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Open Letter From A Mother

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, Jun 17, 2016.

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Jun 18, 2016 #21

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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Why is something that should be private correspondence between a mother and her children doing the rounds in the media?
Why is such a harsh ,guilt tripping letter being shown to strangers?
Why couldn't the mother just pick up the phone and talk to her children in a straight forward manner?

@jayasala42 .....Ma'am ,Opening this thread brought the wonderful series of 'An open letter to a cherished son ' by the wonderful Late mithila Kannan in view.Thanks a lot . What a wonderful soul she was. What beautiful letters!

Last edited: Jun 18, 2016

yellowmango, Jun 18, 2016

yellowmango, Jun 18, 2016

#21

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Jun 18, 2016 #22

somsar2014 Silver IL'ite

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To the loving mom in the post

I do not know, what are the proper words to appreciate such a letter. The expressions, the details, the fleeting touches to the subtle issues, hidden behind main issues are so good. I am not sure, what to appreciate more....the issues or the presentations. As a writer observer, you have dome a tremendous work. looking forward to more of such writing to give kicks to conscience of those to whom the letter is addressed.

Please keep it up.

somsar2014, Jun 18, 2016

somsar2014, Jun 18, 2016

#22

jayasala42 likes this.
Jun 18, 2016 #23

jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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satchitananda said: ↑

No doubt a very sad situation. Sad in and of itself and sad because the kind of family structure we have grown up seeing was different from what it is today. However, there are a few points that need to be looked at dispassionately and honestly before we indulge in any blame game.

When did the joint family system start breaking up? Was it only with our generation or was it earlier? My grand father who would have been about 115 now had moved out of his village and settled in Mumbai when he was 16. He came there looking for a job. He had to, to support his father and younger brothers. How often could they go and live with their parents in the village? Their parents could of course come and live with them if they chose to. Today it is a global village and people are highly mobile. Even if they stick to one job, they can't be in one place all their lives.

Which generation was ambitious for their children to be employed in 'multinational' companies? It was the generation of my parents who had these aspirations for their children. It was they who liked to revel in their children earning 5 figure salaries (in the 80s) and working in international companies, going abroad for studies, living abroad ..... It was they who wanted their kids to be highly qualified, have foreign qualifications and so on. They were the generation who looked for trophy kids.

How many parents can accept the fact that they might not be grandparents? Are they willing to let their kids live in peace without pressurizing them to have more kids? What happens to the population figures, breakneck competition, dwindling opportunities, falling quality of life (oh yes, you might live in a villa in a gated community, but look at the piles of garbage just outside the gates of that community - just to list one example). Which person in their right minds would want to come back to live here permanently once they see a better quality of life (never mind the fact that it is a rat race)? Would these parents be happy for their children to return and then keep complaining about having returned 'for the sake of the parents'?

Given the state of affairs where job security is concerned, how many could dare to keep taking leave every other year to come home?

Coming to specifics, this letter indicates that the father in his wisdom had held joint accounts with the children without including the name of his wife who lived with him and looked after him. Who is to blame?

I totally agree with Viswa when he says that no loving mother would write a letter like this. I can understand to the extent that she feels short-changed now when the reality of NRI kids dawns upon her (that it is not easy for them to visit her as often as she would like), but I certainly winced at the complaining and accusatory tone of the letter and then she wants them to keep the letter as a 'treasure trove' of memories (of bitterness?)! How does she assume that the children have not read the letters? Probably they have but if they were all in the same tone, then what kind of reply does she expect them to give?

Then on the other hand, 3 years no visits? Mothers abandoned on the roads? I find this hard to palate or even believe. Does this really happen? Yes, I have certainly heard a 'story' of a mother who was abandoned at the airport by a callous NRI son after he sold off her home, belongings and such like. Although I heard of it a few years ago, I still don't know whether to believe it or not. If it is true, then it only indicates that there is a lot about filial relationships that I have yet to learn and in this case, I would say Ignorance is bliss. One would need to know what the interpersonal relationships of the parents and children involved were from the word go.

