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Old Wounds Revisited- Involuntarily! :(

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by nayidulhan, Jul 5, 2020.

  1. Ramyarc

    Ramyarc Silver IL'ite

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    From your friends behaviour looks like she is still angry and is dealing with her emotions publicly. Don’t let it affect you. An angry person will only be spreading anger as they are thinking emotionally.
    It’s also sad that no one is supporting you. As someone suggested just mute the group and only wish birthdays. Don’t waste time on ppl who don’t value you.
    If you have done nothing wrong there is nothing for you to worry about.

    i too had faced bullying and being cornered out by a woman. She was not my best friend but she influenced my best friend to distance from me.

    I decided to stay away from both of them although wish birthday sometimes.
     
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  2. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Very valuable suggestions by Ilites OP. Life is too short to be mulling over something that you are innocent. If she doesn't value your friendship over this drama, that too created by someone else, that friendship is not worth fighting for.
     
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  3. harithab

    harithab Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, thats it - Move on @nayidulhan ....
    It was and will always be absolutely Memorable time period for you and ur then friend when there was a strong friendship between u 2........
    Dont overthink and get hurt urself....
    Job, family, kids - U have lot to do as a sweet mom and wife..:innocent: rather than thinking too much and getting hurt urself on what is being done thru a whatsapp group !!!!! Be there in the group but dont give over importance to the messages posted...
    ( I too had a Best friend and our friendship lasted for about 18 years.It was hard for me too on those days when the friendship ended, was crying much and not talking much as I did not had any other close friends to talk to !!! Went on like that for a few months !!! I decided myself to come out and be stable and happy for myself and my family. No crying over split milk , its of No value )
     
  4. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    Kal:
    Aaj:
    Aur Kal:

    ah, the oldest sport in the world. Gossip! History repeating itself. Slyly controvert with 'Auntyji is back! You remind me so much of my pyaari auntji' never revealing the connect to these well-minded friends who bring news of her [estranged friend] doing to you, boggle them with your chuckle, while you remain amused at their auntyji shenanigans. Give this friend the benefit of the doubt, of the tittle-tattle, that she could not accord to you back then, swept away by gossip.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2020
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  5. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Ramyarc! I have started muting the group every morning and ignoring the posts there. Henceforth, I will only wish people/ acknowledge any wishes sent to me.

    I have really had enough! I will put my foot down now! (After all being nice and polite to others and then expecting that kind of treatment back is like that Whats App forward which says that it's foolish to expect the lion not to eat you only because you are a vegetarian!) :)
     
  6. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for the validation, Angela123! :)

    Sometimes it so happens that initially you know you are correct but then people behave badly with you with such conviction and determination that you start questioning your own beliefs and deeds! You really start wondering if you have actually done something wrong! Such people really drive you nuts!
     
  7. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Novalis - you pointed out an universal truth. Gossip is the oldest sport in the world! :D And if I may say so then the most popular sport in the world too.

    I did that, in fact my whole family did. We gave her the benefit of doubt and that's why we were hoping that she and her family will work on improving their ties with us, once the truth came out. But no, instead she's being a big trouble maker for me unnecessarily. But like what happened with that old lady who did this disservice to me and my family, I hope my estranged friend too has a karma catch-up someday soon!
     
  8. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    Perhaps I wasn't clear in my earlier post advising you to give the benefit of the doubt that she might not be spreading those rumors about you just like you didn't about her in the past. That's the auntyji continuity of kal, aaj aur kal, facts being brought to you, about her activity just like facts were filled in her ears about you in the past. The middle-makers! She's apparently a trouble maker because of that perception in you generously fuelled by, ahem, these intermediary/common friends.

    Your estranged friend is as much a stranger to me as you. Am not in disbelief of your observation. Yet, I would have played out the uncertainty in that allegation in a charitable imagination without straying into shadyantra or karma.
     
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  9. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Novalis! In some cases, yes, I can do as you say... give her the benefit of doubt and let it go. But what should I do when a particular friend tells me something and attributes the source of it to this estranged friend? When I ask these friends the reason for sharing this with me, they tell me that they want me to set the record straight and stop her from doing this. When I ask them why they listen to her in the first place they tell me, they tell me that she's does this thing subtly. Casually, during the course of a conversation, she will say something and quickly change the topic. Leaving the listener thinking about it. I haven't spoken a word with her over the years, in person or over the phone, just exchanged words on the WA group so I am in a bit of an inhibition to start any confrontation now.
    (Also FYI, I can start confrontations but when the opposition goes in attack mode, I get butterflies in my stomach! :( )

    I called her a trouble maker not only because of the rumours but also because of her attitude towards me on my school WA group.

    I didn't say anything about "shadayantra" but yes I mentioned "karma". I strongly believe in "As you sow so shall you reap". My family and I had not spread any rumours about her brother but that neighbourhood lady did. My reputation has been accordingly cleared (after a long long time though) and that lady was exposed and had to endure ridicule and rebuke. But even after this, the friend is behaving in this bizzare manner, which I am given to believe, is done by her deliberately.

    I do believe in karma... what you throw in the world comes back to you... so ideally I should wait quietly with patience and witness the working of the universe. :) But being a mere mortal, I am tempted to take things in my hands and set them right! :)
     
  10. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    Beyond my purview. No helpful insights to deal with a motivated friend targeting someone as her nemesis. No clue. But as general guidelines, as a life hack, cultivate amusement over other forms of reaction. If you can, be amused about the ongoings, if you cannot, be inattentive to the noise, neither, exit the group in an ‘out of sight is out of mind’ paradigm. Thanks for writing back explaining your viewpoint. Good luck.
     
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