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Newly Married - Questions about Intimacy!

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by lalithakumar, Apr 3, 2008.

  1. lalithakumar

    lalithakumar New IL'ite

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    hi

    i am feeling more tied and pain during our intercourse within half an hr to 40 min. i ask my hubby to stop he also co operate with me. i trying bt i am able to withstand.

    My worry is abt my hus satisfaction. i dont knw whether he is satisfied or nt. he wont force me when i telling paining.
    pls tell me for hw much hr there shld be sex to get baby.

    i am married two months before.
    My frnd told u try for daily for first one month for long hrs. bt i am able to withstand for long hrs.

    V shld do for long hrs continously or can take break in between.

    Within hw much time sperms wil get in.

    Pls help me to satisfy my hubby. he is wrking in hyd comes once in two weeks.
     
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  2. radhee

    radhee Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: too personal pls help

    Hi,

    If you want to concieve, only intercourse during the fertile period will help, not all days of the month as your friend suggested. Please calculate your fertile period. This will be around 5 or 6 days in a full month. You can search for methods to calculate this in Google. Technically speaking, long hours is definitely not required. It just needs the transfer of sperms from your husband to you which can happen even within minutes. I guess you are newly married and too ignorant about some basic facts. Would suggest you to browse and gather some information from good websites.

    MyMonthlyCycles - Menstrual Calendar, Ovulation Calendar, Fertility Cycles - You can use this site to calculate your ovulation period (i.e. fertile period). It is close to accurate.
     
    rashmikartha, Deepu04, NB83 and 6 others like this.
  3. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Re: too personal pls help

    Hi Lalitha,
    To clarify a few things for you :
    1. As Radhee has pointed out intercourse at or around the time of ovulation is required for successful conception to take place. If your cycles are regular you can use the link she has given to calculate the approximate (it is never 100% accurate as ovulation can vary from cycle to cycle in the same woman) time of ovulation and aim for regular sex 4 - 5 days before and after that day. That will help. Another way is to buy an ovulation prediction kit and find out when you are ovulating.
    2. The duration of sex has got absolutely nothing to do with conception. All that is required for conception is for your DH to ejaculate into you, be it after 1 min or 60 mins of sex. That is what enables sperm to enter the vagina and then into the Fallopian tubes where it meets the ovum amd fertilization takes place. Sorry to have to give a biology lesson here but you seem so ignorant of the basic facts of life and I have no other option.
    3. Men are "satisified" when they ejaculate. If you are unsure talk to your DH frankly and ask him what you can do. Its early days in your marriage and you both need to communicate abt all this also.
    Hope I could help.

    Vanathi.
     
  4. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: too personal pls help

    I guess you have 3 questions right :)

    (1) Pain during Sex
    (2) To Conceive
    (3) Satisfying husband

    (1)

    Since you had mentioned you got married just 2 months back.. This is normal. Your friend is correct. You need to have intercourse often since the passage is expanding for the first time (I am assuming you havent used tampons ever in your life just sanitary pads). So the muscles around your vagina needs expansion. Also there is something called hymen. If you not an athlete, it will be still intact. During intercourse, it has to be broken. I am also assuming when you say pain.. you might be feeling as if he's hitting something on you, right? So the more often you do, it should break and your muscles will eventually relax.

    Secondly, when involving in sex, please try to involve in lots of foreplay. Don't immediately got to intercourse. You should be lubricated very very much for easy insertion. You should be turned on very much for lubrication. I am assuming you are very dry during intercourse, which might be another form of pain. For this, lubrication is the only solution. If you are failing to get lubricated, there are many condoms that are lubricated, you can have your husband use that. [don't worry condoms only for initial stage. once the pain is gone, then you can have without it and conceive ok :)]

    Thirdly, always relax.. Don't think is my husband satifised, is it something wrong with me and all that.. Mind being relaxed is very very important for a healthy,enjoyable sex. Get relaxed in the late evening itself.. put yourself in the happy erotic mood and try to relax. You shouldnt at any time feel any stress. That will not help at all :)

    Finally, if you are feeling pain more than 3-4 months, then you can setup an appointment with an gynec. Its called preconceiving appointment. He/She can check if everything is alright. The reason I am saying is, if pain is still there, there might be other chances like (1) inverted uterus blocking the passage (2) cervix is very low and many other things. A doctor will figure that out and help you. Don;t worry.. all the above mentioned are just different positions than normal and still you can have sex and baby :) Doctor will advice you how to go on from there.