In a broader perspective, we just need to get used to the reality of changing social structures. Save wisely for such eventualities. Times have changed. Children fly the nest and are gradually moving the way of kids in other countries (leaving home and leading their own lives). So let the parents also learn to follow the same kind of social pattern where they fulfil their duties by feeding, clothing and educating their children upto a reasonable degree. Then let the kids fend for themselves for higher education if they wish to study further. Let them realize the value of money and not mistake the parents for 'akshay patras' or bank ATMs for life. Save money for your old age requirements and then depending on how the kids treat you, either leave what is left over (NOT BY SCROUNGING ON YOUR OWN NEEDS) to them or write it off to a charity/retirement home etc. Don't do any favours and don't expect anything in return. Stop looking on children as 'budhaape ka sahaara' (props for old age). If they do love and look after you, be grateful to the Lord above for such kids. If they don't, then don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Or gradually go back to the joint family system if you can accept that.
Click to expand...

satchitananda said: ↑

No doubt a very sad situation. Sad in and of itself and sad because the kind of family structure we have grown up seeing was different from what it is today. However, there are a few points that need to be looked at dispassionately and honestly before we indulge in any blame game.

When did the joint family system start breaking up? Was it only with our generation or was it earlier? My grand father who would have been about 115 now had moved out of his village and settled in Mumbai when he was 16. He came there looking for a job. He had to, to support his father and younger brothers. How often could they go and live with their parents in the village? Their parents could of course come and live with them if they chose to. Today it is a global village and people are highly mobile. Even if they stick to one job, they can't be in one place all their lives.

Which generation was ambitious for their children to be employed in 'multinational' companies? It was the generation of my parents who had these aspirations for their children. It was they who liked to revel in their children earning 5 figure salaries (in the 80s) and working in international companies, going abroad for studies, living abroad ..... It was they who wanted their kids to be highly qualified, have foreign qualifications and so on. They were the generation who looked for trophy kids.

How many parents can accept the fact that they might not be grandparents? Are they willing to let their kids live in peace without pressurizing them to have more kids? What happens to the population figures, breakneck competition, dwindling opportunities, falling quality of life (oh yes, you might live in a villa in a gated community, but look at the piles of garbage just outside the gates of that community - just to list one example). Which person in their right minds would want to come back to live here permanently once they see a better quality of life (never mind the fact that it is a rat race)? Would these parents be happy for their children to return and then keep complaining about having returned 'for the sake of the parents'?

Given the state of affairs where job security is concerned, how many could dare to keep taking leave every other year to come home?

Coming to specifics, this letter indicates that the father in his wisdom had held joint accounts with the children without including the name of his wife who lived with him and looked after him. Who is to blame?

I totally agree with Viswa when he says that no loving mother would write a letter like this. I can understand to the extent that she feels short-changed now when the reality of NRI kids dawns upon her (that it is not easy for them to visit her as often as she would like), but I certainly winced at the complaining and accusatory tone of the letter and then she wants them to keep the letter as a 'treasure trove' of memories (of bitterness?)! How does she assume that the children have not read the letters? Probably they have but if they were all in the same tone, then what kind of reply does she expect them to give?

Then on the other hand, 3 years no visits? Mothers abandoned on the roads? I find this hard to palate or even believe. Does this really happen? Yes, I have certainly heard a 'story' of a mother who was abandoned at the airport by a callous NRI son after he sold off her home, belongings and such like. Although I heard of it a few years ago, I still don't know whether to believe it or not. If it is true, then it only indicates that there is a lot about filial relationships that I have yet to learn and in this case, I would say Ignorance is bliss. One would need to know what the interpersonal relationships of the parents and children involved were from the word go.

