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No India trip for past 9 years

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by saheli, Feb 4, 2015.

  1. saheli

    saheli New IL'ite

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    Please read the below one, sorry.
     
  2. saheli

    saheli New IL'ite

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    Thanks Cryoness & ivlakshmi for your responses.

    Crayoness, I appreciate for your suggestion & was thinking from long but couldn't took the step because I thought let me try one more time & in between he thought I am coward & cannot go anywhere. That's also true, have no place to stay here until I make it as a complaint. Another thing is I don't earn enough money but in process to get good job . It might take one month or so to get good job.

    ivlakshmi, I cannot leave my precious daughter in his hand she is just 12 . So that option is not good for me. I am also asking him just send me with my DS with me, he is not agree on that one either.
     
  3. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    India trip is least of your problems. First try and get rid of this relationship. Concentrate on getting more independent. Get that better job you are waiting for then move out with your kids. Take legal action against him so he has to pay for child support. Look for ngo that help women in your area. Collect proof of all the abuse you have dealt with and get rid of this pest. This will take a long time, but i don't see any other way.
     
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  4. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    First get out of this marriage and save your children and yourself also.
    Syamala
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I would suggest you don't move out of the house.Make him move out.The house as you mentioned is in both names.You have children with you.There has to be some provision in such cases for the wife and the children to continue to stay in the house while the offender(his last physical abuse was in 2014...witnessed by your children)has to move out.

    Find a support group that will give you legal help and emotional support.Check what are your rights as a much married woman with teen aged children.A father is as responsible for the financial support of his children as you are.

    Get help . Get child support and try to get that better job.Then you can call your parents to come visit you.
     
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  6. Sweetgirl123

    Sweetgirl123 Silver IL'ite

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    Just call a hotline just to have a real person to talk to. You seem to have made a plan, now you just need to inform yourselves about what options do you have and what route you are going to take. These groups might have info about how to get funds for a lawyer and such. You just need to really work out how you are gokng to proceed and right now you are in advantage that he doesn't suspect you are going to do anything. Things can get really ugly and you need to be prepared.
     
  7. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,First of all your husband is a frivolous and irresponsible person. He is putting everybody in family at risk by visiting places like you mentioned and doing what he is doing. Who is to say that he didn't do Get yourself tested for STD. Even your kids.

    Your hubby didn't do a favor or realized his love for you to sign the house purchase papers. Most of the states here in US are community property states and it mandates that husband and wife sign property documents together. Otherwise the purchase wont go thru. It looks like your state is also one of them , if he asked you to sign. That means in event of divorce you are entitled to half the house.

    Let him come back and if next time he abuses, call the cops and say he is a repeated abuser.This time he shud be arrested and not just warned.Get a Temporary Protection Order against him too. This time tell the cops you want to get a long term TPO.Do all this when you have a job.

    I don't think your hubby is remorseful or anything. You and the kids are better off being alone.He is putting himself and you all at risk by doing all this.His friends are no better.Its shameful to do all this in front of a teenage son and daughter. Good Luck.
     
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  8. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    Do not go to india because then US laws won't be able to protect you at all......In fact, knowing the laws, your husband/indian men secretly want their wives to go back to india ....if you go to india, you lose and he wins a "BIG" victory....i repeat if you go to India, it wud be a very good situation for your husband....... Stay here and if he abuses you, don' t worry at all and call cops at once.... Here cops are very good and some of them understand the cultural issues...
    My friends are mostly whites with whom i studied and are from private law schools....they charge a hefty fee...

    best would be take a loan for attorney fees because once you get alimony and child support, the money you will receive will cover all your expense....You wil be in a very winning situation....It is totally worth it...The US laws are too good and will help in all ways they can to the victims..,..I am not an attorney but after discussing with my lawyer friends about all these horror stories, i feel how indian women can be so naive and how their husbands abuse and take their advantage....

    .This is one of the reasons most of the Indian men in US go to India to marry and bring on h4 as on h4 the women has to face dependent visa issues.

    H4 leads to worst situation for Indian women as US laws can just provide some initial support to the victim but then will end up DEPORTING both h1 guy/the abuser and h4 wife/the victim to India....In fact, all my friends back in India who are aware of US laws refuse to marry h1 and GC Indian guys as no matter how well a guy is earning, Dependent visa issues leads to innumerable problems if even 1 thing goes wrong....Coming on dependent visa is like the most stupid thing to do but so many girls in India are so naive that they not aware of the problems they can face in US on h4/dependent visa and these H1/GC indian men then abuse them here in US..This is so so sad.

    Discuss all your scenarios with your attorney and he will be able to explain all details to you...
    I am just letting you know some basic info ... Rest your attorney will be able to advice after going into your individual case..he wil be able to tell you the figure for your alimony n child support based on ur n ur husband's income..Go with what your attorney says ..
     
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  9. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Op ur husband is the worst kind of predator there is. You need to think about divorce before thinking of anything else. I would suggest you consult a lawyer, with your husband's history of underage girl involvement n you having a daughter of 12 year old, court will also understand. You and your kids need to get away from such a monster as soon as possible.
     
  10. sashswsn

    sashswsn New IL'ite

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    I am sorry for what you are going through.... I would like to share my story ... Even I have not viisted India for a long time with my family . I have 2 daughters , 11 and 14 yrs. It's been 9 yrs that I visited India with my family. I have gone through a lot in my life also... I am married for 21 yrs. I left India to US as soon as I got married. It was an arranged marriage. I dreamt of all good things about marriage life as all girls of my age did. But afterwards, when I came to know about my in-laws , I was very much disappointed. My husband helped them financially before and even after aour marriage. But they were never satisfied. They always wanted more and more.
    Unfortunaltely, I lost my father 9 yrs back . I have all 3 brothers younger to me. They are all in US all married. And my mother lives them. My husband is a very hard person. For everybody else, he apperas like he is a gentleman. But at home, he doesn't take care of me and doesn't support me emotionally. Whenever we attend parties or social gatherings, or with friends, and when I am offended by anyone, he is not the person I will be able to share my feeling. Always his reply would be that I am thinking wrongly. That's the reason , I avoid social gatherings, friends and even family get togethers. I used to work till last year. due to health problems and to help kids , I stayed back home. Whenever I ask him to go to India, he becomes stubborn and says ,' we are not going there'. My family is here, but I want to show my kids all differennt places in India... I understand that it is very difficult to stay with the in-laws after a long time. I also suggested him to visit India without informing them of our visit. But still he didn't agree. He also asaults me physically. He works for a good company and thinks that no body can beat him. But he takes care of kids. His life is his job and careed . I understand that job is important but family life is important equally. For all 21 yrs I have been going through a lot with him. I even asked him if he has anybody else in mind. But he says no. He calls be bad names. He is gentleman in front of everybody. Nobody is like this in our family. My brothers take care of their wives very well. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to approach for advice. He would not even follow the instructions given my any counsellor which we tried once. Please advice me.
     

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