No skin off my nose!

Cheeniya · Jan 6, 2012

Dear Bhargavi
Let me first wish you a happy and glorious year!
I now have a request to make. forease do not deify me. I am just an ordinary person who has the ONLY advantage of being years ahead of you in age. During this long march through life, one tends to get beaten black and blue by the vicissitudes of fortune and they leave an indelible mark on a person's psyche. I am just able to share them with you objectively without showing any grudge for the bad patches or exultation for the purple patches that I passed through. Calling it 'wisdom' is a bit on the excessive side!

But I do feel honoured that you consider my ramblings as gems.
Sri

Viswamitra · Jan 24, 2012

I agree that principles without hurting others around us is the best way to go. I can have 100 principles as long as I am not hindering others. Let me give 4 scenarios:

1) I have a 23 years old daughter who loves this wonderful boy. Everything checks out well except one little thing that goes against my principle. The boy's parents demand things that goes against my principle. What should I do?

2) I have a son who is 18 years old and needs admission into a specific Engineering college. I have a friend who has considerable influence in this college and his word will admit my son in the college. But I have this little principle that I won't get anything through unfair means. What should I do?

3) I have a business and I have an opportunity to expand the business through exports. My staff are excited about this wonderful opportunity. I need this one little license that I can't obtain without a bribe. I have a principle not to give bribe. What should I do?

4) I have a Guru who has been my mentor for years. My principle is spirituality supersedes everything in life. One fine day he tells me that if I renounce my family and my family life, I have a bright inspiring realization opportunity. What should I do?

In all of the above, I would definitely compromise on my principle. I am not ashamed of saying this because it affects other people other than myself. I would compromise on the righteousness on the first three examples and make people around me happy and take the sin whereas in the last example, I will stay with the righteousness by considering living with my family as my duty even if I am condemned for many more life.

I might go to heaven sacrificing my principles for others or I could go to hell for not being righteous or not choosing realization. My conscience would be clear to face whatever is the judgment.

Viswa

Cheeniya · Jan 24, 2012

Dear Viswa
Your penultimate statement "I might go to heaven sacrificing my principles for others or I could go to hell for not being righteous or not choosing realization." leads me to further speculation.

As you may be aware, Harischandra's commitment to his word was legendary. So was his commitment to truth. He was so uncompromising on his principles that he had to lose his Kingdom to your namesake Viswamithra and live as a helper in the cremation ground of Kashi while his wife and child were auctioned away to a Brahmin in whose household, they had to work as menials. And when his son died, his wife had to sell her saree to pay for his cremation. Who insisted on this cremation charges? Her own husband and the father of the dead child! He was offered a place in Heaven not only for himself but for his wife and his citizens as well for not sacrificing his principles and thereby causing undue hardship to his wife and child.

Your surmise that you might go to heaven for sacrificing your principles for others runs counter to the story of Harischandra! But if you ask me, I would rather tow your line than Harischandra's. My avowed objective in life is being happy and communicating happiness. To achieve this, I'll consider no principle too sacred to compromise on!
Sri

Viswamitra · Jan 24, 2012

Even Avatar Krishna made some compromises from righteousness to win the Mahabaratha war, sometimes by stepping on the chariot's wheel, by going as a Brahmin asking for the armor that Karna was wearing, telling that one's son is dead when actually He was referring to an elephant, etc. Even in an avatar that is made for righteousness, Vali vadam appears to be a stretch of righteousness at best.

Harichandra was the only story that stands for truth/righteousness and only other person who appeared to have talked about in public and practiced his principle was Mahatma Gandhi. We live in the world of Kamsa who did not bather about killing innocent children for his own welfare and we live in the world of Hiranya Kasibu who ordered killing his son as he was worshiper of Narayana to satisfy his ego that everyone in the world was supposed to worship him.

I am not suggesting that we should compromise for our own sake but at least we could compromise for the benefit of others who are in desperate need of something. I know you agree with me on this subject but I wanted to prove a point that Harichandra was more an exception than the rule.