In a broader perspective, we just need to get used to the reality of changing social structures. Save wisely for such eventualities. Times have changed. Children fly the nest and are gradually moving the way of kids in other countries (leaving home and leading their own lives). So let the parents also learn to follow the same kind of social pattern where they fulfil their duties by feeding, clothing and educating their children upto a reasonable degree. Then let the kids fend for themselves for higher education if they wish to study further. Let them realize the value of money and not mistake the parents for 'akshay patras' or bank ATMs for life. Save money for your old age requirements and then depending on how the kids treat you, either leave what is left over (NOT BY SCROUNGING ON YOUR OWN NEEDS) to them or write it off to a charity/retirement home etc. Don't do any favours and don't expect anything in return. Stop looking on children as 'budhaape ka sahaara' (props for old age). If they do love and look after you, be grateful to the Lord above for such kids. If they don't, then don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Or gradually go back to the joint family system if you can accept that.
Click to expand...

Dear Satchitananda,Really a wonderful thesis you have created.The simple thread has been woven into a grand Saree with frills and sari works. You have inter alia discussed the family planning and migration issues prevalent in earlier days also.But I can't agree that they had many children because parents insisted No doubt people migrated for earning.Even the poet Avvai has advocated that one cam cross seas to earn money.But today the issue has taken enormous proportions.I too wonder how a living mother could send such letters.Apppears to me the draft of some social activist writer. Even considering the case as a fabricated one or cannot be denied that many parents .not necessarily those of NRIs are forsaken in India.As you rightly said parents cannot be ATMs.It is high time that children are left to themselves."Don't give and don't expect also.Are we bring advised to be selfish or worldly wise and materialistic too as a bread-butter aim.I think it will take at least 50 years more for the dust tosettle down provided any other new social issue does not creep in jayasala42

jayasala42, Jun 18, 2016

jayasala42, Jun 18, 2016

#23

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Jun 18, 2016 #24

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Dear JS Ma'am, my only point in saying "don't do any favours and don't expect any in return" is in order to avoid disappointments. When one expects something which may or may not happen, one is setting oneself up for disappointments. If one is grateful for being given the privilege of raising children, then that is it. The privilege itself is the reward for whatever efforts and sacrifices the parents make. They enjoy the babyhood, the innocence and joy of their children. If the children turn out to be good and reciprocate the love and affection, they are indeed blessed - both, the parents as well as the children. If not, the parents need to understand that what they did for their children until they were in a position to fend for themselves was their duty as parents, their duty towards to the children they brought forth into this world. That is their duty and they owe it to their children.

Once the children are capable of looking after themselves, anything the parents do for them is either out of love or as a favour. If they do it out of love, they should not be expecting a quid pro quo. If they do it as a favour for which they expect reciprocation, they are only setting themselves up for disappointments. So do whatever you want to do (I mean the statement as a general one for all parents) only if you wish to. Don't do anything for your children which you consider as a favour.

satchitananda, Jun 18, 2016

satchitananda, Jun 18, 2016

#24

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Jun 18, 2016 #25

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Parents with only girl children and no male offspring dealt with this issue for decades/centuries. Why this hungama (outcry) and "open letter" drama now about NRI children who leave parents alone in old age?

Rihana, Jun 18, 2016

Rihana, Jun 18, 2016

#25

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Jun 18, 2016 #26

jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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satchitananda said: ↑

No doubt a very sad situation. Sad in and of itself and sad because the kind of family structure we have grown up seeing was different from what it is today. However, there are a few points that need to be looked at dispassionately and honestly before we indulge in any blame game.

When did the joint family system start breaking up? Was it only with our generation or was it earlier? My grand father who would have been about 115 now had moved out of his village and settled in Mumbai when he was 16. He came there looking for a job. He had to, to support his father and younger brothers. How often could they go and live with their parents in the village? Their parents could of course come and live with them if they chose to. Today it is a global village and people are highly mobile. Even if they stick to one job, they can't be in one place all their lives.

Which generation was ambitious for their children to be employed in 'multinational' companies? It was the generation of my parents who had these aspirations for their children. It was they who liked to revel in their children earning 5 figure salaries (in the 80s) and working in international companies, going abroad for studies, living abroad ..... It was they who wanted their kids to be highly qualified, have foreign qualifications and so on. They were the generation who looked for trophy kids.

