No Connection

OP,

Just a thought....if anyone looks for happiness from another human being, it may not happen all the time in life. Some one can make you feel happy but it may not last longer.

Your husband is just like you, another human being with moods / stress, need to have alone time to himself.

You seems to be an independent and confident lady.

How do I put it? Not that my DH is ignoring me all the time instead he could be preoccupied with his work, thinking about his side of the family, worried about paying the bills etc. He has many faces to put on... like a manager, employee, son, brother, father, friend and husband in life. I do come in on his high priority list, but may not be the 1st one, in every moment. In his mind, there is time and place to show the affection. On the other hand, I go to work and cook if I want to, or just eat out of the box. My personality is go with the flow, not too serious about life and I hope that someone will take care of me.

In order to have that life style I chose, my DH has to work twice hard as me / worry for us. At the beginning I was disappointed, my DH is much different than my dad or uncle, and way too serious type. I didn't have many, I can really open up about our differences. I started reading many motivational, spiritual, psychological books.

I understood that my happiness is within me, it doesn't come from my DH. It is different when we are with our parents, always children are their center of life. But, marriage life is, like 2-horses pulling the cart. Equality, as well as give and take are necessary when one person slacks, the other has to carry on the weight to move on with life. That kind of adjustment comes sooner for some couple, and it may take longer for others.

Instead of looking for affection, why don't you give that affection to others? It's easy to say, but takes tremendous amount of maturity and understanding about each other, overall about the life.

If you are talking about physical intimacy or emotional abuse issue, it is different. It is not fixable, sooner or later it will blowup out of proportion in one way or another.

Everyone deserve to be happy in life. Take care of yourself.

 

Well said

This is very true. I can totally relate it!

 

OP, I assume that you are not facing any serious issues in your life e.g. any kinds of abuse or neglect or asexuality. If so, this lack of connection can happen easily and you will receive a different perspective on the problem from ILites. In that case you need to address the core issue and share it here for better response. If not, consider the following.

First of all it's not your husbands responsibility to make you happy. You need to find it yourself. At the same time, an unhappy marriage can lead to loneliness and depression. I know that emotional connection is needed to have physical intimacy. If your dh is the one working, he will be tired by the end of the day and may be in a mood to relax himself. So he may feel that every thing is ok or taking you for granted.

My suggestion is not to overthink and be busy with whatever you can. Instead of depending on him for happiness, try to do things that make you happy. Stop complaining. Instead communicate to him in a different way, like how you feel emotionally disconnected and what you can do to improve or what he can do to help you. If there is lack of physical intimacy, try to improve it if you can adjust with that idea . It helps to connect as a couple.

Consider him as your companion and try to spend time on relaxed days, do things you both love . If you dont have any thing, find some thing like travel, watching tv, listening to music, going for walk.or whatever.

Dont hold your feelings. If you feel like hugging or kissing. Do it. Touch him often. Communicate well. Treat him like the way you want to be treated. Try to be happy for yourself. Love and take care of yourself. Listen ,read and watch positive things. I am sure when you radiate positive energy he will come to you, as everyone like positive people.

Also find your own network of friends, call them, talk to them, enjoy their company. Also try to find some social activity that makes you happy.

Look like you are focused too much on your dh, divert your attention to other things you like and in this process you will be less disappointed than before. You only can control you self. Dont worry too much about things you cannot control. Every one is different. Expecting any one to behave the way you prefer wont work well so accept the individual differences. Do introspect and focus on yourself first. I think rest will follow. Cheer up girl. Take control of your life. Feeling lonely in a marriage is the worst thing that can happen. You deserve a happy life.

Here is one article that I came across on this topic. I think its useful. Pl check.

What To Do When You're Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband | Marriage.com