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Old MIL and a young DIL relation... Are we somewhere forgetting humanity

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ardhra, Aug 18, 2014.

  1. ardhra

    ardhra Gold IL'ite

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    Lot of times, I have heard about the stories where the old MIL or FIL is left in the lurch by their DS and DIL... All those times, I was thinking that "May be those PILs have done something to the DIL and hence they are facing this situation..."

    Recently something similar has happened to a person with whom I am very much attached. I always had the opportunity of hearing to stories from both ends (MIL and DIL)... MIL is a widow and is 85 years old. DIL is in late 30s...

    They both have their share of cat and mouse stories and have made up at many instances and have fought at other instances like any other MILs and DILs..

    MIL is very dutiful woman and has not left any opportunity for others to point fingers at her... Whenever DIL used to go to her parents to take a break from the household work and her family, MIL used to take care of both the kids (1 year and 4 years)... MIL supported DIL when she had to continue her studies. She never allowed outsiders to belittle her DIL...

    Now, at her old age, she was ill and due to vitamin C deficiency, she got black rashes on her hands and on some parts of her body (PS. Doc had told that it does not spread to others and she has to be taken care like a child and should not be allowed to become emotional for atleast a month).. This is what the DIL did -

    1. Took her kids and went to her mother's place for a week..
    2. MIL had to cook and do everything with one hand as the other had swollen and was painful
    3. DIL came after a week and told MIL that she must stay away from every1.. cook separately, no TV, no Fan, no going out, should not use washing machine, etc..

    Finally after a month MIL recovered and developed trauma and depression. She refused to eat what DIL cooks. She started doing all her work by herself... Whenever she can't cook, she starves but does not eat what DIL cooks... Whenever some1 calls on her, all she says is "We must not live if we cannot do our own work..." and weeps very very badly.

    Last week, MIL fell in the bathroom and is little unstable both mentally and physically. She is not able to recollect many things.. But, from the moment she fell, she is not eating any food.. When asked, all she says is, "When I cannot cook, I must not eat and I must not live"... She is admitted to hospital and is on drips...

    And the DS says, "Because of all this, Doctors are looting us... Mom is very fine.. Nothing has happened to her... DW is doing her best to keep her happy!!!!"

    When I saw all this I just wondered, would we all leave our parents in such a situation??? Why are old people treated like this? She did so many things to her children when she was a young lady... She had never left her DS / DIL / any1 in the family like this when they were not well... Infact, when the same DIL was having complicated 2nd pregnancy and was on bed rest, she had taken care of her 2 year old toddler, DIL and the premature new born for almost 2 years...

    What would be our situation when we grow old and become helpless??? ...

    Please pour your thoughts on the same...
     
    sindmani, ssasi, SGBV and 5 others like this.
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  2. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    That's a great question to ask, especially in this sub-forum.

    P.S. Time is a great leveller, it sure is.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2014
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  3. padmaja909

    padmaja909 Platinum IL'ite

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    DIL should be aware that in some future she will also become a MIL.
    as saying goes "Do unto others as you would have them do"
    giving this a little twist i say
    treat others as you wish your parents to be treated"
    i rest my case.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Mil is responsibility of both people but primarily that of son.If dil has gone to her mother's place son should have cook or arrange food.
    I don't want to say DIL has not done any wrong.I just want to point out sons are equally or more than that responsible for mother.
     
  5. rainbowresh

    rainbowresh Gold IL'ite

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    It all comes round in a circle. The DIL will realize one day unfortunately she won't while poor MIL is alive I think.
    I agree withu that in laws are also like our own parents ... We must take care of them in their old age and not abandon them, even if they become lonely or depressed or crazy.
    Sad thing is that these days I don't see ppl taking care of their own parents leave alone in-laws!!!
    Teenagers these days try so hard to run away from the family values and system of our living. Over time like how history repeats itself... Baggy pants, puff sleeves and leggings and bootcuts are back in vogue and price of antiques skyrockets.... So I say... They ll all come around!
     
    2 people like this.
  6. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    I haven't seen karma catch up, for most of such cases i have witnessed in my life. And by that argument what did the MIL do to deserve such treatment ? Again what is son's role in all this. oh he is henpecked it should all be his wife's fault/or MIL's fault for nurturing a spineless son ?
     
    sindmani, monita and (deleted member) like this.
  7. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    I have seen & heard Karma catching up with interest, for a lot of such cases.
    And on the other hand, I have seen many sons & DILs flourish & prosper in life with the blessings (Aashirwad) of elderly in-laws who were looked after & taken care of so well in ripe old age by their DILs just like a daughter would.

    P.S. Allowing himself to be henpecked is the husband's fault, I agree. But it doesn't talk highly of the 'henpecking' DIL either.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2014
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  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Certainly very sad. I am not justifying anything. It just crossed my mind that the dil might not be a very enlightened person and despite the doctor's assurances may have had some irrational fears. Even so, it is no reason for not letting her watch TV or use the fan.

    She could have nicely offered to do all the work and asked the mil to take rest so that the mil did not feel hurt.

    Whatever it be, the son and dil could have discussed the issue and found a solution to the problem like getting some help.

    No one should be in a state where they are so emotionally hurt that they feel it is better they starve.
     
    sindmani, bron, shyamala1234 and 4 others like this.
  9. JustLikeYou

    JustLikeYou Gold IL'ite

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    Why is it all DIL's fault? Obviously the son could do more to be with his old aged mom. He shoves the responsibility to his wife because he himself doesn't want to lift his finger for his own mom.

    I am not saying DIL is not at fault here. But son is the primary responsible person.
     
    sindmani, bron, yesican and 3 others like this.
  10. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    The situation was sad...apart from MIL she was an old woman. Anyways, I just hope we learn to be there for weaker counter parts.

    As some one said, what was her own son doing?....and the ratio of sons mom suffering is anyways far less than that of parents of of girls, but its labelled as 'fate'....simply fate.
     

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