Not knowing--Am I fit to have IT

Hi all,

My boyfriend and myself work together at the same place an we are in love for the past 3 years. We both loved each other so much that even if he brought in the topic to have S-X, I used to say, I am not interested or a strict NO. And he used to not say anything as I told I am seriously not interested. I used feel very happy because he is a person who loves me truely and understands my feelings and not the one who craves for S-X in the name of love. But recently I gave in when his mother was away to someother town. She was out for almost 2 weeks time. We did not directly go for IT but intially it was foreplay only for 2 days. Later, he tried insert his thing into mine, but was unable to do it. There was absolutely no problem from his side. He couldnot put in mine because the opening was so small and appears it hasn't grown since I was a child or something like that. He told that he read somewhere that sometimes the girl feels so frightened or whatever because of going pre-marital even if it is her well-known boyfriend and vice-versa. And thats why, this would have happened, He tried some fingering kind-of but even for that, I was feeling it was poking and felt too much of burning sensation that I wanted that finger to be removed from the place immediately. I yelled out in pain. All this fingering and all, we tried when we were in a very good mood. I could feel my mucles were so tight and the opening, I myself could feel, it was very small. He got very frustrated and shouted at me and went to the restroom to masturbate. I felt very bad as he had to masturbate even when I was beside him and cried in the meantime that I am not able to satisfy him. I felt very low, that I am not fit for S-X in this life. He thought that I felt bad since he shouted at me and he consoled me that this may sometimes happen and that he would try the next time by applying some vaseline or petro jelly to his finger. I told no, we will never try this and asked him to abandon me and I said I don't think my problem is not curable. He told that we shall see a doc to find the exact problem to work out a solution for this. I simply denied it. This happened almost more than 6 months ago. But he is still the same with me. He loves me like earlier and cares for me a lot. Its like he totally forgot the matter. But I am remebering it almost now and then and pity him. He has shared all his romantic thoughts with me and I was looking forward to have such a wonderful life with him.

But post that incident, I don't want get married to this guy and spoil his life. I talked to him regarding this on a serious note and he said, 'No matter, come what may, I want you for my life through. S-X is just a part of our lives and I can live without but cannot live without you.' I felt that he was talking in an emotion and asked him to give it thought when he was cool. He asked me to forget all the thing that has happened.

But I strongly feel I am runing the life of someone whom I love so much...as much as I love my parents.

Guys, please tell me if it is a curable problem at all. I don't bother to take a pain in getting operated or whatever for HIM. I know its abnormal but in the end does it have a solution. I am worried. I am not able to sleep and carry out daily chores. I also want to see a doc and am not understanding whats stopping me...I am unable to just take an appointment. He says, 'dnt worry wewill try some strategies after we get married an then see doc if we will be still not able to do IT.'

Please advise me say something on this...