How many parents can accept the fact that they might not be grandparents? Are they willing to let their kids live in peace without pressurizing them to have more kids? What happens to the population figures, breakneck competition, dwindling opportunities, falling quality of life (oh yes, you might live in a villa in a gated community, but look at the piles of garbage just outside the gates of that community - just to list one example). Which person in their right minds would want to come back to live here permanently once they see a better quality of life (never mind the fact that it is a rat race)? Would these parents be happy for their children to return and then keep complaining about having returned 'for the sake of the parents'?

Given the state of affairs where job security is concerned, how many could dare to keep taking leave every other year to come home?

Coming to specifics, this letter indicates that the father in his wisdom had held joint accounts with the children without including the name of his wife who lived with him and looked after him. Who is to blame?

I totally agree with Viswa when he says that no loving mother would write a letter like this. I can understand to the extent that she feels short-changed now when the reality of NRI kids dawns upon her (that it is not easy for them to visit her as often as she would like), but I certainly winced at the complaining and accusatory tone of the letter and then she wants them to keep the letter as a 'treasure trove' of memories (of bitterness?)! How does she assume that the children have not read the letters? Probably they have but if they were all in the same tone, then what kind of reply does she expect them to give?

Then on the other hand, 3 years no visits? Mothers abandoned on the roads? I find this hard to palate or even believe. Does this really happen? Yes, I have certainly heard a 'story' of a mother who was abandoned at the airport by a callous NRI son after he sold off her home, belongings and such like. Although I heard of it a few years ago, I still don't know whether to believe it or not. If it is true, then it only indicates that there is a lot about filial relationships that I have yet to learn and in this case, I would say Ignorance is bliss. One would need to know what the interpersonal relationships of the parents and children involved were from the word go.

In a broader perspective, we just need to get used to the reality of changing social structures. Save wisely for such eventualities. Times have changed. Children fly the nest and are gradually moving the way of kids in other countries (leaving home and leading their own lives). So let the parents also learn to follow the same kind of social pattern where they fulfil their duties by feeding, clothing and educating their children upto a reasonable degree. Then let the kids fend for themselves for higher education if they wish to study further. Let them realize the value of money and not mistake the parents for 'akshay patras' or bank ATMs for life. Save money for your old age requirements and then depending on how the kids treat you, either leave what is left over (NOT BY SCROUNGING ON YOUR OWN NEEDS) to them or write it off to a charity/retirement home etc. Don't do any favours and don't expect anything in return. Stop looking on children as 'budhaape ka sahaara' (props for old age). If they do love and look after you, be grateful to the Lord above for such kids. If they don't, then don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Or gradually go back to the joint family system if you can accept that.
Click to expand...

satchitananda said: ↑

No doubt a very sad situation. Sad in and of itself and sad because the kind of family structure we have grown up seeing was different from what it is today. However, there are a few points that need to be looked at dispassionately and honestly before we indulge in any blame game.

When did the joint family system start breaking up? Was it only with our generation or was it earlier? My grand father who would have been about 115 now had moved out of his village and settled in Mumbai when he was 16. He came there looking for a job. He had to, to support his father and younger brothers. How often could they go and live with their parents in the village? Their parents could of course come and live with them if they chose to. Today it is a global village and people are highly mobile. Even if they stick to one job, they can't be in one place all their lives.

Which generation was ambitious for their children to be employed in 'multinational' companies? It was the generation of my parents who had these aspirations for their children. It was they who liked to revel in their children earning 5 figure salaries (in the 80s) and working in international companies, going abroad for studies, living abroad ..... It was they who wanted their kids to be highly qualified, have foreign qualifications and so on. They were the generation who looked for trophy kids.

How many parents can accept the fact that they might not be grandparents? Are they willing to let their kids live in peace without pressurizing them to have more kids? What happens to the population figures, breakneck competition, dwindling opportunities, falling quality of life (oh yes, you might live in a villa in a gated community, but look at the piles of garbage just outside the gates of that community - just to list one example). Which person in their right minds would want to come back to live here permanently once they see a better quality of life (never mind the fact that it is a rat race)? Would these parents be happy for their children to return and then keep complaining about having returned 'for the sake of the parents'?

