Parental favoritism

vini31 · Dec 15, 2014

OP, some parents do compare .. it seems a very very ancient school of thought that lingers with them that when you compare the child does better ... it is crap .. one of my neighbour who is abt 35yrs once compared her son telling him the neighbor's girl was smarter, the boy response was amazing he said," I am like the king of the jungle always unique" believe me the lady had no words ...

But in your case your parents are wrong but can u change them ... well you cant so stay calm, but mind you dont expect them to change later or accept that one fine morning they would say despite we telling so much to our elder daughter she was still quite ... it may not happen you would only get hurt so do your duty without any expectations

sanarthi · Jan 27, 2016

Thanks Vini31. I am expecting such a day.

myya · Feb 16, 2016

Dear Sanarthi, God will never let you down in your life as your love for your parents is pure and genuine. A day will come where they realize it.

sangeethakripa · Feb 16, 2016

sanarthi said: ↑

I really feel very depressed. In all these 33 yrs cannot my father and mother see a single positive thing in me and apreciate it. When why father told that he feels ashamed of raising me since i told that his second daughter is his favorite, i felt or even to say had a silent question " when did you feel high because of me to make you feel ashamed".

I really did not do anything intentionally. I might not have excelled in studies or extra curricular activities... but that i wonder the level of "Excellence" they expect only will make me their favorite child. i dont want to be a favorite child. let my sister enjoy it. But i wanted my father and mom to understand that i am hurt and i love them and i am not hallucinating that my sister is their favorite.
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Dear sanarthi

Hugs to you.. Dont fret. They are expressing their resentment on you because of their expectation they had on you. When you can't reverse dont think about it. Let bygones be bygones. Hearing harsh words from parents are one of the worst thing. Distance yourself from them. Stop your expectation from them.
Give them some space to understand both the kids. Try talking to them only if you can communicate your pain else it might also lead to comparison.
You put up your positive strength and do your best to your family . Action speaks more. There will be a time where your parents will understand your love for them. Cheer up.

sanarthi · Feb 17, 2016

Thanks SangeethaKripa. Yes. i do my part correctly. i care for them well.

At times situations have come when they itself feel uncomfortable by comparing and talking low about me infront of relatives ( even now); But my dad will try to argue to console himself that he is correct . he will tell that "does not a parent has a right to just tell that one child does everything well".

He wont understand it. He thinks that he is a person who dont falter in anything. Some kind of boundless love my parents has on my sister. Even if she falter and if that dont affect them, then it is not a matter for them. what ever she does is correct - until it wont affect them.

Not only me, even others feel it. If my sister talks in a manner which she should not talk in any place to me, my dad will just see and leave off. he wont even correct her. this is a ultimate example of favoritism. Only God can serve these people ( ie my parents) and he has done many times. This favoritism has back fired to them many times. Those are times, when they have to be silent when her action created pains.

So that is life. If you hurt someone, you will be hurted. It happens to them through her. I dont know whom i hurted and why i am receiving from my parents :-(

So i just left it. But i am sure, my daughter is not compared. I stop it or raise my voice aganist it incase it happens. This makes some glitch. but i feel that protecting my 2.5 yrs DD from these types of comparison, which will reduce her confidence is my responsibility.

So now a days, i feel that they dont like me rising voice for my daughter. At times they stop comparison for my daughter or if they talk also i stop it. I cannot let it to continue to my daughter, though it is not intentional.

svpriya · Feb 22, 2016

Hi friends,
I am getting hurt because of my parents. Since from my childhood they never allowed me to share my wishes,desires etc. Both r working and they always used to make rules on me and my younger brother. We bared all those things ,sacrificed many things for them. Because of that I became a reserved person. Even they won't allow to mingle with our relatives. Now I am 30 yrs old and married and since I am struggling to
mingle with other people. After marriage too they are treating me as a child. For eg.they are not discussing anything with me. If they are buying a house means they are just telling we bought a house you and your husband come and see it. Like that they are doing many. Usually I won't hurt people by words. Even if I get angry , I will express it in a decent manner. Am I losing my self-respect?? Please suggest me ideas to handle my parents.