I am married for 5 years and hav a 2 yr old son. There is no romance in my marriage.Love making have also reduced. There was a phase a year ago when I would just crave to make love.I even tried initiating but he would just not be interested. I felt so ashamed and insulted. Over past 6 months, we would have made love three or four times and that too over my insistance. I feel awful doing so. I have always wanted my man to make the first move How I wish to get a hug from him sometimes or a sweet peck...I crave for all these and end up depressed...Over the past 5 years he has never ever got me a gift on my birthday or anniversary.He was never the romantic sort, but we used to make out once a week or so before our son was born. Now he is quite a laid back person...lost in his own thoughts mostly.He speaks less and doesnt share a lot with me.He close to his family and I often feel he is more open to them. I have tried a lot to pep him up...i blab like a parrot to him atleast start some conversation, he would just hear and smile! I am kinda tired now. I once kept quiet for along time to see how far it can go...well, soon I realised it can go forever...we actually spent 45 mins in car without speakng a word to each other.He is just not bothered.What is a relationship without a conversation? I feel there is no emotional connect between us. I used to think its the work pressure...but whats when its a long weekend and u hav no work to do. He is a handsome man.I am just a plain girl who has put more weight after the baby and is in bad shape I wonder if that is the reason! I long for a romantic relationship.Its not just the sex but I crave for a hug and some heart to heart talk. I dont understand how it wil be after years down the lane when its so bad now. Can I do something to bring a change in him and our love life? TIA.
HI Kakku, Don't worry. Don't fed up soon. Romance it will come suddenly. Slowwly make your moves. Help him in all his day to day works and show him that how much you care for him. starting from taking bath till sleeping at night help him.. One day he realize you are everything for him. Without you he can't do anything. I don't know how to say. Hope you got it. Thanks.
I tried tried and tried...looks like his nature wil not chnage for anyone! Well what i wrote abt "45 mins of silence" was after a late night movie "The lunchbox" I thot atleast that movie will put some brainers in him he even asked me during the scene where the actress tries to make her move towards her uninterested husband..."Am i worse than him". I ddnt reply.
during a long wk-end or even a normal sat-sun brk, finish off ur house hold work & spend quality time with him... you try to open out & talk on the things that is much of his interest. try to understand what hz interested in .. cook dishes that he loves....b4 he initiates, plan for visting his relatives. speak to ur in-laws happily in front of him(showing that u have interest in his family).. try implementing all these... sooner he ll get moved to you ... and as u have already mentioned, try u make u fit ... first of all , it doesn't mean that fat people are not sexy... your way of dressing can change everything .. ur appearance too...
For some over the years the romance will fade away but this doesn't mean that there is no love. Openly ask him why he doesn't seem to be interested now. Listen to what he has to say and try to work things out from there.
I assume ur a guy. Can u really throw some light as to what is that guys want?? Is it with age they lose interest?
Hi Sadwife, I have tried it indirectly...he just seems to ignore my questions. I feel like a fool.He is not the kind who would open up and speak! I feel so suffocated with his "zipped lip" attitude
Dear Kakku, I would like to know if you have discussed this issue with your husband at all? Ever told him openly, how you actually feel? Usually, problems between a good couple gets resolved when they discuss it openly.. Ask him what he wants.. What you lack? Let him know clearly what you expect out of him.. Surely there would be a solution for sure. Regards, Mrs.Sathis
Dear Kakku, Adding on, I think you should build an individual life for yourself outside your husband as well. Keep yourself happy.. Playing with your child, your family members.. Get back to your old college friends, if you are working, then your colleagues, your neighbors.. Go out for short trips with them.. Have your own circle.. Be engaged.. Some men will show attention to women who ignore them.. Sometimes you have to do it.. Dont let your happiness depend on your husband alone.. Remember there were days, when you were happy before getting married.. This phase will just pass.. Regards, Mrs.Sathis