No one knows except me!!!

My dear dear sunny,

I feel very very sorry about you.... yes, there r certain things which u cant tell ur parents, infact dont know that u shud tell them... but now atleast u r aware that certain things can happen to innocent kids whether girls or boys... so u can be protective about ur kids... spread this awareness if not by quoting ur experience... be protective about ur kids and make sure that others around them know that u r.

I'm saying this bcoz even I have been thru this when I was a kid... there was this friend of my dad who used to visit us every time he came to our town. we sisters in early teens used to feel a bit awkward when this uncle visited us everytime but dint know how to express it(he used to be sooooo 'nice' to us by hugging etc). then on one visit, I just stayed in my room:hide: and just refused to greet him... that's it, my dad sensed it:bowdown, i think, and stopped inviting him and even put an end to the friendship without any fuss. we never talked about it but I feel thats what happened. and from then on my dad used to tell us that if we dont like a certain person in whatever way, just avoid him/her.:bonk

The world today is not that nice as in our parents or grandparents time. even attendents in schools r not trustworthy(my experience)! we cant trust even our family members blindly nowadays... thats the pity... we may not be able to change bad people but atleast we can be a bit extra protective about our kids... teach our kids how to defend themselves or fight back or avoid certain situations or persons. and also explicitly tell that that its bad to hurt other innocent kids in the same way. But yes, we have to teach the kids in a way not to let them start telling us loooong stories.

Again thanks alot, Sunny, for the post... U gave me an oppurtunity to talk about it.

 

hey sunitha

May be its difficult for u to forget what had happened in past, every one here say that forget it , don't ruin your present & future, may be we all say think it as a nightmare and just forget it. But decided yourself whether it is proper to destroy your happy nest now, do you think your DH will take it positively and about your kids, i think you are trying to disturb your peaceful life. Forget what had happened with u and don't figure the mistake now. Don't throw any light on that nightmare.

 

Hi Sunny
I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. I was around your age when I was abused by my maternal grand father and later by a servant in my house. This went on for some time, till I had the courage to tell my mother. But even they could not do anything about it, because the mental damage was already done. My grandfather died recently and I did not even go for his funeral. Just prayed that may he rot in hell.
I used to blame my parents for a long while, esp since they maintained contact with grandfather . But now that I am a mother, I realise the position my parents were in and I dont grudge them. I just look out for my kids. Since I have 2 boys I am a little bit thankful, but in todays world even they are not completely safe.
I told my husband about the abuse, but he does not understand the significance of what happened and its impact in my life. For a long period I could not even trust my father and I was not even sure whether I wanted to be married.
And believe me, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT....I used to believe that for a long time...used to wonder whether I encouraged them and if I could have prevented it...But I have now come to accept that what happened has happened and I should get on with life and the blessing I have...
Let me tell you sunny...in this only you can help yourself..... forget about the pain and doubts and concentrate more on the good things in life...thats what helped me...
Good luck and take care

 

Sunny!!!

I think i am also sailing in the same boat
Atleast for you its better, just you had beed harrassed only..
But myself..i loossed my virginity..
I could not share with anybody. Let me tell you ful story..