    (2) To conceive. - Radhee and Vanathi has explained. Just try to calculate the ovulation time depending upon your period. thats when you are very fertile and having sex during that time will sure help. Also when you are planning to conceive, try to have a pillow beneath your butt.. it helps faster travel of the sperms. Best of Luck !!

    (3) Satisfying husband: If a guy ejaculates thats is orgasm. So when you are in pain you can involve in helping him ejaculate in other ways. Don't worry. A understanding husband knows that for a new bride its going to be painful :) initially.. Don't stress yourself with these thoughts. Sex is an ocean, there are lots of ways to please your husband ;)

    Wish you all the best!!
     
  5. yellowlemon

    yellowlemon New IL'ite

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    Re: too personal pls help

    I am amazed at how you all are able to explain thing so easily, I mean all those private things, I pity the person who is asking the question, it is sad. I also thank you all who are explaining, believe me there are many people who are simply reading and learning, hope it is all good things, unfortunately many girls are not made aware of these private issues before marriage, usually people like aunts and elder sister share some tips but all in hush hush manner, I can see that most of the posts here are good and are real.

    once again thank you all.
     
    3 people like this.
  6. lalithakumar

    lalithakumar New IL'ite

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    thank you everybody. thanks fot ur advice
    as Nandshyam said i am feeling exactly paining i feel like something hitting.
    i feeing more tied and since the muscles r expanding i feeling like that. there is much lubrication i can realise that.

    i asked my hubby he tld he didnt ejaculate into me. bt he wont force me. i am much worried abt this. i am able to withstand for more than 40 min actually the time i teling includes all foreplays. intercourse is only for fifteen to twenty min..
    bt he telling that . sperms comes after half hr r so.

    he is hyd he comes here once in a week. tats our problem.
     
  7. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Lalitha...could be your DH takes some time to ejaculate, thats actually a good thing beacuse it gives you time to get "satisfied" too. Anyway in an arranged marriage it takes time to get comfortable with each other, so dont be anxious so soon. Even if you see each other only once a week, make time to talk to him everyday. Get to know him and share your thoughts, feelings etc, as well. Also spend time together at the weekends doing fun stuff - go out to eat, see a movie, get comfortable in his company and share some hugs etc. All this will make a huge difference to your enjoyment of sex and the pain will get better. As Nandhu said, if you dont feel any difference after 3 - 4 mnths then go see a gynec and have a check-up. Dont worry...this is a common problem and time will take care of it.

    Vanathi.
     
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  8. sarkri

    sarkri New IL'ite

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    newly married

    hi everybody
    i am newly married two weeks before. i am from orthox family. mine is arranged marriage.
    i dont knw anything abt sex. i feel very when my husb removed dress for first time. since none of my friend is married i am nt able to ask them regarding all these.

    i want to knw regarding married life.
    my husb is inducing for oral sex bt i am hesitating becos i feeling something.
    pls tell me it is right to have oral sex.

    another thing is it neccessary to remove hairs in tat area. wat is the safest method to remove?

    pls ladies advice me . i am totally ignornt of all these.
     
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  9. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Re: newly married

    Hi Sarkri,
    Congrats on your marriage! So what exactly do you want to know about "married life"? It would help if you were a bit more specific. I know you are very embarassed to talk about it but we are all adults here and nobody is going to think badly of you for asking. So ask away....

    About oral sex - no, it is not a "bad" or "wrong" thing. It just depends on both your comfort levels. So if you feel ok with it, go ahead. If not then tell your DH to give you some time and you will think about it after you are more comfortable with him.

    Hair removal..hmm...personal preference, I think. Maybe you could just trim it instead of removing it completely? I guess waxing/shaving if you want to take it all off.

    Have you gone for a honeymoon yet? It would help you to get to know your DH better without all the relatives around.

    Vanathi.
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Also consider using some sort of lubricant - this has helped me greatly in reducing pain. In many cases, when a woman is not aroused completely, her private areas are dry and the friction of intercourse causes pain. Here in the US you can get KY Jelly for this purpose but I have also used baby oil. Ask your husband to massage a bit of oil on your private parts few minutes prior to intercourse. The massage may also help you get in the mood :)
     
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