Newlywed and my husband has a chinese lover

Hugs to you dear...

How sure are you with this affair of your husband..Did u talk to him on that..
Do not panic yet..

 

Hello Vinitha,
Very Sorry to hear abt your situation. Dont know what to suggest now. Since, we all know about the culture we came from. Only thing is to be bold and strong enough to face the situation. May be your husband will change slowly by seeing your positive nature. I just wanted to tell you dont lose your strength at any point of time. Sorry If i said something wrong.
Hope you feel better.
Om Sairam

 

Hi Vinitha,

As priya said, don't panic yet. Talk to him. As he is denying he has no relationship with that vietnamese anymore, confirm that first. Talk to him openly about your situation. Don't take any drastic decision immediately. All the best and good luck.

 

Dear Vinitha,

Welcome to the real world. What man proposes, God disposes.
Like other ILites mentioned, do not panic. Have an open communication with him. He needs to work hard to gain your trust, one of the basic foundations of marriage. Do not make any decisions in haste.

 

Helo vinitha,
That is too bad. If he feels like what he is doing is right, he will get into trouble sooner. He has to think about - what if the same thing happens to him? Dont get panic. Stay calm and try to talk to him slowly. Hope he will change slowly. Dont make any quick decisions.

Om Sai ram

 

Vinitha,

Looks like you already tried speaking to him.
He just can't be rude to you instead trying to build the lost trust and faith. Does he feel guilty at all for what he has done? Did he tell you that he would absolutely cutoff all the ties with that woman? From your conversation do you get a feel that he will change his ways for good? If not, it's time to talk to your family and his family.

 

What Archana said is correct.
It will take sometime. Life itself will be like this. Stay calm and have faith.

 

Vinitha

There are some questions you have to answer here.

Is this the past relationship? or is he still in touch with her?
How long have you been married?
When you told him to STOP all contacts with that lady, what was his response?
When he said leave it or live with it? what does he mean? what was the situation when he said this?
Did you give him an ultimatum that you wouldnt think twice to file a cheating case on him if he doesnt stop all this nonsense?
Also ensure you have all the proof that he is still in touch wtih this lady.
Does his parents know about all this? Did you warn him that you would disclose this to both side parents if he doesnt take a step back on this relationship?

I agree..Give him time to MEND his ways. Give a timeline. But remember OLD habits die hard, what if he doesnt change down the line and you end up having a kid with him? So hold onto your horses and please please do not bring in a baby in to this mess even if he forces. Dont make your life hell by living in the same pain for years (read our friends stories here on the forum) and then dont look back and wonder why you lived with him all this while.

Whatever society you are talking about, remember one thing I have seen many women recently who got married again i.e second marriage and are much much happier than the first one. Reason..there is no pain.

Might be your husband is also cashing in that society stigma..as any newly wed girl would be scared to leave her husband so she would put up with his crap what so ever. thats why he is so adamant about whatever he is doing and not willing to change

If you keep worrying about everyone else and put your life into fire as sacrifice, you would do no good to this world or to your parents.If you are educated, buckle up, standup on your feet, first become financially independant and parallely deal with your husband. Yes give him stern and firm warning.

Also just to let you know..marriages can be annuled with in certain time...it wont be called as divorce..if thats the stigma you have. So know the repercussions of living such a life where you are just with him for the sake of society and you have to deal with the extram marital relationship every day. No New bride should go through this