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On Being Judgmental

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by HariLakhera, Oct 18, 2020.

  1. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    On Being Judgmental

    A. I happen to meet a person and after a few words with him I say - you are a good person. He thanks me for that!

    I have known a person for a while and do not like some of his actions and I tell him this on his face. And he tells me why am I so judgmental?

    ( How come the person I praised thanked me and the person, I did not, thought that I am judgmental? Why being judgmental is always taken in a negative sense?)

    B. I am approached by some people and they want me to join their charity drive and I say - I shall mull it over. Am I being judgmental?

    C. I do not mix up easily with strangers in a social or business gathering. I want to first evaluate a person from his talks with others and or his body language and then take a call to strike a conversation. Am I being judgmental?

    I am trying to figure out if, people were judgmental in a positive or negative sense, will life be easy? I think, yes. Above all, we have been given the power of judging people or situations for our own good and the good of the people at large.

    We have courts and Judges judge the situation and give a Judgment. They are not called Judgmental.


    I AM JUDGMENTAL,THEREFORE, I AM!
     
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  2. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Last edited: Oct 18, 2020
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  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Hari Sir,

    There is a subtle difference between Judges making their decisions Vs us making a judgment. The Judges are permitted to gather all the witnesses and if required issue subpoenas to ask anyone to provide witness. We don't have that authority nor the means to force anyone to be a witness to prove the faulty action. But nowadays, we see courts making decisions such as issuing arrest warrants against famous personalities without evaluating a case and judges who are suspected of committing offenses being appointed as judges. That is a mistake in our system and truly judges should be beyond violating any laws of the land and have a moral authority to judge cases.

    The vile are ever prone to detect the faults of others, though they be as small as mustard seeds, and persistently shut their eyes against their own, though they be as large as Vilva fruit. - Sanata Dharma - Garuda Purana 112

    Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment that you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when there is the log in your own eye? - Christianity - Matthew 7.1.5

    Easily seen are others' faults, hard indeed to see are one's own. Like chaff one winnows others' faults, but one's own one hides, as a crafty fowler conceals himself by camouflage. He who sees others' faults is ever irritable--his corruptions grow. He is far from the destruction of the corruptions. - Buddhism - Dhammapada 252-53

    Happy is the person who finds fault with himself instead of finding fault with others. - Islam - Hadith

    Confucius said, "The gentleman calls attention to the good points in others; he does not call attention to their defects. The small man does just the reverse of this." - Confucianism - Analects 12.16

    Almost all religions teach not to judge and find our own faults instead. The journey of life is about our own spiritual progress so that our journey becomes pleasant. From that perspective, mentioning the faults of others is not going to help us. Even if we judge others, we can use it to eliminate if we have a similar quality but there is no need to mention it to others. They are slightly different from expressing a difference of opinion with others. We don't know much about our own thoughts, emotions, feelings, etc. and do not learn lessons from our own experiences and expressing a judgment about others without knowing their circumstances will result in us erring and regretting it later.

    Viswa
     
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  4. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

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    Well said Viswa Sir.Though very often we are advised not to be judgemental, on and often we commit the same mistake, as though it is our authority to pin point errors.
    But while bringing up children we have to be judgemental on many
    occasions to bring them on the right path. May be sometimes we ourselves are wrong and we are well aware of it.But we don't want our children to commit the same blunder which we have committed.

    When You Point A Finger At Someone, There Are Three More Pointing Back At You

    [​IMG]
    “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung

    When you judge someone, it affects you more than the other person. It says more about you than the other person.

    Instead of judgment, observe and be curious.

    Embrace the differences between you and other people. Maybe they don’t see what you see. Maybe they don’t want the same things as you. Maybe they have a different life philosophy and values in life.

    If you want others to stop judging you, stop judging others first.

    When you stop judging, you also stop caring about what other people think about you.


    Detach yourself from your judgments. You don’t need to have an opinion about everything happening around you.

    “Love is the absence of judgment.” — Dalai Lama
    Jayasala42

     
  5. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you very much for your point to point feedback and sharing your personal experience. Many a times, these days we hear the advice, never be judgmental of others, accept them as they are.
    It is no doubt a very sound advice but at times not very practical. It is okay if the person concerned is a casual acquaintance and can easily be forgotten. However, it will be difficult to hide our feelings for long if we are in regular touch with the person. It is fine to aim positivity but as humans we have emotions too.
     
  6. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Shri Viswa,
    Once again, words of wisdom that induce a thinking process. The path to spirituality is, however, not a cup of tea for everyone. Some even do not try, and I am not talking about them.
    I am talking from my own experience and can claim to be taking first steps to understand spirituality.
    As you said, first we have to understand ourselves. It happens that we want to others to be like us, as we think of ourself. We want them to act and behave as we do and if not, find faults with them. The fault may be in our understanding of ourself.
    Each individual is unique and I find that it is much more easy and comforting if we accept people as they are and try not to change them because may be we are wrong and they are right. This may create some alleged lack of responsibility as senior or elder in the family and society but for personal happiness it is the easiest way. Above all who has told us to reform others? They too will learn from their own experience.
    Am I right?
     
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  7. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Well said.
     
  8. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear JS Madam,
    I would have voted thousand likes if that is there as an option.
    Excellent analysis.
    Syamala
     
  9. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear JS Madam,
    I would have voted thousand likes if that is there as an option.
    Excellent analysis.
    Syama
    So, no need of judgement though it is very difficult. We do judge without our knowledge but do not express it many times. Praise we do as it is easier and other person feels happy. Our judgement may be wrong also....then we have to swallow our words. About children when young we have to guide them. Adults....different approach.
    A common expression in Telugu...."Manchi unte Mike li cheppu, chedu chevilo cheppu". Means positive judgement make it loud and negative whisper in ear....without hurting in front of others.
    Judges, legalities are a complete different approach.
    Syamala
     
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  10. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    With children it is difficult not to judge them and if wrong, in our assessment, not to correct them. As the saying goes, it is duty of the parents to make a good human out of a child. But the question is what is the age limit for being a child. Teens do not like to be judged at every step they take. As youth, they do not want to be contradicted. This is because, other than parents, they are getting influenced by others also.
     

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