Given the state of affairs where job security is concerned, how many could dare to keep taking leave every other year to come home?

Coming to specifics, this letter indicates that the father in his wisdom had held joint accounts with the children without including the name of his wife who lived with him and looked after him. Who is to blame?

I totally agree with Viswa when he says that no loving mother would write a letter like this. I can understand to the extent that she feels short-changed now when the reality of NRI kids dawns upon her (that it is not easy for them to visit her as often as she would like), but I certainly winced at the complaining and accusatory tone of the letter and then she wants them to keep the letter as a 'treasure trove' of memories (of bitterness?)! How does she assume that the children have not read the letters? Probably they have but if they were all in the same tone, then what kind of reply does she expect them to give?

Then on the other hand, 3 years no visits? Mothers abandoned on the roads? I find this hard to palate or even believe. Does this really happen? Yes, I have certainly heard a 'story' of a mother who was abandoned at the airport by a callous NRI son after he sold off her home, belongings and such like. Although I heard of it a few years ago, I still don't know whether to believe it or not. If it is true, then it only indicates that there is a lot about filial relationships that I have yet to learn and in this case, I would say Ignorance is bliss. One would need to know what the interpersonal relationships of the parents and children involved were from the word go.

In a broader perspective, we just need to get used to the reality of changing social structures. Save wisely for such eventualities. Times have changed. Children fly the nest and are gradually moving the way of kids in other countries (leaving home and leading their own lives). So let the parents also learn to follow the same kind of social pattern where they fulfil their duties by feeding, clothing and educating their children upto a reasonable degree. Then let the kids fend for themselves for higher education if they wish to study further. Let them realize the value of money and not mistake the parents for 'akshay patras' or bank ATMs for life. Save money for your old age requirements and then depending on how the kids treat you, either leave what is left over (NOT BY SCROUNGING ON YOUR OWN NEEDS) to them or write it off to a charity/retirement home etc. Don't do any favours and don't expect anything in return. Stop looking on children as 'budhaape ka sahaara' (props for old age). If they do love and look after you, be grateful to the Lord above for such kids. If they don't, then don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Or gradually go back to the joint family system if you can accept that.
Click to expand...

satchitananda said: ↑

No doubt a very sad situation. Sad in and of itself and sad because the kind of family structure we have grown up seeing was different from what it is today. However, there are a few points that need to be looked at dispassionately and honestly before we indulge in any blame game.

When did the joint family system start breaking up? Was it only with our generation or was it earlier? My grand father who would have been about 115 now had moved out of his village and settled in Mumbai when he was 16. He came there looking for a job. He had to, to support his father and younger brothers. How often could they go and live with their parents in the village? Their parents could of course come and live with them if they chose to. Today it is a global village and people are highly mobile. Even if they stick to one job, they can't be in one place all their lives.

Which generation was ambitious for their children to be employed in 'multinational' companies? It was the generation of my parents who had these aspirations for their children. It was they who liked to revel in their children earning 5 figure salaries (in the 80s) and working in international companies, going abroad for studies, living abroad ..... It was they who wanted their kids to be highly qualified, have foreign qualifications and so on. They were the generation who looked for trophy kids.

How many parents can accept the fact that they might not be grandparents? Are they willing to let their kids live in peace without pressurizing them to have more kids? What happens to the population figures, breakneck competition, dwindling opportunities, falling quality of life (oh yes, you might live in a villa in a gated community, but look at the piles of garbage just outside the gates of that community - just to list one example). Which person in their right minds would want to come back to live here permanently once they see a better quality of life (never mind the fact that it is a rat race)? Would these parents be happy for their children to return and then keep complaining about having returned 'for the sake of the parents'?

Given the state of affairs where job security is concerned, how many could dare to keep taking leave every other year to come home?

Coming to specifics, this letter indicates that the father in his wisdom had held joint accounts with the children without including the name of his wife who lived with him and looked after him. Who is to blame?

