1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Not Able To Comprehend

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sangeeta098, Feb 5, 2021.

  1. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female

    I have not heard it for the first time. In disagreements in our 20+ years, he has mentioned that & I have pushed it aside thinking he's angry & thats what he says too “ don’t stick to words when said in anger.” But telling your kids is totally different.

    Hope I will find some peace.
     
  2. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    6,065
    Likes Received:
    9,624
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Since nobody has pointed it out, how accurate is DD's retelling? Have you considered the context? Kids sometimes can come and tell Mom things that Dad potentially said and vice versa to get you worked up. They even know which parent will react and will only go to that parent and not with the complete picture. FWIW, mine will still try this on me. I have to be very careful with her, even now!

    It's not done, talking to kids about spouses. I'm not trying to find an excuse, just trying to give you an additional dimension to think about.
     
  3. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female

    I agree.
    Kids do tend to play to their own advantage. But the truth she knows only because shes being told & he just can’t stop. As I observe, each & every small incident is being discussed projecting me in 100% negative role with respect to managing money, inlaws & everything else.
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,407
    Likes Received:
    10,499
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Clearly it shows he has deep grudges & expressing it throughout. Just that, you didn't see it until recently.

    Now that, it is time for you to self introspect. Try to review all his comments from a 3rd eye. See whether you have actually gone wrong or any misunderstanding created?
    Either way, take a step to clear the air.

    If it was your mistake, sit down with him & explain. If possible apologize to the actual matter.
    Bcz one problem may lead to other & several similar problems piled up together over these years may built everlasting grudges in mind.

    If it was a mere misunderstanding, it is important you prove yourself right. Collect evidence, events & if possible people to advocate for you

    23 years of marriage is not a simple investment to let go. It is a strong foundation. Don't shatter it with negative thoughts
     
    drdiva likes this.
  5. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
     
  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    531
    Likes Received:
    55
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Same here!!! so following your thread! And what makes matters worse is he speaks greatly of his 8th grade mom! Doesn't tolerate it and it turns him into a monster if I subconciously say anyuthing about the lady who is in India while we are in US. The lady wakes up at 11 am and if my kids wake up late it drives me up the wall and I subconciously say things like don't turn into her waking up at 11 am. But the same person keeps bad mouthing me in front of my kids since the day my kids turned 1 saying I'm lazy etc etc even when I'm pregnant doing all house work shopping cooking dishes cleaning the house and working! While the lazy mom of his doesn't even cook has a house full of maidds to even cook and spends her life watching tv all day long.. even his sister is the same! Help!
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    6,065
    Likes Received:
    9,624
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry. It is extremely hard, all this coming out now. It looks like your DD is old enough, which is why you are hearing of this from her. I would have a conversation with her one on one if I were you and ask her not to tell me when Dad bad mouths me and also to ignore these comments. She might be defending her mom and that will just pull her into something that she shouldn't be a part of.
    There isn't much else you can do at this point. Hopefully, your DD will slowly comprehend that the parent who is doing the critiquing is in the wrong. Not that it will help your relationship in any way but this negative talk about you to the DD won't give him the intended result. Make sure you don't fly off the handle when you respond about these allegations with your daughter. Don't respond at all. Tell her that ignoring it and not letting it impact you is the path you are choosing to take.
     
  8. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female

    Yes, my daughter understands the whole situation well & also understands that he is not doing the right thing. I will pass on your suggestion to her. Thanks
     
    Laks09 likes this.
  9. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female


    We did talk today & we both kind of agreed to keep all matters to ourselves & not involve anyone. Hope it stays this way.
     
  10. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,469
    Likes Received:
    3,091
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    There is no other way. The change should come from him. If he do it again talk in neutral tone and remind him again.You have to be persistent. Dont give up. If he has issue with you he has to tell you. Talking negative about you to kids is totally unacceptable
     

Share This Page