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No gifts by husband :(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Grihani, Mar 31, 2015.

  1. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    I know this is a silly issue, but I do feel bad sometimes that my husband doesnt think he has to get me any gifts, even for birthdays and anniversaries. I did not care for many years, but call it mid-life crisis, I get mad and sad, sometimes burst out at him.
    Yesterday, he was promising his mother a laptop and an Ipad, and I yelled at him that he never thought I needed those myself, he got mad that I bring up his family in fights and left the scene. This is what happens everytime, he gets mad, I get sad and get nothing in the process. :(

    When it comes to his family, he loves to buy them expensive stuff, I used to tell him to not spend much money on me knowing our financial situations, now its always money calculations when it comes to gifting me.:-(

    Just venting out...

    Edit - Have to add, he doesnt expect anything from me, but I do gift him small things on occasions and he feels happy about them.
     
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  2. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    Hah ! That is bad. Have you told him without disgust that you love to get gifts from him, however small it may be ? I mean instead of picking up the issue when you hear him gift his siblings or Mom/Dad.. is it possible to talk to him when he is in a good mood ?
    Sometimes DH take their wife for granted. They think that it is Ok to compromise on Wife's needs. You may have to talk to him in a nice manner and tell him how much you would love to get some gifts from him .. :)
     
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  3. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    No :( It always comes out with anger, I am too egoistic to ask for gifts, want him to buy me like he does to his family. He gets angry and his male ego doesnt want to 'please' the wife..
     
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  4. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    ha ha ha.. I listened to this talk show by a 'psychiatrist'. She said. that men do not understand anything unless until told so, especially in matters of emotions.

    Probably he tries to say 'No' when you demand. It is human nature right. Maybe he will realize what he is missing (and you are missing) when said in a pleasant way. :)
     
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  5. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    I dont demand, I just complain, accuse, rant, sulk...I mean who 'asks' for gifts? They are meant to be pleasant surprises. I have tried to give him hints that I like certain things, like you said ..hints do not work, will have to try the methods you suggested. I think am only jealous that he buys his family and not me.
     
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  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Your "techniques" have clearly not worked in the past. Why would they work going forward? If you are looking for results, you have to change your approach.


    In an ideal world (or in movies), yes. Here we are taking IMO about clueless indian men who are ashamed to admit any love or concern for their wives thanks to social conditioning. Again, I repeat, if you are looking for results, you really need to change your approach.

    Laugh with him about it. Hint heavily. Sigh in an exaggerated manner and make a joke of the whole thing. Tell him very very clearly what you want. I do. Or take him out and show him what you want, saying, "darling! Since you really need help in the gift giving department, Here you go." "I'm trying to make a better man out of you." Blah blah.

    I am not one for "surprise" gifts and the husband has learnt that they don't please me. However all gifts had stopped and I didn't particularly bother. Soon after a child, I felt too run down and wanted some cheering up. So I told him something on the lines of, "baby, today is Valentine's Day. I would like you to surprise me. Hint for you - I like lilies. And before you wonder, there is a florist just opposite platform xx on your station." He was laughing when I finished and asked me just what I gain by demanding a gift from him. I sighed and theatrically told him, I live in the eternal hope that one day he would learn to read my mind. We had a huge laughs about it and I got what I wanted.

    It is about making your husband feel good about himself, even if you both end up laughing (good-naturedly) at yourselves.
     
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  7. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    @guesshoo thanks ! I know I have to learn to talk to have my way, most of my issues lie there :) ..Will try methods suggested
     
  8. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    Even my husband does this. He would like to celebrate his moms birthday all that but when it comes for me he will ask me : Its your birthday do you need anything? Now gifts should come with out me asking. Isnt it true.

    Whats the pun in getting after I ask for it? But whereas when it comes to his mom, He will think and get her a good saree or some expensive gitfs. Really they take wife for granted. Where will she go?
     
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  9. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    @indubalram Exactly :( One cannot ask for gifts especially on birthdays. With all my nagging, he has bought me couple of times and he thinks he is done for life, whenever I bring up the issue, he remembers the gifts he had bought me years ago!

    To me its more about the attitude than the gifts themselves. I wouldnt mind if he buys me a chocolate too, if there is some love and thought given to it.
     
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  10. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    I Agree! But sadly I'friendssmileym also in similar situation!
     

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