I totally agree with Viswa when he says that no loving mother would write a letter like this. I can understand to the extent that she feels short-changed now when the reality of NRI kids dawns upon her (that it is not easy for them to visit her as often as she would like), but I certainly winced at the complaining and accusatory tone of the letter and then she wants them to keep the letter as a 'treasure trove' of memories (of bitterness?)! How does she assume that the children have not read the letters? Probably they have but if they were all in the same tone, then what kind of reply does she expect them to give?

Then on the other hand, 3 years no visits? Mothers abandoned on the roads? I find this hard to palate or even believe. Does this really happen? Yes, I have certainly heard a 'story' of a mother who was abandoned at the airport by a callous NRI son after he sold off her home, belongings and such like. Although I heard of it a few years ago, I still don't know whether to believe it or not. If it is true, then it only indicates that there is a lot about filial relationships that I have yet to learn and in this case, I would say Ignorance is bliss. One would need to know what the interpersonal relationships of the parents and children involved were from the word go.

In a broader perspective, we just need to get used to the reality of changing social structures. Save wisely for such eventualities. Times have changed. Children fly the nest and are gradually moving the way of kids in other countries (leaving home and leading their own lives). So let the parents also learn to follow the same kind of social pattern where they fulfil their duties by feeding, clothing and educating their children upto a reasonable degree. Then let the kids fend for themselves for higher education if they wish to study further. Let them realize the value of money and not mistake the parents for 'akshay patras' or bank ATMs for life. Save money for your old age requirements and then depending on how the kids treat you, either leave what is left over (NOT BY SCROUNGING ON YOUR OWN NEEDS) to them or write it off to a charity/retirement home etc. Don't do any favours and don't expect anything in return. Stop looking on children as 'budhaape ka sahaara' (props for old age). If they do love and look after you, be grateful to the Lord above for such kids. If they don't, then don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Or gradually go back to the joint family system if you can accept that.
Click to expand...

satchitananda said: ↑

Dear JS Ma'am, my only point in saying "don't do any favours and don't expect any in return" is in order to avoid disappointments. When one expects something which may or may not happen, one is setting oneself up for disappointments. If one is grateful for being given the privilege of raising children, then that is it. The privilege itself is the reward for whatever efforts and sacrifices the parents make. They enjoy the babyhood, the innocence and joy of their children. If the children turn out to be good and reciprocate the love and affection, they are indeed blessed - both, the parents as well as the children. If not, the parents need to understand that what they did for their children until they were in a position to fend for themselves was their duty as parents, their duty towards to the children they brought forth into this world. That is their duty and they owe it to their children.

Once the children are capable of looking after themselves, anything the parents do for them is either out of love or as a favour. If they do it out of love, they should not be expecting a quid pro quo. If they do it as a favour for which they expect reciprocation, they are only setting themselves up for disappointments. So do whatever you want to do (I mean the statement as a general one for all parents) only if you wish to. Don't do anything for your children which you consider as a favour.
Click to expand...

Dear Satchitananda,your mail.has been taken in the correct sense only.Normally,as you say.problem arises when.there is ex pectation.But expectation is likely to be there whenever there is financial instability.You know many parents have written settlement deed of the housing property in favour of children in expectation that children may not ask them to leave the house.Another important factor behind this is the rule that "execution of will is not a sufficient document in case of proprties in mtro cities like Madras.Mumbai Delhi and Calcutta and the will has to be probated in High court after the death of parents-a long drawn costly process which the NRI sons and daughters may not be able to comply with.whereas the settlement deed attracts the stamp.duty of Rupees ten thousand only irrespective the value of the prop.It is this rule that made many parents to transfer the property during their life time.What was done in the interest of kids had gone against parents.

jayasala42, Jun 18, 2016

jayasala42, Jun 18, 2016

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Jun 18, 2016 #27

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jskls said: ↑

Dear Jayasala mam
It's hard foraging parents to live by themselves at old age. I don't have both my parents but if situation arose when my dad was to be taken care I was ready to pack and go back to take care of him irrespective of all the adjustments my family would have to go through. As Other posters mentioned if the children were raised with love they will look after the parents no matter what. I don't agree taking the children through a guilt trip. Don't know what strained relationship the mother who wrote the letter she had with her children. As a mother I would never write something like this to my children
Click to expand...

