kids. Our only goal as a parent is to raise happy, kind children who trust themselves and who enjoy peace of mind.
Read the below article and see..if any points help.
Raising Happy Kids
Successful parenting means taking the time to understand what our children need to be fulfilled, confident, and happy. Of course, that’s no small task.
Here are 14 guiding principles:
1. First and foremost, recognize the true gravity of your task. Parenting successful, emotionally happy children involves a great deal of important, mindful work – and huge, sweeping swaths of time. The first step is to accept that fact- and to embrace the role of parent as one of the most important roles anyone has ever taken on.
2. Have a ball. Just because our task is immensely important…that doesn’t mean it can’t also be great, great fun. Life with a family is a magnificent adventure- not simply a hassle filled with laundry and dishes. Remind yourself of this as often as necessary. And when the daily work of parenting starts to feel like drudgery, it’s time to devote a day (or, at the very least, an afternoon) for intense family fun. Get some tickets to a ballgame and relax.
3. Spend a lot of time with your children. When you do so, children recognize that they are worth lavishing with time, praise, and attention.
4. Exhibit healthy, successful habits your self. If you want your kids to be healthy, fit, kind and compassionate, you‘ll need to live that way, too. Treat your mind, body, and soul with the utmost respect. Model caring, kindness, and compassion by working together (as a family) on a volunteer project a few hours a month.
5. Listen well. Strive to be honest, open, and attentive with your spouse and kids. When your children are speaking, get down on their level, ask questions, and really listen to their point of view. True listening does wonders for your children’s self esteem, and it helps them to grow into good listeners themselves. Minimize social contact with adults who are continually “shushing” the children.
6. Show your children that you are genuinely interested in them. Make sure to let them know – through your words and behavior – that you care about what they like to do, even if that’s altogether different from what the rest of the family enjoys. Get involved in activities that interest your child. Whatever it is, learn the lingo and sit down to learn from your child.
7. Try not to criticize, but work with your child on mistakes in a respectful way. Never criticize in front of other adults or children, including siblings. Work to understand their unique point of view. Taking the time to do so sends a message that you accept and trust their decisions and that their opinions are valuable and important.
8. Don’t label your kids – even when those labels sound harmless. Try not to tell your children that they are shy or overly dramatic or too sensitive. Respect the person whom they are and the adult they are becoming, while respecting all the stages they will grow through to get there.
9. Choose your battles very carefully, and allow natural consequences to teach the lessons themselves whenever possible.
10. Be accepting of your children’s friends. Encourage your children to invite their friends over.
11. Be enthusiastic. Make sure your face lights up when your children come near you.
12. Share family stories, whether through a family journal, a scrapbook, or by simply telling one another over and over again about the memories that you treasure.
13. Read aloud at all ages and stages. Cuddle up under a blanket in the evenings to read silently, each with a different book. Ask your kids to make up stories and tell them aloud – or create illustrated books to share.
14. Treasure all the generations. Revere the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Show your children that family is something they can count on for their entire lives.
All this can be distilled into one simple rule: Never let the big picture fade from view. In other words, make sure you have identified your true goal as a parent and live from that frame of mind. For example: My only goal as a parent is to raise happy, kind children who trust themselves and who enjoy peace of mind.
If, this week, they decide to eat Top Ramen every night for dinner and sometimes forget to put their shoes in the closet, so be it.
Enjoy the joyful journey of this tremendous task of parenting.
Thank u yaar.........i know i have to change first........iam so rude to him.........i used to criticize him and hit him nicely........iam really sorry and guilty for that.....but i cant control my anger.......
I will try my level best.......to change my attitude
Sorry for the delayed reply. I was not well for the past one month because of season. Now i am alright.
It is very easy for us to control anger, because we love them very much.
Best of luck for your effort,