Viswa

Cheeniya · Jan 24, 2012

Dear Viswa
A man like me will be hardly comfortable keeping someone like Harischandra as his ideal! I mentioned him merely to point out that if the route to Heaven is as arduous as the one as he pursued, let that Heaven be beyond my reach! I strongly believe in compromises either for my own sake or for others' sake. How can I make others happy if it is going to be elusive for me? All my life, I have compromised left, right and center! And I never regret it!
Sri

Srama · Nov 21, 2012

Now, I do feel 50 Kgs lighter sir! Seriously. I am constantly trying to do justice to whatever I do because I want to do it and do it happily! However, I do want to be principled as far as maintaining a clean house but you know the story - things are never in their place! I always tell my friends and myself that if not now, everything will be picked up in a few more hours - I am sure with that statement I have either made some one feel lighter or have succeeded in having them permanently raised eye brows. There is only so long I can take a messy house. I speak of this because I have a friend who even after a particularly lovely, tiring and a very busy day chooses to unload her dishwasher even at 12.30 in the night - she did this one time as soon as we stepped into the house! I was just about ready to collapse but since I did not want to be rude, offered to help - her husband was after all feeling obligated to help. Of course she never expected me to stay up and help but I was stunned with her principled approach!

I had never paid attention to the word principled and looked up the meaning and it clearly states that "it is a rule or belief governing one's personal behaviour" and when people take it beyond that, one can certainly sometimes choose to say "No skin off my nose" and merrily move on! But I do have to mention that having a personal outlook and realising that the principles end where my nose ends will show help others around us fro inspiration, for what works may not work for my kids but my attitude towards what works for me will certainly help them have their own! So for that reason alone, perhaps it is good to have certain principles - yes, I am only writing as a mother wondering about how I can influence my children with out actually making them antagonistic.

But sir, next time I try to impose, I will be sure to remember that 50kg ball tied around my legs!

Cheeniya · Nov 24, 2012

My dear Srama
Trying to do justice to what we do particularly when we want to do it is a simple and happy situation. Motivation comes here because it is what we are doing and it is also a job after our heart. But let us look at other options. First trying to do justice to whatever we do when we do not like doing it at all. This is certainly a tougher proposition because the best part of the motivation comes from the fact that we put our heart and soul into what what we do only when we like what we are doing. Next is trying to do justice to what we cannot do what we like and something that we hate doing is forced on our head. Everyone will tell us that we must do full justice to whatever we do whether we like it or not and quote some passages from Gita to support this view. The basic question however remains. Why do we have to justice to what we do? Should that not be an inborn trait in a person? Take this hanging of Kasab for example. We learn that the hangman himself was kept in the dark till the last minute and that tells us a lot about what we are discussing. From the hangman's point of view, the best attitude is this 'No skin off my nose' attitude. After all, he is deliberately snuffing out life from a living person and he is well within the framework of law. He is just a glorified butcher!

I am telling you all this only to impress upon you that the 'No skin off my nose' attitude is not cultivated indifference but an effective tool to do full justice to what we do without bothering about any attendant aspect of that. This attitude does not clash with our principles or lack of them.
Sri

iyerviji · Dec 16, 2012

My dear Anna a thought provoking post. Did not know what fb to give but got this quote from my friend Google

“'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.”
Thomas Paine quotes

Cheeniya · Dec 20, 2012

My dear Viji
Thomas Paine is very right but I have something more to say on the subject of conscience. Conscience, unless it is nurtured well and kept in a very healthy condition, can be a very dubious guide for our conduct. Take the culprits who perpetrated the most heinous crime against an innocent girl for example. They too would have a conscience which permitted them to commit this crime. Tomorrow when this case is referred to a court of law, there will surely be a set of lawyers who will defend the culprits. What about their conscience?

Conscience in most cases acts like a chameleon. There is a concept of 'self convincing conscience'. This conscience is a deeper one unlike its pretender on the surface. This deeper conscience is universally the same but our life style and the challenges we face have made it dormant in most cases. The one which we follow is an unworthy image of the true, constant, unalterable conscience. Paine refers to this conscience only.
sri