Our ancestors

Hi Lakshmi,

I wont accept your statement that they didnot fight or they didnot have any misunderstandings. They did had. I will tell you all those about my grand mother. She even at the age of 70 keeps musing over her past and what had happened in her life. She got married at the age of 13. My great grandfather was a landlord (though not a zamindar). She got married to the son of a school principal who is the first graduate of that family. They had an age difference of 10 years. And because of that and also because of the fact that they were in joint family she was unable to show her feelings and she kept is supressed and suppressed. Luckily she is sane till now.

Coming to your point of why we fight, this is my mother's view. The difference between the maturity age of men and women is close to 6 years. Let us take the girl is 21 years and the boy is 26 years, the mental maturity level is just the same. But when this difference is reduced there rises the problem. In general youngsters accept what the elders say, and when the age difference reduces again...

That is only my mother's view, and not mine.

They have also fought, they have also had misunderstandings, but they had to keep quiet for they were in joint families. Now that the nuclear families are at large both men and women are free to express their feelings and show out their emotions, they fight and shout at each other.

 

dear lakshmi,
they were agreeable to each other is because of the introduction at a very young age, where the elders kept telling this is your husband even before they could be married and then when they married they had to wait for the girl to attain puberty, and untill then she stayed with her mother, once that is achieved with great pomp they used to send her, that is may be by the 15 or so, as they achieved puberty late in those days, and the fight part is always there, any where, like how rajmi says, a lot of backing from the parents and in laws came forward to make them understand and there too it was usually woman who were made to understand, because they did not want the man to be tamed in anyway..

then came a time when men themselves had only duaghters and no son, they started educating them in a big way, the woman excelled well, now where the man is the hunter and woman a home maker takes a change to both becoming hunters and no home maker the result is divorce because each know how to hunt and home make on their own, they come together because they cannot beget untill they are together it is now become a matter of convenience, man and woman want children but not the partners..so any fight is easy to achieve their goal..over a period woman have also lost the patience to put up, that is why we have a change in society and where they dont change we know the result....sunkan

 

Hi lakshmi,

Both rajmi and sunkan have already put most of the valid points.

Today we are expressing all our feelings straight. those days to talk to your husband was a big difficulty...

Today we all have big egos..whether it is man/woman..because of our financial independence,education and all and we dont learn to leave it out of marriage most of the time.

The ambition, goals we have today are much much bigger than what your grandmom/even mom must have had....

Add to it the health,the stress...everything adds to it....

It does not mean that there were no fights in thier days..they would have fought in a small scale..but even as it starts, they were all so close knit(marriages into own relatives) that they were sorted out immediately. today the more your relative fights, it is more of a enjoyment to others.(here i dont mean all)

My husband always quips sandaiillatha oru veedu veeda.. (that is it should be there with a limit..you fight a fight for the issue not a person...)

 

Hi,
Like Sunkan rightly said in the older generations man and wife grew up together.
But in these days girls are well educated and parents have such a hard time to fight the right groom in most cases. One thing is the paycheck of the husband that is a status symbol now and then the social status that comes with it.
Earlier they lived in joint famillies an there was no scope to ague having so many elders around, but now with nuclear families becoming the order of the day and both husband and wife working , pressures mount. The lady of the house does all the work and takes care of the kids, at times such a difficult juggle.
It is up to both of them to make it strong and fight-free.
:yes:

 

Hi,

Everyone of uswish so, partly out of selfishness, partly out of the love care and affection we can get and give.

 

Though short, a nice article.

These are my feelings though i may be wrong.

1) Those days men earned, and women were homemakers.So the ego did not come in,like today, who earns more, husband or wife.

2) There was more tolerance,just as a ship has one captain, the husband was the boss in money matters, the wife was the captain at home.The two roles dint clash.

3) There were not much expectations from children . 50 to 60% marks were ok,ordinary schools were chosen close by.unlike today, where we want designer expensive schools and we want our child to excell in studies, dancing, sports etc.

The fault lies within us, and nowhere else.We are in the rat race.Wives are also earning, so at any given time, can tick off their husbands.

Since both work,both ar tense all the time, both have targets,and at any time they are irritable.So even a small thing blows uop into a major issue.

Its good women are on their feet these days,and they are equal iuf not better than me no doubt.They are not at the mercy of their husbands.But their children are at the mercy of maids, and cretches.

Tought times these days.Regards.kamal

 

I agree with Shanvy,s views.In fact when I started reading this thread I was about to jot down the same points.Exposure is more nowadays.Moreover economic independence is there now which leads to ego .This leads to many problems.It is upto the husband and wife to have a frank talk on all the matters instead of squabbling.I suggest the couple should always set apart some time atleast an hour for themselves to talk things over instead of waiting for things to boil over.Frank talk is a must which is lacking when we are faced with a problem.Olden days they taught staying together was the norm of the day and as there was joint families the women were always involved some activity or the other.So there was no time for even sit and think.Economic differences between brothers is more now which causes lot of problems.Wants have increased now.It is upto each individual to sort it out.

 

hello Sashmitaa.. very pleasant evening!

What do we exactly mean when we say "generation gap"??
I always ask myself and ponder about the same. Even though am not the apt person to talk about this topic (since i have no experience regarding the same), but i would like to pool in my views.

According to me, "Socio-economic changes" form the back-bone of generation gap. We have brought in cutting-edge technologies in all part of our lives such that we need to accommodate ourselves according to the situation. Was this the case with our grand mothers and great grand mothers? They ought to stay in the house since they were not educated and not given equal rights. Moreover, they were guided by the parents in the same way. They were molded with the cliche that "Male were the bread-winners of the family". Miles have we crossed now. Can women still stay like how they were a couple of decades back? Wearing the traditionals, being at home, answering from behind the curtain, gluing on to the kitchen rooms round the clock, trembling to give their suggestions during any family discussions in a joint family; so on and so forth...

I always strongly believe in one statement that has revolutionized many lives; "Educate a women in a family; and you have educated the whole family". Yes its true.

The mis-understandings as you have pointed out may arise due to age difference, ego clashes and much more because of the tensed automatic machine-like lives that we all are running in. A famous quote strikes my mind as i write this now; which is "We need to run and run to stand where we are". Were does the two genders get time to sit peacefully and share their feelings in today's cut-throat competitive world? You flip across any supplements in the papers and you get to know all about stress with work, how many have lost interest in their lives due to stress-filled work through out the year, health issues and the list continues.

Any kind of mis-understanding can be sorted out if we keep tension aside. When we master the art of tackling our work at office and duty at home; i think life can be lived as how it should be