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Not Able To Focus On Work With Kids

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by sanjuruby3, Jan 21, 2021.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    As like most working/non working women in the pandemic , my work and kids are killing me.

    1. My work has suffered a lot last year. So this yea i got better with this new lifestyle, life got adjusted but my little one ( 1.5 yrs) is growing and demaning more and more attention. He demands me running after him, play with him, not on screen, or give him phone.....pulling me from desk in middle of meeting or training and opening each cabinet, taking out things which he should not touch.
    My older one is constantly missing classes, 3 hrs on tv and then on phone etc and then secretly on phone

    I never manage to pay attention to trainings. So just wait to end and do feel guilty about it.
    No one goes to my H. First, he himself scares them by screaming, does not pay any attention at all to them, and if he has training or meeting, whole house should shut out from him...
    in my case, even in urgent tranings, or production calls, they are around me.

    Now my younger one has become habitual to me, so he is always around me and cries if i shut doors on him. He does not go to H. Older one does it on purpose. I am in meeting and would come and she knows i am in meeting, will disturb me on purpose as fun.

    I have been doing really wrong stuff in office, wrong commits, ...as not being able to pay attention.
    I do not pay attention to one thing - one discussion, one meeting. My mind keeps running.
    When in meeting, i tried to commit code which i have been waiting, and do it wrong.

    We do not have any help. Nanny is gone because of covid. Now with cases rise, it hard to find new one. Also our couple knowns and friends got covid and one from nanny.

    I am not getting enough sleep. I stopped working at night to catch up work because usually i am so tired and watch to catch on some show/series and again end up staying up late. Then son always wakes up middle of night or early.
    What to do with my life of mess
     
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  2. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Op,

    I can totally feel the level of stress we are all going through this unfortunate situations and as working parents its a bigger challenge. Do you have someone in your community or online teacher who can spend couple hours every day to finish the school work with your elder one? I hired a ELA teacher who spends 2hrs everyday 4days/week to finish my kindergartener school work and some extra teaching, it is costly but keeping me sane during peak office hours, where I can focus on my work and finish off morning meetings. Later in the day I sit with her and do Math and specials for the day, it takes less that 1hr todo them. This setup not only helped me but my daughter has picked up so much that she loves reading and writing now and shows interest to do it independently. BTW the teacher comes online, at first I used to sit with her during the session but later she is doing herself, and of course we do have bad days, which are less lately.

    Having a 1yr old and working around can be really hard, do you have any neighbor or friend whom you know very well that you can rely on to leave your LO for couple of hours everyday? This way he get to socialize, you will get your office work done during that time.

    Last option would be, if you are financially comfortable to take a break from work for a while and get back once your kids settle down, I would say that would be best for your mental health and bonding with kids!! If that is not an option then never mind.
     
    KashmirFlower, MalStrom and Rihana like this.
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You have to hire help if you want to work effectively during this time. There’s no way around it. It is impossible to watch very young children and do justice to your job at the same time.
    You should look for a nanny who is willing to follow some safety guidelines at her home too. They are available, you will likely have to pay more for this. If daycares in your area are open then I would suggest that you enroll the little one. I have been sending my toddler to an in-home with 8 kids since last June. They had to close for 1 week because a relative of one of the teachers got Covid but there have been no other incidents. We are in an area with a lot of cases but all the parents and staff are being very careful.
     
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    As others mentioned, help is needed, either by hiring a nanny or sending kids to daycare...else with an unsupportive husband it's very tough to concentrate on work and handle chores...
    Yes there is a risk but people are being more cautious now..without help, you would make many mistakes at work and be irregular with work timings and deadlines...if you're fired, it would be tough to find another job with remote options during Covid and you would be stuck being a single income family and dependent in your husband for expenses...would being a stay at home mom work out for you till pandemic is over? No? Then pls hire help...would you be able to afford a live in maid or nanny? Who will stay in your home? That would be safest option if financially feasible.
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  5. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    We had nanny but she refused to come now. Her extended family members have covid.
    Its hard to find indian nanny in this situation, as those are not working. We thought about nanny from care.com, then remember our friends relative in same town got covid from registered nanny just a month ago. So now all are living without nanny.
    Then also read about news of canada daycare got closed because of covid cases. We do have plans of sending my little one to daycare but waiting for weather to get warm. In this weather, first time, he will definitely get sick and will have to go through cycle of staying at home and probably covid tests.

    We do not have anyone else to take care of kid, like neighbours/friends, as someone asked. All parents i know are at home, dealing with their kids + work - all struggling, but not planning daycares that runs me into guilt, when i plan to send him :-(

    We do socialize minimally in our inner circles to keep sane. However recently our closest friend, also got covid inspite of super careful.
    With so many covid cases, so close to us, hearing about them, its is getting bit hard for us to make decisions. It is not like some knows someone got covid, that really affects our thoughts and plans and we feel blessed to be safe so far.
     
  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Canada daycares may be closed but what about the ones in your area? That’s what I would focus on. We are in a Covid red zone but many childcare facilities are operating normally.
     
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Ok, dont hire a nanny if you want to avoid risk.. ..can u outsource other stuff? Like cooking, cleaning? Do you get hired help for this who can take proper precautions and reduce your workload?
     
  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    I did not mean to say our daycares or canada daycares closed. What i said is once i read news and i got scared about daycares. Eventually we will send him to daycare as he is also growing up and seeks attention. Once spring starts, we will plan to send him atleast 2 days.
    For cooking/etc chores, we have cleaners. We freeze food a lot and also carry out. But still everyday work is too much. Like toddler's cooking etc. We will get there hopefully and find a solution.
    hanging on ..till then.
     
  9. swiss

    swiss Gold IL'ite

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    I find it difficult to focus with an independent 8 yr old, can’t imagine your situation. Please completely outsource your cooking from right now.
    Try to find a live in nanny.
    Since ur husband seems indifferent, holding on to job and ur mental peace if of utmost importance. Stop cooking and order food from some one from ur state, people deliver food to homes and it is safe as food can reheated. They will ask your preferred spice level, so keep it low soo that toddler also eats the same. Set up a menu with ur provider and get cooked food for the week. Continue this regularly until you get a nanny or you figure out the situation. So u can forget about cooking, grocery shopping etc. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2021

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