Dear Jskls,Thank you for your reply.Many children are ok with parents.Some show it out and some cannot express.when parents are admitted in hospitals in India .even if is for minor ailments children v cell up every hour .Though the particular coast is unique there are misunderstandings among mother apnd kids and the fact cannot be denied totally.somewhere the show punches and parents or kids,if they are sensitive react to the extreme of breaking the relationships.)Instances are many jayasala42

jayasala42, Jun 18, 2016

jayasala42, Jun 18, 2016

#27

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Jun 19, 2016 #28

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Thanks jaya mam for starting this thread. There are some people who ill treat their parents, there are some who love their parents but are caught up with their own situations and can't help, there are some who love and take care of parents. Of all the friends and acquaintances that I have, I have only seen cases of children taking care of parents either by getting parents here or frequently visit them. So I don't know if the people who ill treat or don't care for their parents is majority or in minority. There will also be cases where the children and parents live under same roof, yet the children not taking care of parents.

Yes. it breaks our heart when we read about such cases. A few years back, I read about a son leaving his mother on a deserted road in a jungle type area in US. The mother after waiting for a long time started walking and was eventually spotted by someone after three days.

I am afraid how the next generation (my kids) are going to treat their parents. The newer generation kids have more independent thinking and are much more ambitious so not sure what kind of days we will be seeing.

Akanksha1982, Jun 19, 2016

Akanksha1982, Jun 19, 2016

#28

jayasala42, sindmani, satchitananda and 4 others like this.
Jun 19, 2016 #29

poovai Platinum IL'ite

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Sooner or later, we all will be facing both ends of the spectrum. I do time to time think about where would I fit in my old age? I look around our neighbors, as well. Our neighborhood lately became empty Nester's and slowly replaced by younger couples.

Our opposite neighbor, dentist with 5-kids and all are home-schooled. Every day, at 8am just after the dentist leaves, the retired parents (on lady's side) arrive and leave after 7pm, just before the doctor arrives home from work. Rain or snow, their car is parked outside. Next door neighbor has complete mother-in law suite and hardly ever, that section of the house used, no visitors. We came to know, the house was gifted from their parents.

Ideally, I like to live like 'everybody loves Raymond's mom. It is impossible, but the thought made me smile. Already our boy put us on every year, 2-weeks visitation rights and that too for his home "maintenance" service...just kidding. Mostly, we spend our time with him to care of the home/finance/stocking up his closet. We are determined to maintain 'long distance' from him and not to overcrowd him. No body can predict, what the future hold for us?

Last edited: Jun 19, 2016

poovai, Jun 19, 2016

poovai, Jun 19, 2016

#29

jayasala42, Rihana, satchitananda and 4 others like this.
Jun 19, 2016 #30

joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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Rihana said: ↑

Parents with only girl children and no male offspring dealt with this issue for decades/centuries. Why this hungama (outcry) and "open letter" drama now about NRI children who leave parents alone in old age?
Click to expand...

@Rihana,
im surprised by this question of yours. Just because the girl child parents were managing all these years - and we have spoken of the harassment/illtreatment etc by their sambandis all along, so essentially they have been suffering /at the receiving end of insults,indignity etc. Steps are now taken all over to set right such issues by education, empowerment in all ways. Similarly where there is lack of empathy for parents of an only son or so, what is wrong in questioning the same?
I am almost sure that the open letter is not a genuine one written by the mother but by some activist or person known to the family who feels the injustice of it all.
I have expressed my views on the situation in my earlier post and am definitely not justifying the tone of the letter or its purpose.
Sorry OP, i couldnt but help react to this.

joylokhi, Jun 19, 2016

joylokhi, Jun 19, 2016

#30

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