From my 9, 10 years old.. i used to be harrassed by two fellows one is my cousin, and father's brother
Cousin is my aunty ( father's sister's son)..
my parents dindt put any restrictions on me or my sisters.
my mother is some different kind lady.. she used to have affair with the same fello ( my dad's brother)
The same fellow used to harrase all three of us also (me and my sisters).
when i was 13yrs.. i was metured and my personality also growing..
one day.. no body were there at home. ( all went to my grand pas house)
As i was in 7th standard public exams.. i could not go.
when i was back from school.. this fellow is there in our house.
He asked me to to drink cooldrink..i was a like a kid.. could not guess whts happening. i drunk.
and i lossed my trans..
Then he used me...
i could not wake up till next day morning..
that bed was with my blood.. and i felt really scared.
Then he came and asked me to have some tablets.. i asked why..
this fellow told wht happend yesterday..
i cried cried cried...could not share with anybody
i washed all the clothes and took bath..
I beated him with one of the stick.. and told him that i will inform everybody.
Then he blackmailed me like.. if you say to anybody..your reputation only comes down.
Even i cont marry you also.. because you are my brothers daughter..
then i felt like to kill him. But cont do anything.
Atleast my cousin is better comparitively this fellow..
That time onwards i never talked to him..
now i am married.. and have two kids..
two boys..feeling bit better.
I am scared to have girl babbys as we cont believe our own relation itself.
But one hing.. i never shared this to anybody..even to mom also.
As she is not a correct mom. and cont do anything.
My father is very sensitive. he cont digest that.
He used to be in depress as my mother has affair with his brother itself.
so i cont share with him too..
I dont share with my husband too.. he is like a possessive guy and dont undersatnd me, if i say this i am sure he wont aggree for that.
and he points me out only.
So.. sunny.. better forget past and live in present
you are blessed with nmice husband and cute childen.
Coming to the fellows who harrassed ..." God is there. He is looking into everything"

Sorry for long reply
Swarna

 

Hi Sunny

Just be calm & never tell this to anyone. So many years, you have not told this to anyone. Like this be like that for the rest of the life too. But ensure that your kids are safe.

 

Let us analyse why child molestation is rampant these days.

What kind of media around us!

24 hours TV channels showing all vulgar films, serials, songs.

Even children are made to dance vulgar in dance programs in TVs

So many crap magazines, ads showing obscene pictures.

Movies portraying sex a primary thing

Pornography materials in the form of CDs, internet easily available

When you are feeding all these stuff to adults/men, every one can not be under control. Somewhere some outburst happens

So remedy is to stop all these nonsense

 

Now that you have shared your feelings, you must be feeling light and relieved. Forget the bad thing and just be happy, bring up the children with utmost love and care and friendship. Mothers must be good friends too so that the children can share anything with them and thereby such things can be avoided.

Wish you a happy life ahead.

 

Dear Sunny et all,

I am appalled to read all your terrific childhood experiences. This is what called child abuse, and incest.

Currently, we, the United Nations (BTW, I am a UN staff) are working on "ending child rights violations in developing countries" as one of our main mandate as per the millennium development goal. We have put a lot of efforts to enter into some action plans to work with women and children those who are victimised/used for sexual reasons in african region. But, it is a shame, and a great shock for me to hear many children are also sailing in the same boat in Indian society, where there is no war crimes and other social disorders.

Anyway, coming to your concerns....

There is no point of informing your past bitter experiences to your parents or husband at this stage. This will never make you happy, rather this may spoil the entire happiniess of your life. So, please try to forget your past.

I too have faced similar harassments when I was between 8 - 10 year old. I repeat the word harassment, not abuse!

My maternal cousin, who is 8 years elder than me used to live in our next home. We children (both siblings and cousins) used to play in both the houses regularly. One day when we were playing hide and seek game, this cousin of mine came to hide with me under our bed and he wanted to hide me under his body (meaning, he wanted to lay (cover) above me). As any girl at the age of 8, i innocently agreed to that idea and layed down in the floor under our bed, allowing him to cover me by laying above me. But immediately, i felt something wrong, as he tried to remove his pants, and touch my body differently. So, I quickly came out from that area and told everyone (my brothers, cousin sisters and neighbor girls) about his action without knowing the real intention of his attempt.

He felt ashamed, and requested me not to say this to anyone (also threatned me), so, I kept quit. But the next time when he approached me, I was well prepared and cautios, never allowed him to even touch me after that.

As a parent, it is better to have an eye on your kids, because someone else would be waiting outside to use the innocence of your kid for his/her sexual needs. Also, it is advisable to give the courage and knowledge to your kids at the right age about these abuses in a child friendly manner to avoid any unfortunate incidents.

Child abuse is not only a physical abuse, but also a serious psychological abuse. No child deserve this, and it is the responsibility of the parents to protect your children from these external /internal abusers.