1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Opinion - Thread - Does Counselling Work In High Conflict Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lavani, Oct 15, 2018.

  1. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    642
    Likes Received:
    821
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I have a open question. Does marital counselling really work in a high conflict marriage. Here at least one of the partner is not willing to change at all .

    Does it always have be like one of the person has to resort to legal ways for separation or temporary separation.

    please share any stories of success that you or someone you knew went even if it was temp separation and you went for counselling and things changed.
     
    Loading...

  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,025
    Likes Received:
    2,208
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    The question is not about changing, but rather, do both partners want this marriage to work? If one wants to leave, there is little for the other person to do. Now, if they both want to make the marriage work, but one of them (but usually both of them) don't really want to change, counseling can give some perspective on the situation. If there is still no change, a temporary separation might be worth a chance (doesn't have to be legal).

    I will not say my personal life is a success story, but counseling helped me regain the confidence I lost while being helplessly dependent to my emotionally abusive husband. Counseling did not help him change, but it did help me become strong enough emotionally to deal with him. Eventually, directly or indirectly, my husband has changed - the fear of me permanently leaving him has made him work hard to fix the marriage. We were somewhat informally separated for a month or two, which may have played a role.
     
    sindmani and Lalithambigai like this.
  3. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    521
    Likes Received:
    546
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    If one doesn't want to change, naturally the change is applicable to other person. It is kind of one sided adjustments, and is happening in many families. If the other doesn't want to change either, it ends up in separation. So the adjustment load falls up on mostly women. By the time men realizes that he has wasted his married life, despite having a good wife, he is reaching 60. I feel men are sometimes not intellectual in saving their happiness with their wives. They think that their mother, sister, brother , father are all coming under first round of priorities. Under second round, all the others, including wife are there. Naturally the wife feels that she is getting ditched and snubbed by her H. Sometimes men are forced to do like that by their parents. Otherwise, they curse and don't let their son live peacefully all through his married life. After their parent's life, H adjusts with wife to a greater extent. Now it's wife 's turn to play the role. She takes everything in her hand and rule (her mind senses freedom and is free to live her life after her middle age). Transformation plays a major role in a woman's life. These words are quoted from many of my friends real life situations.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    521
    Likes Received:
    546
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh. I think I have answered irrelevantly for ur Q. Sorry for that.
     
  5. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    642
    Likes Received:
    821
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I do not think so.
    I do not think you have.

    this post might look like a rant. sorry gals.

    i have come to a conclusion that till one of the partners realizes that their actions will more pain that pleasure in their life, they do not change.

    time and time i have noticed, till either of the spouse moves out, goes legal or does something so severe then only it hits the other that they have been a jerk and need to change their way of life.

    i saw a talk from Anthony robbins, he is motivational speaker, he says till really feel that our actions are going to bring real PAIN in life, we do not attempt to do any change. I felt the same goes in a bad relationship, where atleast one of the spouse ACTs so extreme that it makes the other wake up from their own beliefs.
     
    sindmani and BhumiBabe like this.
  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,025
    Likes Received:
    2,208
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel that's accurate. I did have to take drastic measures, before seeing real change.
     

Share This Page